Sometimes I'm probably too nice. But if an ex hasn't really made an egregious error, I don't just completely stop talking to them. I don't have a problem with polite conversation. "How are you? How's the cat? How's your family?" Whatever. I don't want deep details about your current life, and I'm not going to give you deep details about mine. Anywho, I have an ex who I occasionally talk to on IM. Good ol' R.
Lemme tell you about R. If I had been out somewhere, like a club or something, and met R, we likely would have never dated. He's not someone that I would normally be attracted to. Yeah, I'm 5'2", but I like taller men. Or at least someone who's still taller than me after I put my heels on. He wasn't completely unfortunate, but he's not Idris Elba either. Anywho...we were talking online and I liked his personality, and that's what got him in the door (little did I know, he just sent his representative, and not the real R - more on that later).
I'm a WYSIWYG kind of girl. I wouldn't send someone a pic that was not an accurate depiction of me. If I gained 20 lbs, I'm not sending you a pic of me in college where I was eating like a starving Ethiopian. So he knew that I wore my hair in natural styles from the jump, he knew how I dressed, etc. I guess he took that as a challenge, because one of our main issues was his attempts to try and change me. "Why don't you wear your hair like this?" or, "I don't like those shoes with the chunky heels, why don't you wear this kind of shoe?" FOOL - back up off me. Only time I need fashion advise from you is if I try to leave the house wearing plaid and polka dots (which I would NEVER do, lol). If you want to mention what you like or what you'd think I'd look nice in, that's fine. But I don't wanna hear it 248 times a week, ad nauseum.
I asked a friend of mine how married life was treating him. He told me that people send out their "representative" while you are dating, and then you meet the real person when you get married. The way he said it, cracked me up. But now that I think about it, he is right. R sent his representative. The real R showed up later - the insecure R who was so worried about what other people thought about him, and he tried to preject that mess onto me. The one who never wanted to go out and do things, and got mad when I discovered I had more fun roller skating or bowling than I did sitting around the house watching him take on home improvement projects that his azz had no idea how to do. Know your skill set and stay within it, people! Needless to say, I chunked the deuces to him and rolled out. This was a few years ago.
Fast forward to yesterday. I send him a quick note to say hello. He's telling me about all these activities he's doing now...which strangely include bowling and roller skating, amongst others. Things that make ya go hmmm. I don't speak with him long, because I have errands to run. Later that afternoon, this dude sends me a couple of text messages...in summary stating that he still loves me and wants us to reconcile.
Is he crazy? Absolutely NOT. Shenanigans. Like my girl Whitney said: