Thursday, October 1, 2009

Watching Someone Say Goodbye

Everyone handles grief in different ways. Some people just keep themselves busy; they don't want to think about it. Others retreat inside themselves, and they are just barely capable of functioning. I hate to see anyone going through this kind of grief, and thus, I am not a big fan of funerals. I have mixed feelings about my last vision of someone being them in a casket. Today, a very good friend had to say goodbye to her father. His 2 year battle with cancer came to an end last Friday morning.I wonder why we need the funerals sometimes. It seems like it just makes the grief worse. We have the viewing, and then with great finality the casket is closed, and you really realize - like for real - that you are never going to see that person again.

My stomach was in knots all morning. Besides the fact that I hadn't been feeling well for the past two days, I knew I had this funeral to go to. I'm just not a big fan of funerals, but I wanted to be there for my friend. I knew she would have plenty of family there, but there's something about looking out and seeing your friends. When my aunt died, I spent the majority of the days between her death and her funeral, trying to be strong for my mother. It was like, as soon as I had a second to really think about it, and start crying, something would come up that had to be taken care of. My mom was so distraught at the funeral, I spent the majority of the time trying to comfort her. When we got to the grave site, I remember just praying that they would wait until we left before they started to lower her casket, because I knew my mom could not take that. I was angry, sad, nervous, frustrated...everything. I was standing there, finally letting out some of my pent up sadness, when I felt a hand reach out and rub my back. I turned, and it was my best friend. I didn't even know that she had made it to the service. I don't even know if she knows how much that gesture meant to me. I'll never forget it. I felt alone with my feelings...even though I was surrounded by all my family. Her one gesture just brought me back. I say all that to say, I know K appreciated us being there.

I'm just going to really pray for her. She was really close to her dad. I've sort of dreaded this day for a while, because I just didn't know how she would take it. I'm very proud of her, she did very well, considering. These next few months are going to be really hard. Thankfully, she has a great support system in her family and friends.


Anonymous said...

You're right. Having friends to support you definitely helps a lot. May she find the peace and healing she needs to cope. It's not going to be easy, but it will get better.

This One Woman said...

This is so true. Most of my moms funeral 7 yrs ago is a blur but do remember my best friend hugging me as I cried. Seeing that friend that is there just for you makes a big difference. I'm sure your friend appreciated it.

Tazzee said...

I was the same way at my grandmother's funeral. I was busy helping to put it together and being strong for others, I don't think I even cried. That was over 9 years ago and every now and then I still cry - alone.

I agree - closing the casket, lowering it into the ground, throwing dirt on the casket - a little too much for me.

I'm glad you were able to push through and be there for your friend.