The Cohabitation Chronicles: Yoga Date

On Sunday morning, HH woke up and said, "we need to go to the carwash. You should come with me!"

Say what now? I don't wanna wash the stinkin' car! I've been driving around with a dirty car since before you got here, and I'm pretty ok with that. LOL!

Then the idea popped into my head, and I said, "ok - I'll go to the car wash with you, if you come to yoga with me this afternoon."

HH: Is this how it's gonna be? Every time I ask you to do somethin', then I gotta do somethin'?

Me: Yup. Yoga is at 4:00pm!

Now...I thought I was going to have to WASH the car. What he really wanted me to do was drive my car there, so that he wouldn't have to make multiple trips. He took care of all the washing, drying, tire shining, etc. Do note that I DID ask where the towels were so I could dry the car off, but he declined my help.

So, I felt semi-bad about the 90 minute yoga class I was taking him to.

Here's what CFYC's website says about their power yoga classes:

"Each Power Yoga class is suitable for ALL LEVELS and all classes are taught in a heated room.

The style of yoga that we teach is called Baptiste Power Vinyasa Yoga.

This powerful, energetic, flowing class has a strong emphasis on breath and allows beginners, intermediate and advanced students to be challenged in the same class.

The room is heated to help cleanse the body and warm the muscles.

90 Min Power Flow
The full Baron Baptiste Sequence, this 90 min class is guaranteed to take you to your edge."

It says all levels. And I've taken him to yoga before, so I figured he'd be fine.

First of all, he had on TOO MUCH CLOTHING. He had on an under armor top and then a basketball jersey type top over that. I said, "babe, it's going to be 90+ degrees - you got on too much!" He said he would be fine. Second, I kept trying to tell him to hydrate before class. He was drinking coffee. Sigh.

We got to class and set up our mats. He was joking with one of the other students that he was going to spend 89 of the 90 minutes in child's pose (that's the pose they tell you to go to if you feel overwhelmed or you just need a break). But I know how he is, and although they tell you to leave it outside the door, ego is a powerful thing.

We started class in child's pose, went into down dog, high push up...all moving relatively slowly and working on waking up the body.

Then the sun salutations started.

I thought I was going to lose him then. It's a sequence that moves pretty fast, but the teacher will always tell you to move with your own breath. If you're not used to it, you really won't keep up with her commands. Bless his heart, he was trying. I saw the sweat rolling off of his brow and soaking his shirt. After a few salutations, he took off the basketball jersey. I stifled a giggle.

Diane, the teacher, came over and helped him a few times with some adjustments. Watching him in Warrior 1 and 2 reminded me of when I first started out last year. Due to my knee issues I would not bend very deep. She acknowledged that that was his body, and she never forced him into anything.

I think it was about 45 minutes in when HH went missing in action. I looked over and he wasn't on the mat. I thought maybe he went to get some water, or he just needed a break from the temps. I was going to give him a few minutes before I went after him.

Luckily, I didn't have to chase him down. He came back in as we got to our standing sequence. Eagle, dancer, tree...all poses requiring you to balance on one leg. He actually did pretty well. I know during our flow sequence, Diane took us into crow 3 times. I really wish I could have seen him, but the pose requires balance and looking straight ahead. I told him he could keep his feet on the mat, but I don't know if he did it.

Towards the end of the stretching sequence, Diane took us into frog pose. For those of you who aren't familiar with yoga, THIS is frog pose:



First, he wanted to switch mats with me. I thought he wanted to do frog pose up against the wall...but later he said, "I didn't want that lady's azz in my face!" - referring to the person to the right of his mat. I was like, that's yoga - sometimes we occupy the same space! He wasn't trying to hear it. LOL!

After 5 minutes in that pose, he told me that I'm in time out until Wednesday. Clearly NOT happy with me! LOL!

Needless to say, I think he was super duper happy when we hit savasana. All the ladies were joking with him and asking him if he'd be back the next day. Poor thing. He just looked like he wanted to side eye everyone.

On the way home, in the middle of the silence he says, "I'm over here feeling like Marvin Sapp..." and starts singing "Never Would Have Made It." LOL!! Dramatic, much? I fell out laughing over the steering wheel.

I'm so proud of him, though! And today he said he felt ok. But I think that's his last foray into 90 minute power classes.

Birthday Recap

Whooo hoooooo! Hello, 37 - nice to meet you! Feels just like 36, except with maybe a few more aches/pains/injuries. LOL!

My birthday rule is that I will not work on my birthday. Period. I refuse to have those miscreants I deal with getting on my nerves on my day. Hmphf. Since I carried of 4 PTO days from last year, I decided to go ahead and take 4 days off. I'll return to work on 2/1.

On my birthday, I let Shanna take me through the paces in her 9:30am power yoga class. As a present to myself, I skipped some chataurangas, and kept my hands at heart center in some of those crescent lunges. Magical.

Unfortunately, HH had to work second shift, so we could not go out to dinner ON my birthday. Instead, Rockstar Stacy and I hit up Crave - the dessert and hookah bar here. I read up about the tobacco content in hookah and have decided it's just not for me, but I DO like their cupcakes. I got 2 of them to go (lemon ginger and strawberry). Rockstar Stacy graciously plied me with strawberry honey mojitos, so I was feeling lovely when I got home around 10:00 or so. So lovely that I poured myself a glass of wine, and then promptly fell asleep on the couch, snuggled under the covers.




Rockstar gang signs!


(Psssst - if you're in ATL, my girl Lyndsay makes better cupcakes than this. Ask for the "Better Than Sex" cupcakes. You're welcome.)

HH got home around 11:30 or 11:45. I'm honestly not sure, because he scared me awake (the alarm signal is here in the living room since I have the cell phone system, and the door chime is rather loud. I still haven't figured out how to turn it down). I heard him come in and head to the kitchen, but I was so out of it, I didn't realize WHAT he was doing until he sat the ice cream cake down in front of me:



The next morning, I went to yoga again because we had early dinner reservations at a restaurant here called Upstream. I came home and HH had birthday flowers waiting for me.



