Sigh...

For some reason, I've been thinking back on what I was doing at this exact time last year. The bottom hadn't fallen out of the relationship with E just yet. It's Friday and it's balmy outside. We'd probably be sitting outside at a restaurant somewhere, talking about what our week was like...making plans for the weekend. Despite the crash and burn ending, we really did have some good times.

You couldn't have told me 2 years ago that this is where I'd be now. That we wouldn't be together...that we'd be barely speaking, and I'd want to hurl sharp objects at his head (well, not really...but you know what I'm saying). This is such a crazy turn of events.

I must have really been sending out the vibes last year at this time, because this is right about the time my mother and sisters started calling with out-of-the-blue statements like, "I just wanted to check on you and make sure you're ok," or "I just had the feeling I needed to call you. Initially, I did not tell them that things were not working out. Of course, I had no choice when we actually broke up. It's funny, the older we get, our ESP with each other just gets better.

So now, it's 2009. I just got home a little while ago from working out. It's Friday night and I have no plans. The most exciting event of this evening will be me oiling my hair. I have weekends where I really don't want to be bothered, but this is not one of them. I wish there was someone who cared about me, who would come over and rub my knee after I work out, or take me out to dinner to distract me from the rough week I've had. Really, I'm sitting here wondering if I'm ever going to have someone like that again. If he does come along, will I be smart enough to see him? Will I just push him away or totally jack the whole thing up? Am I even ready to be with him right now? If KC was actually close and accessible, could I hold up my end of the deal? I just don't know.