Marilie's Musings

One Year of Yoga!

2012-01-26T14:35:00.001-05:00

I realized that on 1/3 it had been a year since I started my yoga practice. A year since I got to class 5 minutes late, wearing socks, and Stacy introduced me to a whole new world.

I didn't even practice on my anniversary. I was in ATL ingesting calories I didn't need. When I returned to Charlotte, I promptly went to my favorite yoga studio and paid for a month of unlimited yoga. It was $99.

I know some folks are gasping for air, but that really is a great deal. To just drop in for a class is $16. 6 random classes would be $96.

Between 1/5 - 1/26, I've attended 23 yoga classes.

I'll let you do the math on that. LOL!

I feel so much better when I go, so I have resolved not to neglect my practice this year.

Some of the things I'd like to work on this year:

--core strength
--shoulder flexibility/openness
--handstands/head stands
--side crow

I'm hoping a regular practice will continue to help me in these areas.

I'm very grateful for everyone I've met on my yoga journey. I can't wait to see where it takes me.

The Cohabitation Chronicles: Man vs. Cat

2012-01-24T21:09:00.003-05:00

It's no secret that HH is a dog person. I remember year 1 he was talking about this big ol' horse dog, a cane corso, I think? Whatever it was, it was huge and would need about 3 acres of land to roam and pillage.

Uh, no.

So, he has to get used to having a cat. His dad has a cat, so it's not like he's never been around them before. Every day he is amazed by the stuff she does, and I'm like, "ok..." I guess because I've had cats most of my life. I WILL say that Bogey is unlike any other cat I've had before.

They seem to have some kind of competition going on. Or something. I can't quite figure it out. They have their own communication going on. Mostly him yelling at her for doing some cat like thing like, running under his feet, begging for treats, wanting to sleep at the foot of the bed. When he walks toward the bedroom, she runs that way in attempt to beat him to the door and then run under the bed, 'cause she knows he hates it. I don't know how she knows, but she just knows. Every time I come home from work, they are having some kind of "discussion" and he has now "banned" her from the bedroom. The door is literally closed and she is lurking in the laundry room, waiting for the chance to sneak in. LOL!

In the past few days, I've gotten the following text messages while at work:

"Where are the incense??? This d*mn cat stinks!" (left a present in the litter box for him, I guess)

"Crazy azz cat in here doin' wind-sprints!" (anyone who has a cat knows they will just burst into random sprints around the house. I call it the Kitty 500.)

"This d*mn cat just sh*tted smellin' like a grown d*mn person! And, got the nerve to be lookin' at me like she ain't did nothin' wrong!" (Riiiiiiight. Because humans always smell like roses and honeysuckle. LOL)

"Ummm...I didn't realize that the quilt was a "dry clean only". So, if the pillow cases come out wrecked from the washer...Bogey did it! :-\"

Sir. Now we're blaming everything on the cat? LOL!

They frequently side eye each other. I had a good pic the other day, but I accidentally deleted it. He was on the couch and she was on the back of the couch. They were just staring each other down. It truly is comical.

Every now and then, they have a nice moment. A couple of nights ago we were sitting on the couch watching tv. I was on the right, he was on my left. She jumped up and curled up into the space to his left, and he was rubbing her on the head. Awwwwww. Lasted for about 90 seconds and then she got annoyed. I guess he wasn't doing it right. *shrug*

Oh well. My first cat lived for 17 years, so I have a feeling Bogey will be here for a minute. He's gonna have to deal with it!

Bless all of our hearts. But we're not getting a dog right now. So...yeah.

The Cohabitation Chrolnicles: Sharing Space

2012-01-23T21:33:00.002-05:00

(we can thank Melleaux for that title...lol)

Sooooo...it's been 9 days since HH's arrival. Oh - LDR now = HH. His initials. His choice. LOL! We are slowly but surely integrating his things into the house. One thing has become painfully obvious:

WE NEED MORE SPACE.

Or maybe we need less isht? Well, probably a combination of the two.

And the thing is, it's not like he brought a lot of stuff! He didn't even bring furniture. Just...stuff. Clothes. Books. Paperwork. Random tchotchkes. O_o

For the past few months its been me and Bogey. We settled into the space and got a routine going. De-clutter each day, major cleaning on weekends everything in its place.

Enter the dragon.

If dragon = clutter monster! I think clutter makes him comfy! He just sits stuff down the first place he can find. Mostly on the console table in the hall. Sir. No! Why? I feel sort of bad/guilty/frustrated because it's not MY space anymore, it's OUR space...BUT IF YOU DON'T PUT THOSE DAMN KEYS IN THE BASKET WHERE THEY BELONG AND STOP SCATTERING MAIL EVERYWHERE!!!

LMAO! OK. I digress.

It reminds me of the episode of Tia and Tamera, where Tamera talked to her therapist about moving Adam's things into her condo after they got married. She had to stop thinking of it as HER condo. She had to try to see it from Adam's point of view.

I totally get that episode now.

So, we're making adjustments. And I don't want this to sound like a complaint post because its not. I wouldn't change it for the world! It's more like a brain dump. And throughout all of this we have laughed so hard. At our "moments" (like me moving something 2 minutes after he sets it down, and him looking bewildered).

I'm giving up space in the house and creating shared space in our relationship.

#winning!

New Year, New Adevntures

2012-01-01T14:39:00.001-05:00

I think I may have been asleep when the clock struck 12:00...but then I was woken up by what seemed to be a combo of fireworks and gunshots. Gotta love Georgia!

I'm down here visiting family and friends for the start of 2012. It occurred to me that I hadn't updated my blog with the greatest change that will be happening this year:

LDR GOT HIS JOB TRANSFER!!!
*throws blue confetti*

He'll be here in 13 days...I think part of me is still in shock. When he Sent me the text a couple of weeks ago saying to "call him ASAP" I thought something was wrong. I called and he said he had gotten a call from his company's headquarters wanting to know if he was still interested in transferring. Well, of course!!!

Then, being the claim rep I am, I started asking detail questions, for which he didn't have the answers and I was like, "get off the phone with me and call your boss and get the deets!" I learned later that someone here must have gotten fired or quit, and when they went to check the transfer list, his name was at the top.

So now, we're just preparing. It's been a minute since I shared space with someone. Y'all have seen my shoe collection...I don't know how we're gonna work out closet space. LOL!

Luckily, we had a skeleton of a plan in place, because we figured when he got the call, it would be a fast transition. His brother is taking his furniture. Duplicate items are being given away. He's trying to get everything he needs to bring to fit in the car. Pretty much his clothes, his stereo, and that's about it. LOL! The 14 year old was a bit upset...I think he thought he was going to come down right away. Once LDR explained to him (there's a reason I rented a 3bdrm house) he understood. Plus there's the matter of reworking the custody agreement. That takes courts, and time. And we need him to get his grades up this second half of the school year. But we will do everything in OUR power to get him down here with us.

When I left after Thanksgiving, that was a hard goodbye at the airport. I cried as soon as I realized I had to get in the security line (we usually get there early enough to sit and talk). He shed a few tears as well. I think at that time we were just feeling the weight of the distance, and not knowing when our next visit would be.

Funny how things work out when we do what we're supposed to do, and then get out of the way. :)

Thanks for all your prayers and words of encouragement. We can't wait to get started on 2012.