Upstream was an adventure. Generally the restaurant week menu is reserved for dinner only, but they had no dinner reservations available that day. The manager talked to the chef who graciously agreed to let us choose from the restaurant week menu. 2 thumbs up, Upstream! HH had some sea bass that was delicious, and I tried a duck dish for the first time. It was served with pureed sweet potatoes with maple syrup...it was heavenly! But I can see that duck is a very fatty meat and not to be eaten often. HH had a s'mores bread pudding dessert, and I had a chocolate/white chocolate souffle. It was yummy and not too sweet. I liked his dessert, too. Unfortunately, the s'mores bread pudding is only around for restaurant week. Boooooo. :)

After dinner we headed over to South Park mall so that I could hit up the Bare Escentuals store and get some lip gloss. You get a 15% discount during your birthday month. Winning! All I had to do was show my I.D. After visiting there, and The Body Shop, the SOL started to kick in on my shoes, so we came on home. Then we realized we hadn't had anyone take photos of us together, so we had our own little impromptu photo shoot:



Dapper!


Photo on the left was an impromptu snapshot HH took, after making me laugh. I don't even know what we were talking about. That's his favorite photo. Everyone on FB says I look very happy. :)

Photo on the right was another impromptu shot...apparently I give him this "really?" look a lot. I guess. LOL! He was probably cutting up, anyway.

So...that was my weekend. Today we got up and tried to unpack/organize some of HH's clothing. That's a whooooooooole other blog post. I also took him to a 90 minute power yoga class. I am laughing as I type this, but he made it through. I got a post about that, too.

Stay tuned!

Confession

"Confession of errors is like a broom which sweeps away the dirt and leaves the surface brighter and clearer. I feel stronger for confession." - Mohandas Gandhi

I've downloaded two books for my Kindle app on the iPad recently - "The Five Love Languages," by Gary Chapman and then "The Five Love Languages for Singles," also by Gary Chapman. They've been sitting there, looking at me like, "read us! Read us!" Although he says that singles can benefit from the original book, I decided to download the one for singles after
Serenity 23 mentioned it.

I started reading it last night and read some more this morning. There is a section about forgiveness. It's honestly nothing that I haven't heard before. Sometimes it's just the wording of things that can affect you. Like this sentence:

"Forgiveness is a response to confession."

Remember how when we were little, our parents would tell us, "if you just admit that you did wrong, it would be better for you." We'd continue to say that we didn't break the dish/kick the cat/scratch the furniture...all the while they KNEW we did it, and so the punishment definitely fit the crime. Would it have been less severe if we had said we did it? Possibly. We still would have gotten in trouble, but at least we told the truth, our parents would forgive us, and we'd move on.

How is it that we forget this as adults? Stuff would be so much easier if we could just admit when we mess up. I read that sentence and immediately was taken back to the end of the relationship with my ex. I can vividly recall apologizing for MY reaction to things...but he never once confessed to doing anything wrong. Even though we both know he did. Would that have saved the relationship? Hell no. But it would have made for a better transition. Had he just said, "yes, this is what happened," it would have been much easier for me to forgive him. Especially since I kept catching him in lies (did he forget that I'm a trained investigator? LOL)!

I mean, ultimately I am responsible for me. I know this. I'm responsible for how I react to things and the emotions I decide to hold on to or let go of. But that sentence really summed up WHY I had such a hard time with the end of that relationship.

Don't forget that your confession - no matter how much it feels like torture - can be healing for the other party involved. Maybe that could be your last selfless act before you part ways.

Bridging The Long Distance Gap

"True love doesn't mean being inseparable; it means being separated and nothing changes."

"Missing you gets easier everyday because even though you are one day further from the last time I saw you, you are one day closer to the next time I will."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've been out of blog-spiration for a minute...lol. I tweeted that I'd blog if someone gave me a topic to write about. As usual, my tweeps came through and the topic for today is: The Top 5 Things That Make My Distance Relationship Work. Here we go!

1. COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION!
And one more time for posterity - COMMUNICATION! I can't stress this enough. If you hate talking on the phone, a long distance relationship is NOT going to work for you. LDR and I talk every day, several times a day. Every conversation is not deep and meaningful; sometimes it's just about hearing the other person's voice. He's not here, so he can't read my feelings based on my actions or facial expressions. If he's said/done something that bothers me or affects our relationship, I have to let him know. Really, that goes for any relationship, but especially for one involving distance. No matter the feeling, good or bad, you have to convey it. Also, keep in mind that email/texts don't always convey tone. What you meant might not be what is interpreted when the other person reads it. Voice to voice is usually best. It's always cool to get that occasional "sweet nothings" text message, though.

2. TRUST
You need trust in any relationship, but you REAAAALLLLY need it in a long distance relationship. We're not walking around with webcams to record every move of every day. I have to trust that when LDR says he is somewhere, that's where he is, and vice versa. This issue goes along with communication and transparency. We talk about our day and what we've done, who we saw, etc...we don't hide anything from one another. Now, I have the added security that our home town is about [ ] <-- this big. If he WAS doing something, there'd be 285 people trying to tell me about it. LOL! Not to mention, my brothers live there, and he has a big family...we have a wide circle of friends/family so eventually it would get back to me.

Most long distance relationships do not have this type of safety net. That means you're really going to have to step out on faith. If you need to constantly check your mate on their every move, a long distance relationship is not going to be a good fit for you.

3. ESTABLISHING VISITATION PLANS
Wait. That sounds like one of us is in jail. LOL! I can't think of another way to word it, so just work with me.

