Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Dads and Daughters

On Sunday I talked to my dad for about 2 hours. He's not big on talking on the phone, but we usually end up talking for a couple of hours because we don't talk every week. We have to catch up on the goings on of life for each one of us. I hear different things from my mom and my brothers, but I like to get things directly from the horse's mouth as well.

He told me that at his last doctor's appointment his scans/tests were good, and so far the cancer has not tried to come back. He said, "I don't know what the reason is, but I guess The Lord needed me to stay here and do more." So I jokingly told him, "well one day your youngest daughter might actually get married! I need you here to walk me down the aisle - duh!" We had a good chuckle about that. He said he was speaking with someone at church and he said he guessed that his oldest (my brother T) and his youngest (which would be me) have given up on being married.

So I told him, I haven't given up, but the game has changed significantly, even since my sisters and my other brother got married. You can't marry just anybody. I don't want to get married and then 2 years later I'm separated or divorced. I don't want to jump the broom for all the wrong reasons. I really haven't even told my dad any of the dating horror stories, and I didn't want to get into specifics, because I don't want him up there worrying and upset. I just told him to "keep hope alive." We talked about how men were back in his day, how they looked at the responsibility of marriage, as opposed to how it is today. I'm glad for the strides we've made as a society, but some things we need to take it back to old school. I'm tired of seeing my female friends working it out in every area of their lives EXCEPT relationships! What is the deal? I know several intelligent, funny, witty, smart and caring women who keep getting their hearts chewed on by these bamas out here. It just seems so unfair.

One place we could start is the father-daughter relationship. Even if it's not her biological father, I think it's just as important for girls to have their fathers as it is for boys. You really need a male role model. Someone who can show you what a man is supposed to do, how he should act, and how he should treat a woman. I am a member of a particular discussion board on FB. One member posted a question about whether it better to not have a father at all, or to have one and know him, even though he might be a mess. I don't really know the answer to that one. I saw posts supporting both sides. My dad has been in my life all my life. Not all of those years have been good. He's been dealing with his own demons, and when I moved down here, part of me felt like I had finally "escaped" from that.

I got here when I was 24. It took me until I was about 30 to finally say, this is my dad - take him or leave him. He loves me. Things in the past cannot be changed. I can sit here and be mad at him, or I can just try to move forward from now. Since then, our relationship has gotten progressively better. He'll be an "alcoholic" forever - once you get that title it doesn't go away. BUT, since he got sick, he can't drink like that now. I love my dad and always have, but I really LIKE my sober dad! Yeah, I may be in my 30s, but now I can really learn some things from him and I love hearing stories about the past. I think all us girls need that, so we can stay optimistic for the future. :)


Tazzee said...

My Uncle is like a father to me. Our relationship has helped me when choosing a mate. MM is so much like him. I didn't realize how much until they met and they love each other.

Many of my early relationship mishaps were daddy issues. I'm so glad I'm over that now.

Anonymous said...

You have a very healthy perspective. Good for you and your dad!!