Two Years Ago Today...

2011-12-17T10:51:00.001-05:00

Well, actually, I don't know when the exact date was. Had I known it would be such a milestone, I might have paid attention. I really had no clue.

But two years ago this month, my life changed for the better. Why? Because this handsome, intelligent, silly man - who listens to NPR and BBC in the middle of the night - sent me an IM on FB and said, "if you ever want to talk on the phone, here's my number." Now, if you ask the comedian, he will make up a totally different story. But that is, in fact, how it went down. LOL

Was that our first IM or interaction? Nope. Shoot, we've actually been in the same circles since junior high. We just never hung out directly. So when I got the FB friend request I said, "I know him!" and happily accepted.

At that time, I had just finished my half marathon. He started asking me about running, and we chatted occasionally. And then there were the horrible dating stories. Like the older dude who wanted to meet for lunch at Chik-Fil-A because he was tired of women taking advantage of him. And Ashy Larry, whom I met in my bowling league in ATL. Actually, it was the Ashy Larry story that set everything into motion.

After I posted it, along with a photo of the bootleg birthday "present" he got me, it was LDR who said that all these southern men were messing up and leaving the door open for him to swoop in. I don't think I took him seriously, though.

Then he sent his phone number. We haven't stopped talking since then!

He's the reason that one of the first apps I downloaded on my iPad was NPR. The impetus for me to go harder when I'm ready to give up. My dad really liked him. Always asked about him when we talked. And LDR took to him like they had always known each other. Even spoke at his funeral. He always checks in in my mom and puts up with her antics (those of you on twitter know the stories, lol).

I'm so glad that I chose to let things progress instead of trying to orchestrate my life to the T. The more we talked, I realized how much we thought alike and how wrong I had been, up to that point, about what I thought I needed.

And now, we just need to get to the same city! Can't wait to see what the next two years will bring.

Feast or Famine

2011-12-15T20:03:00.004-05:00

You know how when you're single, it's hard to find someone worthy of dating...and then when you're in a relationship, folks come out of the woodworks? That's how it seems to be with my job situation.

I promise you, the MINUTE I began giving serious thought to going back to NY, here come the job opportunities. LOL! First, I got a call from a manager I had done a phone interview with previously. She called and told me about a position out of her office, but she wasn't sure if it could be worked from a remote location. She said she'd check with her managers at the end of the week and let me know. I hadnt heard anything before yesterday, so I assumed it wasn't available anymore. Yesterday, my current manager asked me if I had applied, and asked me to forward the confirmation email. Still waiting to hear on that.

Then a workers comp adjuster who previously worked for my company, sent an email to someone who still worked for us, asking her to find out if any liability adjusters were looking as they had a position open. I forwarded my resume last Friday. So did another co-worker. We both had interviews today. I kept hearing things about this position that were making me think twice about applying, but what I was told in the interview made me feel much better. It's on a different side of town but the commute wouldn't be bad.

On Tuesday, my old supervisor called me and said that she was asked for recommendations for another internal position, and she wanted to know if I was interested. I told her I'd like to know more about it, and the next morning after yoga class, I spoke with a manager in that department. What she told me piqued my interest, so I applied yesterday morning. Today, the director called me to do a phone interview, but I missed him. I left him a message this afternoon.

Things like thtis always make me say, "really?!?" My friend Stacy says this is the universe telling me I need to stay in Charlotte. She refuses to discuss relocation with me. LOL! LDR says, "do what you gotta do, babe."

So, what I gotta do is wait and see how this all plays out. :)

Changes, Changes, Changes

2011-12-09T10:24:00.002-05:00

So if we're friends on FB or Twitter, you know I got the news Monday that I'm going to be laid off in February. The account I handle claims on has decided that they are going to handle their own claims in house.

Now, they will have some positions up there, but frankly from wh at I've heard, I would not want to work for them directly. Reduction in pay, reduction in vacay time, totally different and very rigid culture. Uh, no. Sigh.

This economy makes it so hard because the choices are limited. It's almost like you are just caught between a rock and a hard place. You have to fight like mad to find something halfway decent, or just take what you get and be miserable.

I'm weighing options right now, including a move back to New York, since LDR hasn't been able to get his transfer down here. Honestly, if it wasn't for JUST getting the rental house, my immediate answer would be load up the truck and get on back to NY so I can get on with the rest of my life. I don't know what kind of life I'd have in Syracuse, and I certainly never envisioned returning...but at least I'd be with the one I love.

Then there is always the option of Virginia, because that's where my sisters are. They have room for me and I know they'd help me until I find another position and get my own place. That's a little closer to NY than I am right now, but without all the ridiculous snow.

People keep asking, "what are you going to do?" Um, I just found out on MONDAY - I have not made any decisions as of yet! LOL! I'm just letting the news sink in. It's funny because many people I'm close to are going through changes and it seems like we're all searching for the stability we once had.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-12-07T09:42:00.001-05:00

Made It Through!

2011-11-25T10:20:00.001-05:00

We had to visit three houses yesterday for Thanksgiving. That's a lot of people and a lot of food. Not to mention, I had to try to watch the Cowboys/Dolphins game. Lots to do!

We got up and headed to the football field so that LDR could play on the Turkey Bowl. That's the annual game where high school alum come back to live their dreams, lol. When we got there, only my brother and one other guy was there. Now last year there were a ton of people and it was probably 20 degrees colder!

While they waited for players, I went down to the track and started my work out. I got a 5 minute walk and a 2 mile jog in before they decided to head to another city high school to see if everyone had convened over there.

We made it over to the 2nd school and there were people there, but none from our school. LDR got in the game and I jogged another mile and walked 2 miles, and then we left.

We showered and headed to my mom's house first. I wanted to see my niece before she left and went to her mom's side of the family. Our gathering was small this year. My sisters stayed down south, and of course my dad is gone.

LDR only eats fish, and it seems like his family forgets that every year. I asked my mom the day before to fix him some, so soon after we arrived she fried some up for him. I had a small plate of food and we chatted for a bit. Then it was on to my future MIL's house.

Did I mention that LDR has 10 siblings? 7 on his mom's side and 3 on his dad's side. So momma LDR's house is always a cacophony of sounds; nieces, nephews, siblings, everyone! We settled in to watch the game and then during halftime we watched a DVR'd episode of Restaurant Impossible because LDR's nephew was hired to be a chef at this particular restaurant after it was cleaned up. I had another small plate of food and we had a good time laughing and talking. His second oldest sister asked when I was gonna become her sister in law and I told her to talk to LDR. LOL!

After my Cowboys' narrow victory over the Dolphins, we headed to my future FIL's house. They didn't cook this year, so I didn't have to make room for another plate. However he FID serve me the best piece of bean pie I ever had in my life. I could use another slice right now! Anywho, we didn't stay too long because LDR decided to work the holiday. We came back to my mom's house and he took a nap in the back bedroom until it was time for work.

And that was our day! I slept over at mom's and I'm here now while he rests at home. Not sure what we're gonna be doing later. I have really enjoyed my vacay and I'm sad it's winding down. I hope everyone had a great holiday! :)

Old Soul

2011-11-18T10:03:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I went to a continuing education seminar for my industry. I always love attending because: A) I get 6 credit hours, B) I get to see old co-workers, and C) they have a holiday party afterwards. :)

Anywho, I sat at a table with two of my old co-workers. I was talking to one, I don't even remember what we were talking about, but she asked me if we were the same age. She's about 41, I think. I told her no, that I'd be 37 in January. She said, "you have an old soul."