I find that if we have concrete plans about when we will see each other next, it reduces anxiety. Folks on FB and Twitter will tell you, LDR and I are always posting countdowns until our next visit. It keeps us sane. Because we're 700+ miles away from each other, airplanes are involved. That means scheduling well ahead of time. Not to mention, LDR has two sons so we have to keep them in mind when we make our plans. If you can, it's also important that both people do the traveling. I don't think it would be fair to ask one partner to constantly make the trips, unless it just works out easier for you to do it that way. It would actually be easier for me to go up there more, because I get more vacation days from work, but because it's my hometown, we have added distractions when I visit. Which actually leads me to my next point...

4. MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR FACE TO FACE TIME
Nothing is more frustrating that finally getting to see your significant other, and then the days are done and you feel like you didn't have any quality time. We both have friends and family up north, so when I go to see him, I often feel like I'm being pulled in two directions in a tug of war. Luckily, he is very understanding about the situation. My ultimate goal is to spend quality time with HIM, so while I may spend a day or so visiting family and friends, most of my time is with LDR.

When you're together, focus on the important things. If there are big issues that you need to discuss face to face, by all means, do that. Just don't sweat the small stuff. Does it drive me crazy that the contents of LDR's suitcase usually end up ALL OVER the apartment when he's here? Why, yes. Yes it does. LOL! Do I focus on it? Nope! We only have a few days of time together. I just covertly move stuff around while he's in the shower, or whatever. I also straighten up his apartment when I'm there, because clutter puts me in a state of confusion and disarray...but that's another blog for another time. :)

You also need to strike a balance between the "free time" and planned activities. When he comes down here I try not to plan our visit to the exact minute. There are days when it's worth more to me to just lay on the couch and watch movies, or cook together, or just be random, than it is to have a night out on the town or attend a concert. People always ask me, "what are you guys going to do while he's here?" Sometimes the answer really is "nothing." Just the fact that we are in the same space is enough for us.

5. DEDICATION
When we started this relationship, we went into it knowing that distance would present an extra challenge. But we both decided: this is it. We want to be together and we're going to make it work. We didn't step in with our toes, we jumped all the way in. You have to decide that this is the person you want to be with, and focus on that. When it gets frustrating, you don't go looking for a third party to make you feel better, and you don't start contemplating starting a new relationship simply because that person is in your physical presence and your SO is not. You focus on strengthening your bond, and you believe that the light at the end of the tunnel really is the moment when you two are occupying the same zip code and working on your "happily ever after." If you start thinking the light at the end of the tunnel is a train, you're going to get flattened. Period.

Of course, there are many other little things that go into making a long distance relationship work. I think these are the 5 big ones, for us. We most certainly have frustrating days. He can tell you that many times during our conversations I've said, "I'm so sick of this damn phone!" LOL! Or we've both said, "I wish you were here." So far it's been 1.5 years and still going strong.

Getting Ready for 2011

I don't make "resolutions." I never really have. I think about things that I want to do, figure out what I need to do, and then make the plans accordingly. I have some friends who are really detailed about what they are going to do. They journal, make vision boards, and sometimes blog about their plans. I like to read and then watch them accomplish what they set out to do.

Me, personally? I don't do all of that. I already know what I need to do next year, and it revolves around 2 things: my finances and my fitness. I've already met with the financial planner to get the ball rolling. As soon as my physical therapy eval is done today, I'll have a better idea of what types of work outs I can do over the next week. I've already done my research about alkaline diets. As much as it pains me to give up my beloved sweet tooth, I will have to drastically cut back.

So, those are the things I'll be working on for next year. We have our family reunion in July (on my mom's side), and I think we're going to try and take my mom on a cruise. She doesn't know that yet. :) The problem is, figuring out which cruise, how long to go, etc. She's always wanted to go to Hawaii, but with her back problems, I can't forsee her making it through the 8+ hour flight to get there. I really wish she could. We could get a travel agent to plan it for us.

My biggest wish for 2011 is for LDR to get his job transfer here. Good employers are hard to come by, so we both would rather he get a transfer, then have to start all over somewhere else. We're just gonna keep hope alive on that one.

So how do you get ready for the next calendar year? Are you very detail-oriented, or do you go with the flow? Or somewhere in the middle?

Yes, No, Maybe...

This afternoon, I got a bit of sad news. I don't remember if I ever posted about my maternal grandma on here. She's 99. She had a stroke recently and has taken a turn for the worse.

I don't know how/why, but my mom and I have some kind of ESP type connection. And EVERY time she has called to tell me something that's not-so-good, I always get this feeling when the phone rings. I got that feeling today. I was at lunch with my friends, but I didn't take the call. I listened to her message on the way back to work, and like I thought, it was not good info.

It's a wonder I got any work done this afternoon, because my mind was all over the place. I talked to LDR and let him know what was going on. He was his usual supportive self, and once again I counted my blessings in regard to him.

I left work around 5:20, as I promised a co-worker that she could have some of the boxes I still had in my storage area from when I moved 2 years ago. (Yeah. The storage area is not as organized as my closet.) She followed me home and I gave her the boxes. We chatted for a bit, and then she left.

I came in the apartment and it was just silent. I set about straightening up the kitchen and trying to keep myself occupied. Then I hear the phone. A text message. Gotta love Blackberry with the difference in the tones.

I pick it up and it's LDR. It says:
Will you "go with me?" Yes, No, or Maybe? *wink*

That made me chuckle. Yesterday we were talking about how folks used to say that back in elementary and junior high, and how we used to 'quit' each other. What the heck did we know about going with and quitting each other back then? Not a darn thing!

I sent him back a reply and said "YES!" He replied, "Figured you could use a smile."

Sigh.

I definitely needed a smile. And he provided it. And I didn't even have to ask.

Grateful

I've got a pretty awesome boyfriend. After all the duds I've been through, I really should be shouting it from the mountain tops. But I'll shout it from the blog, for now.

If you've been reading, you know my dad gave us all a scare with his ruptured ulcer. He was in the hospital for about 4 days. The first 2 were in the ICU. He was discharged home and should be starting back up with the chemo soon for his stomach cancer.

I was talking to him over the weekend, asking how everything was going. We talked about what was going on at the church I grew up in, etc. The same stuff we usually talk about. Then he tried to get me with the okie doke. :lol:

Me: LDR wants to stop by and say hi, and he said he wanted to bring you some food. What kind of diet do they have you on since you left the hospital?

Dad: Well...I can pretty much eat a regular diet, just have to be careful about how much I eat.

Me: OK. Well what kind of food would you like him to bring?

Dad: Some soul food would be good...or maybe some ox tails.

Me: (thinking, bingo! LDR's dad has a Jamaican restaurant, ox tails - no problemo!) Well I'll let LDR know, and he'll probably stop by his dad's restaurant on one of his days off. Make sure you answer the phone when he calls.

Fast forward to yesterday. LDR sends me a text that he called my dad but he didn't answer. I told him to make sure to leave a message, because sometimes my dad won't answer if he doesn't recognize the number.

In the mean time, my oldest brother sends me a text asking me a question about my XM radio in the car. So I ask him if my dad has any appointments this week, because LDR is trying to reach him and he's not answering.

My brother's response: "Yeah, he had to have another transfusion today as his red blood cell count was a little low still. As far as the ox tails go, he still can only eat soft and non-seasoned foods for now... "

As Serenity would say, insert :::record scratching sound::: here!

Um...what? Dad, didn't I ask you what your diet was?!? A mess! I knew I should have called my mom! What in the world? Pulling the freakin' okie doke! All I can do is laugh, and be glad that divine intervention stopped him from getting those dang ox tails.

So, instead, LDR went and got him some of the protein shakes that he SHOULD be drinking, to help get his weight back up. He went by there to day and sat and talked with my Dad a little while.

I don't think he understands how much this really means to me. I can't be there, so it's like another connection for me with my dad. He thinks it's just nothing, and I'm sure it's not out of the way for him because they live relatively close. He's happy to do it. I don't really think he understands how much my whole family appreciates his efforts.

All in a day's work for Mr. LDR. I think, if I had asked people I dated in the past, if they could stop by or take something over to my Dad, I'm sure they would have. But I've never asked him to do anything. He always volunteers to do things without prompting. I honestly think, if one my brothers was unable to take my Dad to chemo on a Thursday, that LDR would just take him. Never mind that he'd be just getting off work and wouldn't have had any sleep. Never mind that the infusion takes quite a few hours. He'd take him, stay there the whole time, and bring him home safely. And it would be no big deal.

How the heck did I get so lucky?? :)

The Cat is Outta The Bag

If you're my friend on the Book of Faces, you know that LDR and I decided to go ahead and let folks know about our relationship that was brewing behind the scenes. I decided a while ago that we should wait until he came to visit, for a few reasons. I guess I really was waiting for the other shoe to drop. For him to change his mind, for him to get here and decide he didn't like me as much as he thought...etc. Why? I don't know. I guess I was just scared.

But LDR was in fact here, and we had a glorious, glorious time! We hung out all over Charlotte, and then one day we just stayed in and watched movies all day. I even got him to go for a 3 mile run with me. He bellyached, but he did it. Then I kept my end of the bargain and did sit ups and push ups aftewards (my abs and triceps STILL hurt).

He left on Tuesday afternoon and I really miss him. I am easing back into my normal routine now. It was so funny to read everyone's reactions to the fact that we were dating. I think people were more surprised that I said I was in a relationship, period. I guess they've just gotten used to reading the horrific dating stories. LOL!

Anywho, I'm happy...and I'm going to just take it day by day, and not sit and wait for the other shoe to drop. :)

Dude...seriously??

So...at the end of 2008, beginning of 2009, I was talking to this guy I've known for a few years now. Prior to this time it had been strictly platonic, and then that fall we decided to try dating. I don't know if you can call it that, because at the time we were (and are still) in different cities. I think I talked about him before on here, but I don't remember what his nickname was. We parted ways mid-February 2009.

Anywho, after the lameness in which we parted ways, I just stopped talking to him. He would send me emails occasionally, and at first I was giving really short, curt answers. But when he asked about my dad and his cancer battle, that softened me up a little. So every few weeks we would communicate. Definitely not every day or every week.

Now I've known that basically right after he stopped dealing with me, he started dating his old co-worker. I called that one from jump. Yesterday, I was out of the office. This morning I get in, and there's an email:

"Hey,

How are you doing? I just wanted to let you know that I got engaged.
I'm not sure if it matters to you or not, but I did want you to know."

Um...I don't care. And I don't mean that in a mean way. I mean that I'm indifferent about the situation. I'm not happy, I'm not sad or upset, I simply just don't care. Really, it isn't any of my business. At no time have we ever discussed our dating lives during these emails. At this point we are acquaintances, nothing more, nothing less. If we were FRIENDS, maybe this would be a little different. Maybe.

Why do men do stupid stuff like this? When I get engaged (I'm just gonna go ahead and say "when" and claim it), I will not be seeking out ex-flings to make special announcements. Da heezy??

LDRs

With the advent of eHarmony and Match dot com, it seems like more and more people are getting involved in LDRs - long distance relationships. I said earlier this year that the LDR was on my shun list and I just was not going to consider it. I wanna see you when I wanna see you. If I'm having a bad day and I need a hug and a foot rub, I don't want to have to coordinate a flight or a car ride.

It seems like pickings are slim in the good ol' Queen City. I'm single...my good friend Serenity_23 is single. We keep running into crash and burn dating scenarios. Why? We're good lookin' chicks, if I do say so myself. We have personality. We're not gold diggers. We have been known to cuss some folks out a time or two, but 9 times out of 10 it's warranted.

