I've been thinking...

...about this whole "being a mother" idea of mine. If you had asked me in my 20s, I might have said, "absolutely not!" And for the last couple of years, I've been leaning more towards "maybe" and "yes."

But now, as I approach my 35th birthday (in January), I'm leaning more towards, "it's not going to happen." I feel like this for several reasons. First and foremost, I'm hitting that magical age where you become elderly in terms of maternity. Extra tests for the baby, extra risks for you and the baby...truly frightening. I know that plenty of women have had babies over 35 - heck, over 40 - with no issues. But it is definitely a concern.

Secondly, this dating scene out here? Straight DISMAL. I've met maybe one guy whom I can envision as father material. And the older I get, the less likely I am to meet someone who has no kids. Cheryl was telling me she read an article about Black women and marriage, and it stated that in the 70s, most children were being raised by a mother and a father. Today's stat is that 70% are being raised by single women. That increases the chances of meeting a man who has drama with the mother of his children. I don't know if I'm ready to even deal with that.

Third, I enjoy my "me" time. I really do. I know that sounds selfish, but I can admit it. All my friends with kids - whether they are married or single - all say they need about 10 more hours in the day. I like that I can work a bit of OT if needed, without worrying about daycare time limits. I like being able to leave work and go for a 4 mile run, without needing a Franklin Planner to set the time aside (do they still use Franklin planners? I remember they were all the rage when I was in INROADS, LOL). I have a few friends who would like to start working out and doing things for their mental, spiritual, and physical health, and they just simply do not have the time. After work their evenings are consumed with pickups from day care, homework, dinner, cleaning up, putting kids to bed...I admire all of them because I just don't understand how they get it all done. I guess I'm scared I WON'T be able to get it all done. People say, when you have kids you just do it. Just like when I tell my mom that I have no maternal instinct whatsoever, and she says, "when you have a baby you'll see, it will kick in." And I look at her and say, "uh huh...ok."

I don't know. I know this all could change if I meet the right man. But right now, I don't think it's going to happen...and I don't know how I feel about that.