She is not the first to tell me that. And I don't take offense to it at all. I think because my brothers and sisters are so much older than me, I've always been that way. About 10 years ago I had a different co-worker (who worked with us as well) tel lme that I was the "oldest 26 year old she ever met." LOL!

Sometimes I do feel like I was born about 7 years past my time...LOL. I like old school music, old school tv shows....you name it. I mean, don't get me wrong - I DO appreciate things from today, especially the technology. LDR teases me all the time about my gadets (iPHone, iPad, etc). But to me, it just seemed like my siblings just had an easier, much more simple time when they were growing up. The ones that are married got married pretty young, and they didn't seem to face all the dating shenanigans and things that I've faced over the past few years.

Do you ever feel like you belong in another era?

Disappointed

2011-11-17T20:07:00.001-05:00

I didn't get the job. :(

I was in the middle of a seminar when the HR recruiter called and left a message. When I saw the number, I felt excited. Like, it didn't occur to me that he was calling to say no.

I called him back on my lunch break, and he reiterated how it was a reallly tough choice for them, and that if any more opportunities came up locally they would let me know. I said ok, and I thanked him for the opportunity, but in the midst of the call I felt like I was in a daze.

Whaddya MEAN they don't want me?

I've had interviews where they called me 6 hours layer and offered me the position.

Sigh. Oh well. Back to the drawing board. Onward and upward. All that jazz. I just wish I wasn't so bored where I am now. I'm watching things go on around me that just are not right/fair, so I will just keep working to get out of the situation.

Three Things Thursday

2011-11-03T11:40:00.002-04:00

I am looking forward to this weekend! So glad it's Thursday.

1. Speaking of three, I currently have 3 computer monitors on my desk. Why? Because we are transitioning to the computer system of the company that bought us out. It has NOT been smooth. I already have a headache today.

2. I sent out my thank you notes for my interview on Tuesday. It was a panel interview with 4 people, so I was looking online to see if I should send one letter or four. I ultimately decided on four separate letters. Let me tell you, it is a challenge to come up with 4 thank you notes about the SAME interview, and have them all be different. But I think I nailed it. :) Now, we just await their decision. Cross your fingers and toes!

3. I will be in NY and see LDR in 16 days! *squeals with delight*

So what's going on with your Thursday?

Cued Up on the Kindle App

2011-10-31T11:57:00.004-04:00

OK, this is the last post of the day. I swear. But I had to tell you about this, before I run to the dentist:

The Leftovers - Tom Perotta

Imagine you and a friend are out to lunch, chatting, eating your salads. All of a sudden, your friend is just gone. Disappears into thin air. You find out throughout the day that many people in your town have just vanished without a trace.

That is the setting for The Leftovers. What happens to the people who are left behind if there is a Rapture? Is it even a rapture? Or a 'sudden disappearance,' as the government has labeled it?

Of course, nobody knows the answer to that, but so far I am loving what I've read. I think one of the main reasons I like it, is that he didn't write it from a preachy, religious standpoint. There are religious themes mentioned, but you are introduced to a variety of characters. People who are just trying to go on with life as usual...and then some who are moving on with life in not-so-usual ways. It's like he just sat down one day and thought about what would really happen if this went down.

I've found myself just reading and reading. I fell asleep next to the iPad last night. It's fiction that makes you think. I can't wait to see what unfolds next.

This Needs Help

2011-10-31T11:16:00.004-04:00

Yeah. No bueno. This is my precarious set up for my shoes. LOL! Tinisha, my loctician, has challenged me to reduce my inventory to 50 shoes. I haven't started that transition yet. Right now, we're at about 72.

I was looking at this at the Container Store:

~~Two~~ Three problems:
1. I'd need like 6 of those things. That's a lot of cash.
2. The reviews on this are pretty iffy.
3. I don't actually think my shoes would fit in these boxes...and I only wear a 7.5 (sometimes an 8 if I REALLY need the shoe in my life and there's no 7.5 available. What?).

I need suggestions. I'd really like something like the shoe organizer above. I need to find someone who's good with wood and they can just build me one from scratch. LOL!

Winning! (in my Rockstar Stacy voice)

2011-10-31T10:52:00.004-04:00

If you've been reading through any of my yoga posts, you know that I struggle with headstand poses - both the tripod headstand and the regular headstand. There's something about being upside down.

This morning, Stacy took me into a wide legged straddle on the mat, and then said that if I wanted I could play around with tripod/tripod headstand. I decided, eh - why not?

So first I went into tripod:

(that's me from earlier this year)

Then, I got focused. I found my drishti - in yoga that is your gaze/focal point. It's helpful in balancing poses to have a drishti to keep your concentration and focus on your breathing. After that, I started my transition into the headstand. Stacy is always telling us that we shouldn't rush into poses...much like life, we need to focus on the transitions.

For some reason, I always start with my right side, so I carefully lifted my right knee from my elbow and pushed it straight into the air, then pointed my toes. Normally, I would immediately try to push that left knee up, but this time I waited. I waited until I had my balance and my abs were engaged. Then I pushed my left knee up (and this is really more about your core than your leg strength).

Voila! I was up in the air! And balanced! And hopefully it looked something like this (I don't know 'cause I couldn't see it. LOL!):

(photo courtesy of fitsugar.com)

I'm guessing that a lot of folks can lift both legs at once. I'm not there yet, and I don't know if I'll ever be there. I'm just happy I was able to stay up there for about 3 breaths before I started to tilt and had to bring my legs down. My goal is to be able to hold that for 5 deep breaths and be able to release with control. Maybe one day come back down into tripod and then move into crow.

Everything is a work in progress. Even though that ab work in yoga is no joke, I try to focus on my breathing and do it, because stronger abs and a stronger core lead to triumphs like this.

Focus on your transitions this week! :)

2011-10-30T11:05:00.003-04:00

Last year on this date, I was at my grandmother's funeral. My dad sang "In The Garden." He struggled to even make it to the funeral. How he had the strength to get up and sing, I have no idea. But he did it.

At one point during the service, my dad was holding my right hand, and LDR was holding my left. And I wished that it could just stay like that. But I knew it could. He was dying right in front of my eyes.

I know this all went down a year ago, but some days it feels like it just happened. Does that ever go away? I guess that's a rhetorical question. Nobody can tell you how your own grief is going to play out for the rest of your life. I'm really just rambling...but it's my blog, so that's what it's here for. :)

I wondered how I would feel a year after the fact. Like my favorite yoga teacher often instructs me, I'm just going to observe my feelings and I won't judge them. They are what they are.

Wise Words

2011-10-29T11:54:00.003-04:00

Happy Saturday, Bloggers!

I'm resting today and trying to do a little detox. Too much sugar and processed foods during the week, and I feel like a mess.

I didn't have much to say, but I did want to share some excellent advice from someone I really respect and admire. Way back when I first went natural, my friend Rob said, 'you need to let Tinesha do your hair.' I had no idea what I was doing, but for some reason I never did take him up on that.