So now I wonder, if I restrict myself to the Charlotte area, am I cutting myself off from opportunity? Do I just need to learn how to exercise more patience? There's a guy I know from high school...he's pushing up on me. Hard. But he lives in NY. We talk all the time. What's funny is that we really didn't interact much in high school (he was a year ahead of me). He is hilarious and can actually hold a conversation without the use of "conversate" and "irregardless" (have I mentioned those are serious pet peeves of mine?) I always ask him when he's moving back to NC - he was here before when he was in the military. But I'm never serious about that because I would not put that pressure on him. His two sons are in NY and I'm sure he wants to be there for them. Having moved back to Charlotte because of a relationship (which ultimately failed), I just could not ask someone to move here for me. I wouldn't want them to resent me/the move if the relationship didn't work out...kinda how I feel about Idiot (yeah - that's his official nickname now). And I'm sorry, but I REFUSE to move back to North Siberia. I just refuse to move period, unless I'm moving for me, or a prime job opportunity, or to be closer to my family.

Well that was a rambling mess of thoughts. Maybe I just need to stay single. :lol:

P.S. - I did a spell check and it did not highlight "irregardless" as being spelled wrong. Wow. I thought most dictionaries would say that was incorrect or non-standard. I guess it's becoming standard now. But really - just stick to "regardless" or "irrespective!" :lol:

Memories...

Yesterday I was reminded of a dating story I hadn't thought about in a while. I don't think I've shared it here. If I have, charge it to my early onset dementia. Thanks!

Picture it: Charleston, 2002 (I love the Golden Girls). Kappa C and I had been dating for a while now. He planned a trip for us to Charleston. We stayed at a hotel in North Charleston and had a very good weekend. Except for one little incident.

Kappa C had planned for us to visit one of the plantations in the area. It's called Drayton Hall.. I don't know if you've ever been to any of the plantations down there. Some of them look at little "Gone With The Wind-ish", but Drayton Hall is not like that. The main house still stands. They've probably refurbished it by now. One of the slave cabins has been turned into a bookstore.

We were the last tour of the day, and it ended at said store. I ended up purchasing a book called Slaves in the Family. At the end of my purchase, the tour guide was telling us about how the plantation became a share cropping farm. There was a man (whose name I've long since forgotten), who was born there during the share cropping time. He used to sit outside that very bookstore and tell stories about what it was like to live there. She told us that he had passed away a few years prior, and that he asked to be buried on the property, near where the slaves were buried in unmarked graves.

The tour did not include this area, but it was off of the main road to the house. We were told that we could go there, but that we should exercise caution. They had been told that there were wild boar in the area. At this point, Kappa C is now alert. Kappa C grew up in a small town in GA. Like, they only have one stop light, and they probably still have a black prom and a white prom (oy vey.) Growing up in this environment, he learned everything there is to know about the indigenous wildlife of the south. Apparently, wild boars aren't something to fool with.

Me: I want to go check out the graves on our way out.
KC: Well, we need to be careful...those wild boars are no joke.
Me: I think we'll be ok.

We're one of the last cars to pull up and park. Which means people are already at the graves. In my mind, if the wild boar were gonna be a factor, wouldn't we hear screaming and hollering by now? Kappa C is thinking otherwise. His eyes are darting around periodically. I'm looking at him like, it CANNOT be this serious. Really?

We start walking down the path to the graves. All of a sudden, we hear something running high speed through the woods, approaching from our right. I can tell it's up further ahead, so I just freeze. Whatever it is, I don't wanna run into it. 2 seconds later the noise is identified as two deer. They run across the path and don't even pay us a bit of attention. I turn to my left to say, "oh, it was just some deer..." but this cat is M.I.A. He's already back at the beginning of the path.

Me: What the?? Did you just leave me here??
KC: Well I thought it was the wild boar.
Me: OK...but you couldn't let me know that we were running? You bench press like 300 lbs, SURELY you coulda picked me up and carried me? Tugged on my sleeve and said 'let's go?' SOMETHING?
KC: Well I thought you were gonna follow me!
Me: How can I follow you if I DON'T KNOW THAT YOU'RE RUNNING? How you gonna leave your girlfriend to get mauled by wild boar??? Are you serious?? I cannot even believe you!

Man, I was mad at him for about 2 hours. Tense ride back to the hotel! :lol: We went out to dinner later that night and we made up, thankfully. When I told his friends that story, they were crying/laughing. But, if you know Kappa C, this is just classic Kappa C-ness.

So - would your S.O. have left you in the woods, too? :lol:

Musings on Relationships/Dating

Last night, after cutting up with Serenity via the world wide web, I went to the movies with NY. We went to see Law Abiding Citizen. The critics HATED it, but it kept me entertained. The carnage was a bit much for my tastes, but past that, I was intrigued with how they were going to stop this guy.

Anywho, before we went to the movies, we had a quick bite at Wild Wing Cafe, where some interesting karaoke was going on. We both had worked out and needed to get a little bit of food. He kept telling me about how he was thinking about me all week, and was so glad that we got a chance to hang out. I just sort of smiled. He's really not a bad person, he's not unfortunate looking, but there really isn't any spark. I guess I keep going to see if one will ever light up?

When we got to the theater, it was a late show, so we had to purchase our tickets inside, at the concession counter. He told the woman working there that we were going to see the 9:55 show. He handed her his debit card and she said, "one ticket or two?" We both laughed, and were like, "what??" She said that she always asks now, because she's been in situations where she assumed the guy was paying for both and rang him up for both, when he only meant to pay for one ticket. NY says, "well I'm old school...my mom taught me that if I take a lady out, I need to take care of the evening." He almost seemed to be in disbelief, when the employee and I were discussing the fact that lots of times, people go dutch.