Fast forward to 2011, and not only is Tinesha the bestest loctician EVAH, through her I've met two other wonderful ladies - Jessica and Kelley. These three women have the greatest spirits - I knew it from the first time I met them. There is just something about them. They make me laugh. They make me think. And every time I leave their salon, I just feel better. I mean, of course my hair is on point, but I just feel better INSIDE.

Take a gander at her post about letting the RIGHT people into your inner circle.

Namaste. :)

Moving Into New Spaces

2011-10-27T10:06:00.004-04:00

Moving into the rental house has been a blessing, and I'm enjoying my new space (although, sometimes it can be a little TOO quiet, lol). There's something about moving into a new space that is just exciting for me. New challenges, a change from the norm. Maybe it's the Aquarius in me. As a child I was always changing my room furniture around. My mom used to say, "if you move that furniture one more time it's gonna fall apart!" Of course, now that I'm older, my furniture is much heavier so I can't move it like I used to. But I enjoy changing up what I can.

In my yoga classes, my teachers are always challenging me to move into new spaces. To expand my flexibility and build strength. When I started, lots of poses had to be modified because of my inflexibility, or my myriad injuries (lol). Now that I'm stronger and a little healthier, I try to do the full expressions of poses whenever I can. I don't put my knee down in side plank anymore. I try to open my arms when I'm in my chair with a prayer twist. I reach for the floor in my side angle pose instead of resting my forearm on my quad. I love to feel my practice expand.

As far as my career, I've been in the same space for a minute now. The company I've been working for since 2008 was bought out by another company in our industry. The culture of the old company and the culture of the new company are like oil and water. Total opposites, and they do not mix. It's going to be a drastic change. And it's not one I'm sure I want to be a part of. Everything ain't for everybody...the older I get, the more I understand that phrase. They've pretty much showed us that they don't really care about the people. It's very "like it or lump it." Well, in a recession, most folks are not in a position to lump it. I can just see that it would eventually drain my spirit, which is no bueno. I desire to move up in the ranks, but I don't know if this is the place to do it. Do I really want to (essentially) start over somewhere else?

On a whim, I did post for an internal position, but I was really debating about what I'd do if they DID offer it to me. They call it a "lateral move," because they say that our job grades/pay grades from the old company are much higher than theirs. Translation: we'll move you to this position and give you more work, but we're not going to give you a raise. This internal position involves some files that are in litigation. I've had a small amount of litigation experience; the problem with positions that involve litigation is that they already want you to know how to handle litigated files. OK, well how can I learn if no one will give me the chance?

I kicked azz on the phone interview, and according to my current manager, they "loved" me, but their only concern is the litigation experience. *crickets chirping* You can pretty much teach anyone anything, unless you're just dealing with someone who has no ability to retain information. I'm not that person. Everyone I've worked under will tell you that. When I came into claims I had zero experience. You don't go to school to learn about claims. Everything I had to know I was TAUGHT. I bring things to the table that you cannot teach: my personality, ability to work with all kinds of people, ability to work independently or within a group, the ability to lead, the respect of my peers, my thirst for knowledge, and that internal drive that I will do my job and do it well, because it's not within me to put out shoddy work product.

If they can overlook all that, they've answered my question about whether or not it's time to move on to a new space outside of this company.

So, I'm taking the leap to find a new position. I had a phone interview two weeks ago for position, and now I have an in-person interview on Tuesday. I don't know why I'm feeling so nervous. Maybe because I really want to get away from where I'm at now. I think a lot of my peers are going to start looking, and I don't want to get caught in the rush of people flooding the job market. I want to move NOW, while folks are still debating.

I've gotten offers on every job I've ever interviewed for since college, except for one. And that didn't have anything to do with my skills, but with my credit report (ah, youth. LOL!). I'm hoping that streak will continue. If it crosses your mind on Tuesday around 3:00pm, send out some positive vibes for me. :)

Are you moving into any new spaces in your life?

Dear Grandma...

2011-10-23T09:55:00.003-04:00

It's hard to believe you passed away a year ago today. You made it through 99 years on this earth. I'm 36 and some days I just feel tired. But I think sometimes our technology and advances have served to make our lives a little more difficult. You kept it simple: God and your family.

At Thanksgiving, Pam and I try to recreate your sweet potato pies. Uncle Gene says we've done a good job so far. He's also put in his 2 cents about what we need to do or what we could do. That's your son, the retired chef. :) We know it's not exactly like your pies, but I don't think Thanksgiving would be Thanksgiving without those pies on the dessert table.

Mom seems to be doing much better. I know that she still misses you and Dad a great deal. Speaking of Dad, can you tell him hello for me? And give him a great big hug and kiss and tell him we really miss him. Today is Sunday, and this was usually the day that he and I would talk for an hour or so. I still laugh about the Sunday he tried to trick me into having LDR bring him some ox tails...knowing he could not have it. I almost wish we had given it to him anyway.

(Grandma ans a few of her brothers - date unknown)

You managed to outlive all of your brothers. I wonder if you are with them now. Or with Uncle Rafe or Aunt Lennie. I hope so. Then that means we have a whole extended network of family watching over us.

I am still working on that family tree project. I hope I can find some more of your family that we haven't met yet. Maybe they can come to the next family reunion.

Well, I just wanted you to know that we missed you. Our lives have been changed but we carry on. We hope you're looking down and that you're proud.

--C

Statesville Balloon Festival - 2011

2011-10-22T23:45:00.001-04:00

This year, we decided we'd actually go early to the festival. Last year, we tried to go close to launch time. EPIC FAIL. We ended up watching the launch from afar.

We got there around noon this time. They had two balloons set up for tethered rides. For $10, you get to float straight up into the air, hover, and come back down. After standing in line for 2 hours, we didn't make it onto either balloon. The first ran out of fuel, and the second had to shut down to get ready for the mass launch. Just as I was going to challenge my fear of heights. Oh well. :/

The festival was gorgeous. Carolina blue skies, and everyone out having a good time. If you live in the Charlotte area, you MUST go at least once. There are food vendors, craft vendors, jewelry, clothing...you name it. One of the vineyards had some lovely sangria for $5 per cup. I spent the $10 I WOULD have spent on the tethered balloon ride on sangria. What?

I have to thank my friend Senetra for inviting me to enjoy the day with her and her 4 year old daughter. This child's vocab rivals that of most grown folks I know. Matter of fact, it exceeds. She has questions about any and every thing. It was fun to see the world through her eyes for a day.

Next year? We go early. Like 8:00 am. We WILL get on those tethered balloons!! And we will take lawn chairs and water bottles and snacks. Yep. That's the ticket.

Anywho, here are a few pics from the day. Enjoy!

Friday Fun Facts

2011-10-21T09:52:00.002-04:00

Well, maybe not facts so much as thoughts from me. :lol:

--This morning I got ready without the tv or radio on. I actually enjoyed the silence. Gave me time to think and do a little walking meditation.

--While I was perusing one of my favorite blogs, I thought it was about 6:50 (per my watch). Looked at my phone and it was after 7:00. Looks like the battery is dying. I'm hoping there is a jewelry store on my side of town that sells Tag Heuer's and can therefore send my watch for service. If not, I'll have to drive all the way to Carolina Place Mall.