Ladies - how do you feel about this? Do you go dutch? Or should he pay if he asked you out? And I'm not talking about someone you've been in a relationship with...I'm talking about the actual, early "dating" phase, when you're just trying to get to know one another. Do you absolutely expect him to pay 100% of the time? Do you make a half hearted offer to pay, because you know he's going to tell you to put your money away? Or when the bill comes, do you side eye him and raise your eye brown a la The Rock and think, "I hope he doesn't think I'm about to pay for this??" :lol:

An inquiring mind wants to know.

Smooth Operator

So Smooth has been hanging around. I guess he's trying to be here for a while. I think it's a good thing that he's catching me at the tail end of a "men suck" phase; it keeps me on top of my feelings and makes me hold him absolutely accountable for what he says and does. No passes because you are handsome or nice or you took me to dinner.

Sunday night, I did not go skating because the Cowboys were playing the Giants at 8:20. I missed my skate session only to watch Tony Delhomme-o (because, let's face it - he was playing like Jake Delhomme) hand the game to the Giants on a freakin' silver platter! Ugh. Antywho, Smooth was going to be flying to Cali the next morning, so I knew I wouldn't get to see him before he left. He actually called me about 30 seconds after the Giants got the winning field goal, but I am never in a good mood after the Cowboys lose. Especially when we beat ourselves. And that's about the time that folks always want to call me and give me grief about my team. So I don't answer the phone. LOL! I know, but you can blame it on my brother. He left a message about the game (just as I suspected!). I laughed and the next day I sent him a text telling him to have a safe trip and let me know when he got back.

He literally sent me a text from the plane when he got back yesterday. I wasn't expecting that. It also popped up in the midst of me thinking about him and hoping his trip was going ok. I told him that I was tired and thinking about skipping my work out. But, as I stated in my previous post, I'm in workout mode now, so of course I went. I did my weights and some strange intervals at the greenway. I was hot, sweaty, and a mess when I got home. Guess who called me about a minute after I got in the door?

We ended up meeting up at Olive Garden (it's sort of halfway in between where we both live). I got there first, since he had to stop by Best Buy. I got us a booth. I figured we could chat face to face and just have a nice time. When he got there, he slid into the booth on my side - I was not expecting that. We ate side by side, talking and laughing. Making jokes about this couple sitting in the other corner. The girl did not look amused to be on that date. LOL!

After dinner, he walked me to my car, gave me a big hug, and said he'd see me this weekend.

He's really putting a kink in my plans of "trying not to like him that much."

Boyfriend #2...

OK, not really. I just think that song is a hoot. My niece was singing it at the bowling alley when we went the other day. I asked her who sings it and she had no clue. Youngins. I looked it up on the Blackberry and discovered that it's some dude named Pleasure P. I wouldn't know half these songs if it wasn't for the skating rink.

So, Smooth and I had date #2 this evening. He called me out of the blue to go check out this place called Boudreaux's. Cajun eating. I checked the menu before he came to get me, because I knew it would be a lot of seafood items that I no longer eat (shrimp, crab, crawfish, lobster). I found something I knew I would like ahead of time and we were all set.

We got to have better convo this time around. He asked me if I thought he was too old for me...I told him no. I know he's only 2 years younger than NY, but he just SEEMS younger than that. We talked about relationships, kids, church...he was pleasantly surprised and impressed with his knowledge of the Bible. Like...I need to go in the room and get back on track with my reading, after I finish posting this and doing my hair for the night.

I didn't leave work until 6:30 and had no idea that I'd be heading out to dinner. I had just sat down to watch Y & R when he called. Luckily I had not started twisting up my hair for the night! A quick change into some nice jeans and I was ready to go. It was a nice introduction to a restaurant I've never been to before, and I got to learn a little more about my new friend.

When he dropped me off, I invited him in, and we watched a bit of the game. He showed me a couple of pictures from when he was in the league. He left around 10:00 - gave me a hug at the door and thanked me for going to dinner with him. He has not tried to swoop in for a kiss yet...that's interesting to me. Old school? LOL!

New York, New York

I'm baaaaaack. I promised to recap dinner with NY, so here we go:

Let me just say that I had mixed feelings about going. One, I was just physically TIRED and I knew I was leaving for VA the next day. I did not want to be out late, but of course, that's exactly what happened. Two, I don't have any strong initial feelings about him either way. I'm just sorta like, "eh." I decided to take pity on him since he lives on the South side (totally opposite from where I am) and he was trying to get to the gym, shower and then get way over here. So I called him and told him I'd meet some place on his side of town.

We ended up going to this place called Rafferty's. It's ok, but I hardly ever ate there when I lived on that side of town. He was late - that was strike one. I just drove 30 minutes, I'ma need you to be on TIME. He wasn't egregiously late, so I decided to let that slide...

I give him the once over before we get taken to our table. Not bad...at least we know he knows how to clean it up, and it's certainly refreshing to see him when he's NOT sweating. LOL! We sit down and he starts talking my head off and asking me all kinds of questions. He tells me I look different than when he sees me at the rink, blah blah blah. We order our food and discuss the Sk8-a-Thon in ATL...the one that everyone keeps trying to get me to go to at the last minute. I tell him what I know about the rinks down there. It was nice conversation, for the most part.

Strike two was that his dayum cell phone kept ringing. And he kept answering! A cousin, a niece and his brother. I'm gonna let him slide on the convo with his brother 'cause it was his brother's birthday, but the other two? Nah, playa! Hang up the phone! So every time he picked up that phone I posted an update on FB from my Blackberry. I needed to have documentation 'cause I knew folks might not believe me.

Yet another strike against him is his age. I found out he's 48. Dude, can you even get a leg up? (well, I guess so since he does skate. But still.) You are out of the realm of having babies. Your son is in his 20s. Stop it. You knew I was 34 before I knew you were 48 - you shoulda stopped right then! Well, I guess I can't really complain about this, because Smooth just turned 46 on Saturday. It just seems like 48is pretty much 50. I don't know where all the eligible 34 - 39 year olds are, but they apparently keep passing me by. I must have some type of pheromone that only attracts people in their 40s...did I mention that RB is 43?