--I had to scrape ice off my windshield this morning. Hello, fall.

--I've come to the conclusion that my cat lives under my bed. She's scared of the house. That's all I can break it down to...there's no explanation. LOL! I think she comes out during the day to play periodically, because I put her cat toys away but when I come home, they are in random places. But for the most part she goes under the bed before I leave, and when I come home she comes out from under the bed. I think I'll have a chat with the vet.

--I will see LDR in 29 days. :)

--Tomorrow I'm going to the Statesville Hot Air Balloon festival with one of my co-workers and her daughter. We went last year. We're going to go early so I can go down and get close up pics with the balloons.

--I have a lot of work to do today and no motivation to get it done. :/

--These cool morning temps have made me realize it's time to pack away the summer clothes. That will be my project when I get home tonight. I'm quite sure there are a lot of fall/winter clothes from last year that I can't fit, so I will probably have to go shopping at some point.

What are your plans for this weekend?

One Rant, Coming Up!

2011-10-19T18:42:00.003-04:00

So...most apartment complexes charge a pet "fee" here. Which is different from a pet "deposit."

The fee is you paying for the privilige of having a pet on premises. The deposit would be used to cover cleaning or damages when you move out. If the charges are less than what your deposit was, you get the balance back.

If your lease says "fee," then you're just azzed out and they can charge you an additional $145 for "pet treatment" of the carpet...even though they got your $250 when you moved in. They make a profit off every tenant who has a pet that doesn't really do any damage.

I think that's bogus! If my pet damages the apartment you should absolutely charge me for it. And you SHOULD do the pet treatment on the carpet. I'm in total agreement. But to just charge $250 for GP?!? And the fact that North Carolina allows this foolishness is just... #iCant

The things we do to make money in America. Sigh. At least tell folks up front - look. Put away about $145 'cause that's what we're going to charge you to treat the carpet when you move out. Regardless of this $250 pet FEE you just handed over. At least then, it would feel like you gave me the courtesy of using some Vaseline. &*^%%#@(!!!

As I said, this is a rant...because it's in the lease and there's nothing I can do about that. I've already paid it. I just felt like ranting. That's my disclaimer for the legal eagles who may peek in. :lol:

What's on the Kindle App

2011-10-18T19:31:00.004-04:00

After reading about this via Yoga Journal, I decided to download and check out the hype.

All I can say is, Suzanne is hilarious! I love her writing style. She's had me being introspective, grossed out, laughing hysterically...everything. I was at the hair dresser when I got to the part about her yoga retreat in Bali, where the teacher advised them to avoid the local water and to keep themselves healthy by drinking their urine.

Yep.

In the beginning she referred to them as pissdrinkers. #iDied

According to the Kindle app, I've gotten through about 62% of the book. The last yoga book I read was fiction. There are some points in this book that I forget she's actually talking about something she went through. It's basically set up like journal entries, of the journal she kept while at the retreat. I'm not sure if she posted entire entries, or just the meatier parts (I'm sure some editing had to be done before it was published).

If you like yoga, and you're not afraid of cuss words and honesty, then I'd recommend this read. :)

The Things Folks Do For Love

2011-10-18T10:06:00.003-04:00

I have a co-worker who is going natural. She said she was ready to cut her hair off, but she has to go to a wedding this weekend for a cousin on her father's side. So she's just going to get it blown out and flat ironed. I asked her why didn't she just cut it.

She said that her cousins/aunts on her dad's side of the family take after her grandfather in terms of features. Her words were, "they're all AKAs with long, straight hair." O_o So basically, if she showed up with her short natural, they would have a fit, ridicule her, etc. So she said she was going to just go ahead and straighten it out and just deal with it, and that she was doing it to keep the peace, for her dad's sake. This side of the family often berates her for her weight gain as well. She said when she was in college, skinny with long hair, everything was gravy.

Um...if my dad WAS alive, I just can't imagine him asking me to subject myself to this type of ridicule or behavior, or ask me to go through all kinds of changes to keep the peace with people who are CLEARLY too concerned about what's going on with everyone else's life. Thankfully neither side of my family is like this.

I told her that I can't fathom or envision putting myself into this type of situation purposely. I'm all about self preservation. Maybe I'm just selfish. I love my family to death, and I would hope that they would never subject me to anything like this. Nobody should be that concerned about what's going on with my follicles or weight gain except ME. And I would not be in attendance at that wedding.

Sigh.

Her story made me sad, yet grateful at the same time. I'm grateful I'm surrounded with the people I have in my life.

Locs Check In

2011-10-17T13:03:00.001-04:00

It's been almost a year since I started my locs. I can't believe it. They are coming along slowly but surely. I just got them washed/groomed on Friday.

I've been so happy that they won't come out when they get wet, that I've apparently been over wetting them. :/ My loctician wants me to focus on using oils instead of water based products. She also told me to ditch the bonnet and sleep in a scarf that will keep them together and should keep them from getting as frizzy. Maybe the front ones will loc a little better. I'll have to go back to cleaning my scalp with cheesecloth & witch hazel, and only do a full on washing when I henna.

It's a learning experience every time I get my hair done. Maintaining loose, natural hair was so much easier! But nonetheless, I love the journey.

The photos were taken today with my iPhone. I usually try to take pics with a real camera right after grooming, but I got sidetracked.

If you run across this post and you're newly natural or just starting locs, hang in there! Your hair is unique to you. It will take you through trials and tribulations, but stick with it. :)

Sunday Randoms

2011-10-16T18:38:00.006-04:00

RANDOM BRAIN DUMP in 5...4...3...2...

Some of my new neighbors continue to remind me on a daily basis why we cannot rise as a people...

I miss having a Starbucks right up the street. When you have to get in the car and make a lengthy drive, suddenly the latte is not as important. LOL

The Cardiac Cowboys aka the Dallas Cowboys continue to give me chest pain.

Having to choose between the Eagles and the Redskins today was like having to choose between beets and pickled beets. I kinda wanted the Redskins to win. And the bamas let me down.

The other day at the dentist my BP was 110/66. SCORE! That's yoga, baby.

I think I've either strained or torn some of the muscle in my calf. It hurts to even touch it, and I noticed earlier today that it was a bit swollen. I will probably have to go to the doctor. I wish I was comfortable with a sedentary lifestyle, because these injuries are for the birds.

Girls' Night In was great! We never did watch the movie we had planned to watch. We ate, drank wine, talked about natural hair care, and watched crazy YouTube videos. Everyone had a good time. Not sure when the next one will be since the holidays are coming up. But I definitely want to do another one as I had two ladies who could not make it.

I have become obsessed with vacuuming my carpet.

Bogey has been here 2 weeks and every day she acts like it's her first day at the rodeo. Bless her heart. She's just petrified of every little noise or thing.

It's coming up on a year since my grandma and my dad passed. Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday.

I still haven't deleted my dad's info from my phone. :(

It's jeans week at work. That will make my life much easier this week, wardrobe wise.

Tomorrow morning I have my final walk through at the old apartment. If these folks even think about trying to charge me for stuff that is normal wear and tear we're gonna have issues. LOL

When Chris (maintenance guy) was here, he thought my HairVeda CoCasta Shikakai hair oil was soap and tried to wash his hands with it. LOL!

A Different World

2011-10-16T16:54:00.004-04:00

I knew that renting a house was going to be a different world from renting an apartment. First and foremost, I have a yard now. I have zero yard maintenance equipment. LOL! And even if I had it, I'd have nowhere to keep it because I don't have a garage or a storage shed (this was built as a starter house during the housing boom).

Secondly, there are a TON of kids in this neighborhood. I mean, a ton. I don't mind people's kids when they know how to act, but some of thse hellions have jumped straight off the screen from "Bebe's Kids." They look at you like you're in the wrong when you're driving down the street, even though they need to get the h*ll outta the way. I blame this on the parents that always seem to be missing in action. Sigh.

Third, is the amount of time it takes for them to respond to a maintenance request. They have one maintenance guy named Chris. He hails from Detroit. They are apparently working him like a hebrew slave because he wasn't able to make our appointment yesterday at 5:30. That actually worked out well, because I was stuck in traffic due to an accident. But note that I put the maintenance request in shortly after moving in on 10/1. Yeah.

So Chris arrived this morning a little after 10:30 and promptly went to unclogging the tub and sink drains in the master bath. I know you're probably thinking, why didn't you use some Drano? The type of drain that's in this tub is screwed in and you can't just lift it out. He had to use pliers. Not to mention the isht that was in there when he pulled it out. He told me he's found Barbie legs in drains before. LOL! I did not stay there for the whole cleaning process, but when I walked back in all this gunk was sitting in my tub before he rinsed it down. Needless to say, I'll be bleaching the tub tonight. O_o

I showed him the ill-working fridge they threw in here. When I first saw the unit, I was excited. Side by side fridge and freezer, in door ice and water dispenser. Then I discovered that the ice maker and water dispenser don't work. OK then. Not a big deal. Never had one before, don't need it now. Then I opened it up, and it became clear that this was a used unit. Again - not a huge deal, I'll just need to clean it out well. But when you give me a fridge that doesn't get cold enough, now we got a flag on the play.

It builds up a layer of ice on the back of the freezer, but none of that seems to make a difference. So I pretty much have a refrigerator where the freezer should be, and a refrigerator that's relatively useless. He told me he'd email the property manager (who is on vacay in the Bahamas - must be nice!) and let him know. He started talking about getting a unit similar to what I have. That's when I had to step in and call the 30 second time out.

Listen, dude. I just need a freezer-on-top unit that WORKS. As in, a new one. Tell the owner of the house to use some of the rent money I paid him PROMPTLY on 10/1. LOL! I don't need anything with bells and whistles. I simply need frozen food that's frozen, and cold water when I need it. Not soupy Ben & Jerry's and lukewarm juice.

So, we'll see how this plays out during the week. Property manager is not due back from vacay until Thursday. In other news, two little boys who are TRYING to be useful members of society stopped by today and asked if they could mow my yard either today or tomorrow for $20. I like it when kids are doing positive things, so I accepted their offer. Especially since it's time for a mowing. We'll see how they do. :)

Taking Care of Home

2011-10-14T11:10:00.003-04:00

I noticed, in my last few months in my apartment, that I just dreaded doing chores. My schedule of getting to bed early, getting up early and being gone all day left little time in the afternoon/early evening for me to address household chores. It's just me (well, Bogey is there too but she doesn't do much), but one person really can make a lot of clutter/mess! I found myself having to do everything on the weekend. I'd spend most of my Saturday and Sunday doing laundry, vacuuming, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the bathrooms, etc.

I decided that when I moved into the rental house, I would make a much better effort to keep things in order. First and foremost, I am trying to make myself do laundry during the week. It's much easier to do 1 load per night than to have to do 4-5 on the weekends. But then I wondered, what else can I do?

Martha Stewart to the rescue. I'm not like a MS stan. I didn't/don't watch her show. I've never bought any books. But when I did my Google search on keeping home organized, I came across a checklist of hers...which led me several more checklists. I printed out 6, specifically:

--6 Things to Do Every Day
--Weekly Cleaning Checklist
--Monthly Cleaning Checklist
--Seasonal Cleaning Checklist
--Medical Supplies Checklist
--How to Keep the Refrigerator Clean

I don't know about that seasonal list...I just glanced at it, but I don't know if I'll be doing all that. I don't own the house I'm living in. LOL! However, I really found the list of 6 things to do every day to be very helpful (I did most of those things anyway), as well as the weekly cleaning list. I also need to have a better medical supplies box/first aid kit. So I plan to put those to use.

The 6 things you should do every day are:
Make the Bed
Manage Clutter (look around rooms for clutter and pick it up before you go to bed)
Sort the Mail (make bins for personal correspondence, bills, catalogs and filing)
Clean as You Cook
Wipe Up Spills While They're Fresh
Sweep the Kitchen Floor

You can find all of these at www.marthastewart.com/checklists

What do you do during the week to keep your home organized?

It's the Weekend!

2011-10-14T09:49:00.002-04:00

So glad it's Friday! I have a couple of things brewing this weekend:

1. I have two phone interviews today. One for an internal position and the other is with a new company. The internal position is lateral with no increase in pay, but exposure to more complex claims. I will find out about the external position later today. In this economy it's nice to have two opportunities.

2. This afternoon I get to see the wonderful ladies of @revolutionEGO to get my locs maintained. They are doing really well. At the end of November it will have been a year since I started them. One of the best decisions I've made.

3. Tomorrow I'm taking a yoga workshop called Yoga for Runners from 2:30 - 4:30 at Charlotte Family Yoga Center. It's going to help us with our breathing during runs and also with some stretches to help us with the tightness and injuries that often plague runners, such as IT band issues. I am looking forward to it. I hope some of my running buddies will come out and join me.

4. Saturday evening I'm having a Girls' Night In with 6-7 friends. We're going to watch an old school movie, eat snacks we don't need, drink wine and just chill out. I think everyone needs time away from their husbands/kids/significat others to just hang out with the girls. Should be fun! :)

5. Enjoying the rental house, but not happy with their response on my service issues. Slow as molasses. I guess that's the trade off from apartment living. Unfortunately they're coming tomorrow, shortly before my Girls' Night In starts, but during the week it would be so much more difficult to meet him. I would have to leave work to go over and disable my security alarm. Hopefully he can get everything taken care of tomorrow.

6. Sunday is going to be a rest day! My Cowboys are back after the bye week and will face the Patriots. I hope Romo has had a chance to regroup. *facepalm*

What do you have planned for the weekend?

Three Things Thursday!

2011-10-13T09:12:00.002-04:00

*blows dust off blog*

1. I'm currently on my Twitter/FB annual hiatus. It's been 3 days. I feel like Pooky from New Jack City. I will probably have the shakes later today at my desk. And of course, they decide to come out with the FB for iPad app right as I'm going on hiatus. *facepalm*

2. I strained my calf last week during our run and it's still trying to work itself out. This morning only one other person showed up for our BGR run, and her legs were tired from hill work the day before. So, we went for a 20 minute jog at conversational pace. I felt like I could have gone 15-20 minutes more. Conversational pace is where it's at! The calf is still tight, but not to bad.

3. My yoga is coming along fabulously. Ms. Stacy has been helping me take my poses further. I even held plank for a minute the other day. I've gotten to the point where I can do side planks without having my knee down. Still can't get that headstand, though. LOL!