Anywho, we did end up having drinks after dinner (translation - I drank one beer). All in all, not a completely horrible person, but I believe he is doomed for the FriendZone. At 48, you oughta know better than to be answering your cell phone at dinner, unless it's a daggone emergency. Do better! I just didn't feel any type of spark. Of course, he called before I left town to wish me a safe trip, and then yesterday evening to see if I made it back safely. Why is it always the ones you don't have great interest in, seem to be the most interested in you, and put forth the most effort? Go figure.

Monday's Recap - Feast or Famine!

This has to be short, 'cause I got a boat load of work to do. I am off on Friday and next Tuesday. Going to VA to hang with my sister. All my skate friends are giving me grief, because Skate-a-Thon is this weekend in Atlanta and it's a BIG event. I wasn't excited about it before, but as it's gotten closer and they have been razzing me, now I feel kinda bad that I'm missing it. Oh well.

Smooth and I hung out on Saturday night. We went to TGIF to have drinks and food, and watch the Panthers game. I don't know what kind of season the Panthers are going to have. It's bad when Jake Delhomme is still in the game in the 3rd quarter and you STILL can't get it together. At some point during the game he finally turned to me and said, "can you believe I did that for 12 years?" I told him yeah, I could. He then started pointing out all his battle scars. He told me how when I first got to the rink, he thought I was kind of mean, and that I was skating around the rink looking like I was going to cut someone...LOL! That's not true, I just don't go up to folks and start talking to them right off the bat. I need to see how you are. And Besides, none of these folks started talking to me until AFTER RB started talking to me. Vastly different atmosphere than skating in ATL. We had a good time. He didn't try to get fresh. I gave him a hug and thanked him for dinner, and now he says I owe him dinner. I think this cat just really wants to see if I can actually cook, because he kept throwing hints. Hilarious. He seems nice so far, but I really haven't had a chance to grill him yet.

Yesterday, he did not come to the rink, so that gave NY a chance to swoop right in. For some reason he always shows up late, and right around the time they slow it down for 2-3 songs. I was just skating by myself, minding my own business, and he came swooping in. He didn't even tie his skates all the way up, breaking his neck to get out there. I feel sort of bad - he called while I was working out earlier in the week, and left a message about how he enjoyed skating with me and he really though we had a connection, etc. There's just something about his NY-ness that can be off-putting at times...I can't put my finger on it. At the very least, I could make a new friend. He and one of the other NY skaters worked with me on my trio skating and I had a good time for a little while. But then I got bored, so I took off my skates and prepped to leave early. He knows I'm going out of town this weekend, so he came over and asked to see me before I left. So, we're going to dinner on Thursday night. Should be interesting!

This is pretty much how dating goes in Charlotte (for me, anyway). It's feast or famine. You'll have weeks and weeks go by where no one approaches you, and you can't get a date to save your life. Then all of a sudden, they just converge and you gotta make choices and schedule things. Reminds me of the time in college, when my friend Tiffany convinced me to go on two dates in the same evening. Comedy! I could probably do a much better job with that now than I did back then, but I won't even try it.

Happy Monday, Blogger!

Where is she when I need her???

My alter ego is a little more assertive than I am. But she generally shows up when people piss me off. Sometimes I need her to nudge me out on the limb and make me take a chance with things.

Case in point: I went to lunch today with my friend Michele. We went to Olive Garden (note that I am stuffed to capacity and had to bring food home). Our waiter was cute! His name was Joey.

Joey seemed to be getting his flirt on with me the entire time. He kept calling me sweetheart, but he only said it to me, not to Michele. But did I ask for his number? No. Did I write my number on the receipt? No (well I paid with cash anyway, so I didn't have a pen. But still.) Why? I JUST complained about this horrid dating scene earlier today. I know the main reason why I didn't ask for his number...that's another story for another blog, though...

Oh well. I did give him a very nice tip.

Sigh...

For some reason, I've been thinking back on what I was doing at this exact time last year. The bottom hadn't fallen out of the relationship with E just yet. It's Friday and it's balmy outside. We'd probably be sitting outside at a restaurant somewhere, talking about what our week was like...making plans for the weekend. Despite the crash and burn ending, we really did have some good times.

You couldn't have told me 2 years ago that this is where I'd be now. That we wouldn't be together...that we'd be barely speaking, and I'd want to hurl sharp objects at his head (well, not really...but you know what I'm saying). This is such a crazy turn of events.

I must have really been sending out the vibes last year at this time, because this is right about the time my mother and sisters started calling with out-of-the-blue statements like, "I just wanted to check on you and make sure you're ok," or "I just had the feeling I needed to call you. Initially, I did not tell them that things were not working out. Of course, I had no choice when we actually broke up. It's funny, the older we get, our ESP with each other just gets better.

So now, it's 2009. I just got home a little while ago from working out. It's Friday night and I have no plans. The most exciting event of this evening will be me oiling my hair. I have weekends where I really don't want to be bothered, but this is not one of them. I wish there was someone who cared about me, who would come over and rub my knee after I work out, or take me out to dinner to distract me from the rough week I've had. Really, I'm sitting here wondering if I'm ever going to have someone like that again. If he does come along, will I be smart enough to see him? Will I just push him away or totally jack the whole thing up? Am I even ready to be with him right now? If KC was actually close and accessible, could I hold up my end of the deal? I just don't know.

Unresolved Feelings

I broke up with my ex-bf last summer. We were living together, and I moved out the first week of September, right after Labor Day. It's been 9 months...I was feeling good, thinking I had resolved all my feelings about the issue. I even tried casually dating someone, but that didn't work out 'cause he was/is retarded, and that in itself is a blog entry.

Last night, I went home and had a "me" evening. Lit my candles (I used to sell Partylite and I have boxes of stuff left over), had my wine, and fell asleep feeling nice and relaxed, around 9:30 p.m. What wakes me up at 2:30 a.m.? A dream about the ex. About seeing him out in public with the woman that he cheated on me with, and him finally admitting that he did cheat and that they had started a relationship before ours ended. The dream ended up with me ripping him a new one...I mean I have never cussed anybody out like that before, and that's what woke me up. I wouldn't be surprised if I was talking in my sleep. The dream was weird though, because the woman in the dream was NOT the chick he allegedly cheated on me with - it was somebody else that I know from skating. Weird! Anywho, I said "allegedly" because he will say to this day that he never did anything wrong...but that's another story for another blog.

I'm mad that I'm still mad about this thing! It's not a matter of wanting to get back with him, because I don't. He tried (back in the fall), and I made it clear that the trust was gone and there was no point. I'm not in love with him anymore. I think I'm just still angry. I'm angry about everything that went down. It was just so useless! It didn't need to be that way.

I want this anger gone. I know that I can't move on until it is gone. And it's not like it's there all the time (or maybe it is, and it's just repressed), it just seems to rear it's ugly head at random occasions. Au Naptural wrote a blog about giving up the things that weigh us down, because otherwise we won't be able to fly. That is totally on point. So why can't I give up the anger? I don't know. I guess I just need to pray about it. Y'all pray for me, too.

Dating older men

A friend of mine wrote a blog about dating older men. She and I used to work together in Atlanta. She should be about 25 right now...or something like that. Much younger than me. She has way more gumption than I had at that age. Anywho, her blog discussed the reasons for possibly looking for an older man - more stability, the person is more grounded and has already "sown his royal oats," and other things similar.

I have to disagree...or maybe I'm just meeting the stupid older men. Take this guy I met in Atlanta in my bowling league...we'll call him Ashy Larry. AL worked for UPS...and brown clearly could do nothing for me. He got the nickname AL from myself and my teammates, because his knees were CONSTANTLY ashy and he always had those dayum brown shorts on. Lotion, fool! Olive oil! Crisco! Somethin'.

So Ashy Larry takes a liking to me. He's not completely unfortunate. I could always keep a vat of Curel in the car. AL invites me to go to dinner with him after church one Sunday. We plan a time, and I figure what the heck. I had just gotten out of a stupid relationship, and needed to learn how to "date" again. That Sunday arrives, and Ashy Larry calls...he's going to be late because they have a meeting after church with the deacon board...blah blah blah. OK, fine. I can't really knock him for being involved with the church, right?

So 5:00 p.m. rolls around...then 6:00 p.m., then 7:00 p.m. By 8:00 pm. I'm halfway between worrying that something happened to him, and cussing his azz out for wasting my dayum time! I had no other plans that day, but still.

He doesn't call over the next couple of days. I see him at the league that Tuesday and I am most certainly giving him the side-eye. I have a hard time keeping my feelings off of my face, although some of my friends are worse than me. Now AL's parents are older and they have some health problems...he tells me they had to take his dad to the hospital. I'm thinking, "ok - that is forgiveable." But oooooooooh no. That is not the reason AL stood me up. This FOOL said, "well the meeting ran late, so after we got out I went to dinner with the deacon board."

Um. You and I had dinner plans. You went to dinner with the deacon board?????????? JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL. I just sighed and walked away.

Now, my birthday rolls around (in January). AL gets wind of this. He approaches me and says, "I want to get you something for your birthday." I tell him it's not necessary...mostly because I can just imagine what sort of foolywang mess he is going to show up wtih. My birthday was on a Saturday. So the following Tuesday at league, my team is bowling the "vacant" team, and we finish earlier than everyone else. I'm about to leave and AL comes running up to me and says, "I have your present in the car." Sigh. OK, fine. We walk out to the parking lot.

I put my bowling bag in the car and turn around. He comes up to me with this black duffel bag. Now, AL bowls on several teams in different leagues. They all have the same name. I'm not going to give it here, LOL. But him and several members of his team have personalized license tags with the initials of the team name. I would imagine they have all sorts of goodies with the team initials on it. You will see why this is important in the next paragraph.

I look at the bag and notice the following:

1. At the top of the bag, his freakin' team initials are embroidered. Fool, I am not on your team. Why do I want a bag with your team name on it? Which leads me to believe that you had this bag chillin' in your closet and came up with the DUMB AZZ idea that it would be a good present for ME. Negative.

2. This fool has had my entire GOVERMENT name embroidered onto the bag. My first name on the left side of the bag, and my last name on the right side. My first name is in white thread, and my last name is in red. WTH? He's telling me that I can take the bag to use when I'm traveling. Do you think I want to be walking through the airport with a duffel bag with my ENTIRE GOVERMENT NAME WITH NON-MATCHING EMBROIDERY????

3. This fool has spelled my last name wrong. Anybody who knows me in real life, knows that gets on my nerves. But what really irritates me about that is, this dude is the LEAGUE TREASURER. You see my name EVERY WEEK when you collect the dues. Seriously???

4. It's a freakin' DUFFEL BAG. You coulda got me some flowers. A card and some candy. Just a card, frankly. What woman do you know who puts "duffel bag" on her birthday wish list???

Thankfully it was dark outside, because at this point it's about 9:30 or so. I don't think he saw my face, otherwise his feelings would have been hurt, and he was sitting there all jipper-looking. I can't even remember if I said thanks. He just kind of gave it to me and then was like well, "I have to get back inside" and walked away. I remember throwing the bag in my trunk and being thoroughly done and outdone. My teammates had already left the parking lot, so on my way out, I proceeded to call them and tell them about the whack azz present I had received. They were crying laughing at me. That was not that funny, y'all!

I am just verklempt at recalling this mess, and I can't write any more. But, I have more stories about older men. I'll have to share them later.