Have a great day!

Running on Empty

2011-07-26T11:33:00.003-04:00

This "return to running" thing is hard! And it's not even about the physical. Well, it is. I mean, let's face it: I'm carrying about 20 lbs extra weight, and it's not like I've had anyone's baby, so...yeah. That means it's harder on the joints. Yep, like that knee joint - that pesky joint that has been injured since November and is still being rehabbed...albeit on my own and not at official PT. I had to let them go after they wiped out my FSA, man. :::cries silent tears:::

The physical exertion needed to get back to running is something I've done before. It's a big cardio adjustment, moving from a machine that carries all of your weight (elliptical), to running where you've got to support all your own weight. However, it used to be much easier than this. I am currently using Couch to 5K as a guide, and today was Week 3, Day 1.

That being said, my struggle appears to be way more mental this time. Here are some of the random things I struggle with:

1. When I finished my half marathon in December 2009, I was a size 6. Now, I haven't been that small since high school/college, and I had no pipe dreams of maintaining that size once training ended. But I figured, it can't be too hard to stay at an 8 or even a 10, right? WRONG! Well, partially wrong. I was able to maintain for a while, until the bottom fell out, around September 2010. That's when the plantar fasciitis just made it pretty much impossible for me to continue running. I had to shut it all the way down. Then my grandma and dad died three weeks apart in October and November, and add the stress...I swear I gained about 15 lbs while I was in NY dealing with all of that.

2. It feels like someone flipped this evil switch on my body's metabolism. I probably work out harder now than I ever did, aside from the previous running. I do cardio and weights 3x per week and power yoga 3x per week. I definitely am getting stronger in the upper body, but the pounds are not budging. The inches ain't moving. Matter of fact I feel like in some places my clothing is getting tighter. Is some of it muscle? Probably. But still. Very, very frustrating. It's hard to want to get up every morning at 5:00am when you feel like you're not getting any results.

3. In my head, I remember when I was running 9:45 miles (which for most people is pretty slow, but I was slowly working my way down and feeling good about it). So I want my body to do that. This ain't a 9:45 mile body. It just ain't. LOL! It's more like a 11:30 body on a good day. But my MIND still wants to go 9:45. Very, very frustrating.

I think, if you've never really run and THEN had a huge set back, you can't understand this, or can't understand why I can't get over this (well, I know one person who can - waving at her if she's reading this, and sending a hug). It's a challenge. I'm so glad I've gotten back into my regular yoga practice because I know that will help me "get out of my head."

I hope, when I get to Week 9 of C25K, I can look back at this and wonder what I was so worried about.

If you're working on your own personal fitness challenge, I commend you. This thing is hard work, but we'll get it done.

Confession

2011-07-25T12:43:00.003-04:00

"Confession of errors is like a broom which sweeps away the dirt and leaves the surface brighter and clearer. I feel stronger for confession." - Mohandas Gandhi

I've downloaded two books for my Kindle app on the iPad recently - "The Five Love Languages," by Gary Chapman and then "The Five Love Languages for Singles," also by Gary Chapman. They've been sitting there, looking at me like, "read us! Read us!" Although he says that singles can benefit from the original book, I decided to download the one for singles after
Serenity 23 mentioned it.

I started reading it last night and read some more this morning. There is a section about forgiveness. It's honestly nothing that I haven't heard before. Sometimes it's just the wording of things that can affect you. Like this sentence:

"Forgiveness is a response to confession."

Remember how when we were little, our parents would tell us, "if you just admit that you did wrong, it would be better for you." We'd continue to say that we didn't break the dish/kick the cat/scratch the furniture...all the while they KNEW we did it, and so the punishment definitely fit the crime. Would it have been less severe if we had said we did it? Possibly. We still would have gotten in trouble, but at least we told the truth, our parents would forgive us, and we'd move on.

How is it that we forget this as adults? Stuff would be so much easier if we could just admit when we mess up. I read that sentence and immediately was taken back to the end of the relationship with my ex. I can vividly recall apologizing for MY reaction to things...but he never once confessed to doing anything wrong. Even though we both know he did. Would that have saved the relationship? Hell no. But it would have made for a better transition. Had he just said, "yes, this is what happened," it would have been much easier for me to forgive him. Especially since I kept catching him in lies (did he forget that I'm a trained investigator? LOL)!

I mean, ultimately I am responsible for me. I know this. I'm responsible for how I react to things and the emotions I decide to hold on to or let go of. But that sentence really summed up WHY I had such a hard time with the end of that relationship.

Don't forget that your confession - no matter how much it feels like torture - can be healing for the other party involved. Maybe that could be your last selfless act before you part ways.

Bridging The Long Distance Gap

2011-07-19T11:53:00.005-04:00

"True love doesn't mean being inseparable; it means being separated and nothing changes."

"Missing you gets easier everyday because even though you are one day further from the last time I saw you, you are one day closer to the next time I will."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've been out of blog-spiration for a minute...lol. I tweeted that I'd blog if someone gave me a topic to write about. As usual, my tweeps came through and the topic for today is: The Top 5 Things That Make My Distance Relationship Work. Here we go!

1. COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION!
And one more time for posterity - COMMUNICATION! I can't stress this enough. If you hate talking on the phone, a long distance relationship is NOT going to work for you. LDR and I talk every day, several times a day. Every conversation is not deep and meaningful; sometimes it's just about hearing the other person's voice. He's not here, so he can't read my feelings based on my actions or facial expressions. If he's said/done something that bothers me or affects our relationship, I have to let him know. Really, that goes for any relationship, but especially for one involving distance. No matter the feeling, good or bad, you have to convey it. Also, keep in mind that email/texts don't always convey tone. What you meant might not be what is interpreted when the other person reads it. Voice to voice is usually best. It's always cool to get that occasional "sweet nothings" text message, though.

2. TRUST
You need trust in any relationship, but you REAAAALLLLY need it in a long distance relationship. We're not walking around with webcams to record every move of every day. I have to trust that when LDR says he is somewhere, that's where he is, and vice versa. This issue goes along with communication and transparency. We talk about our day and what we've done, who we saw, etc...we don't hide anything from one another. Now, I have the added security that our home town is about [ ] <-- this big. If he WAS doing something, there'd be 285 people trying to tell me about it. LOL! Not to mention, my brothers live there, and he has a big family...we have a wide circle of friends/family so eventually it would get back to me.

Most long distance relationships do not have this type of safety net. That means you're really going to have to step out on faith. If you need to constantly check your mate on their every move, a long distance relationship is not going to be a good fit for you.

3. ESTABLISHING VISITATION PLANS
Wait. That sounds like one of us is in jail. LOL! I can't think of another way to word it, so just work with me.

I find that if we have concrete plans about when we will see each other next, it reduces anxiety. Folks on FB and Twitter will tell you, LDR and I are always posting countdowns until our next visit. It keeps us sane. Because we're 700+ miles away from each other, airplanes are involved. That means scheduling well ahead of time. Not to mention, LDR has two sons so we have to keep them in mind when we make our plans. If you can, it's also important that both people do the traveling. I don't think it would be fair to ask one partner to constantly make the trips, unless it just works out easier for you to do it that way. It would actually be easier for me to go up there more, because I get more vacation days from work, but because it's my hometown, we have added distractions when I visit. Which actually leads me to my next point...

4. MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR FACE TO FACE TIME
Nothing is more frustrating that finally getting to see your significant other, and then the days are done and you feel like you didn't have any quality time. We both have friends and family up north, so when I go to see him, I often feel like I'm being pulled in two directions in a tug of war. Luckily, he is very understanding about the situation. My ultimate goal is to spend quality time with HIM, so while I may spend a day or so visiting family and friends, most of my time is with LDR.

When you're together, focus on the important things. If there are big issues that you need to discuss face to face, by all means, do that. Just don't sweat the small stuff. Does it drive me crazy that the contents of LDR's suitcase usually end up ALL OVER the apartment when he's here? Why, yes. Yes it does. LOL! Do I focus on it? Nope! We only have a few days of time together. I just covertly move stuff around while he's in the shower, or whatever. I also straighten up his apartment when I'm there, because clutter puts me in a state of confusion and disarray...but that's another blog for another time. :)

You also need to strike a balance between the "free time" and planned activities. When he comes down here I try not to plan our visit to the exact minute. There are days when it's worth more to me to just lay on the couch and watch movies, or cook together, or just be random, than it is to have a night out on the town or attend a concert. People always ask me, "what are you guys going to do while he's here?" Sometimes the answer really is "nothing." Just the fact that we are in the same space is enough for us.

5. DEDICATION
When we started this relationship, we went into it knowing that distance would present an extra challenge. But we both decided: this is it. We want to be together and we're going to make it work. We didn't step in with our toes, we jumped all the way in. You have to decide that this is the person you want to be with, and focus on that. When it gets frustrating, you don't go looking for a third party to make you feel better, and you don't start contemplating starting a new relationship simply because that person is in your physical presence and your SO is not. You focus on strengthening your bond, and you believe that the light at the end of the tunnel really is the moment when you two are occupying the same zip code and working on your "happily ever after." If you start thinking the light at the end of the tunnel is a train, you're going to get flattened. Period.

Of course, there are many other little things that go into making a long distance relationship work. I think these are the 5 big ones, for us. We most certainly have frustrating days. He can tell you that many times during our conversations I've said, "I'm so sick of this damn phone!" LOL! Or we've both said, "I wish you were here." So far it's been 1.5 years and still going strong.

Fruits and Nuts...Mostly Nuts

2011-07-15T21:15:00.004-04:00

Aunt Betty: "Our family tree is full of fruits and nuts. Mostly nuts."

What's your family tree full of? Do you know your roots? I'm currently working on the trees for both sides of my family. This is something I've wanted to do for a while, but never really got around to it. I just wasn't sure where to start. Enter modern technology, in the form of the iPad and an app called "Mobile Family Tree." I've spent a lot of money this summer, but I think this app is the best $14.99 I've spent in a long while.

I can remember two assignments in school - one in elementary school, and one in high school, both having to do with our family trees. In elementary school it was a tree diagram. It didn't have a lot of branches, but I remember being sad that I really didn't have much information to fill in. I want to say this was around 4th grade.

In high school, it was an 11th grade English assignment in Ms. Gingold's class. I remember her being in front of the class all giddy: "I want you to write about how your family came to be in the United States." Inside my head I was like, "really? OK. Slavery. The end." What the deuce? I remember being so upset about this assignment (I think it was actually a journal entry we had to write), but not knowing how to say, "this is some shullbit! What do you expect the black students in the class to do?" I don't even remember what I wrote. I fudged it and made up some stuff - but I made sure to throw that slavery in there - and all I really knew was that my parents were from GA. The end. But it always bugged me.

Side note: My BFF wrote a "protest" as to why this assignment was not fair to the black students in the class. Did I mention that I love her? She always had the guts to say the things that I was thinking, but couldn't quite articulate.

I don't know if my nieces and nephews have ever been asked to write anything about this. I just know I don't want them to feel like I felt. I felt ashamed that we had no info...and angry...and frustrated. People were coming to class with their stories about family crests and great-great-great uncle so and so coming over on such and such ship. I had none of that. And the ish was not my fault. And I'm sure no one cared, but I just felt stung by that whole situation.

So, I'm determined that we WILL have more information than what I had to fill into my anemic little tree in 4th grade. And THAT'S why I'm working on the family trees.

I hate that we let all these elders pass on in our family and didn't document more information. But it's been so much fun to find the info I've found so far. I didn't find out until our 2007 reunion that my great grandfather was married twice. My grandmother had a whole other set of siblings that I didn't even know about. It's been really hard to get information on them (my great grandfather was born around 1851), but I will do what I can.

And my nieces and nephews willNOTbe without info. And neither will their kids. :)

MIA...again

2011-07-12T13:51:00.002-04:00

I apologize for being gone again! It's been hectic. Just finished up my family reunion on my mom's side, and I'm working on the family tree for both her side and my dad's side. I've also been trying to switch to Word Press, but I haven't really figured out how to use everything over there. Very overwhelming - lots of bells and whistles. I consider Blogger easier to use right now...so I think the switch is on hold. I'll let you guys know.

What's everyone been up to?

Review: Gotta Yoga

2011-05-16T19:14:00.005-04:00

Today's yoga adventure found me at Gotta Yoga on the North side of Charlotte. It's not too far from where I live. When Living Social offered a deal for new students to buy 16 classes for $32, I had to bite. $32? $2 per class, man! (note that their normal drop in rate is $15, and that package of 16 classes? $150. So...yeah.)

Normally, I go to RockstarStacy's home studio on Mondays and Wednesdays at 5:30am for yoga. On Mondays, it's normally hot yoga. This week we decided to change to Wednesday and Friday since Kiesha is traveling. When I checked Gotta Yoga's website and saw they had a hot yoga class at 6:00 a.m., I had to bite. From what I can tell, most studios just don't offer early yoga classes.

I arrived around 5:45 or so, and it was still dark inside the studio, so I sat in my car. I was thinking, did I read the schedule wrong? But right around 5:50 our instructor showed up, and then I noticed a couple other cars pulling up in the parking lot.

I had been at the studio on Saturday, to activate my 16 class pass and take a look around (they were having teacher training and a class so I couldn't look inside the actual rooms). One thing I like about their location is that they have two showers available for our use. Each shower room has a chair, and a table with a mirror. The showers have shower gel and shampoo and conditioner. They even have towels! Of course, I had my own towel and tools, but it was nice to know they had those as needed.

The hot yoga class was taught by Alexandra Arrandt. There were four of us total. From her conversation with the others, I could tell that two of them are regular attendees, and the other woman was new to yoga. She appeared to be friends with the other two. I asked her later how many people normally attend the class, and she said they usually have about 8 people.

The room we were in was huge. The lights had an amber glow to them, and there were plenty heaters to keep the temperature at 95 degrees. Sometimes I like to set up by the heater, but today I chose a space up front. They had all the usual yoga props - bolsters, yoga straps, and blocks available. Their bolsters were cylindrical and I wasn't used to that, so I didn't grab one. I did grab a block and a strap, but didn't end up using either.

Alexandra started class by introducing Erica, a teacher in training, who was going to be assisting her with the class. We started out with some quiet meditation and then got into some stretching. It was a little different from the flow classes I'm used to taking with Stacy. I wasn't sure if it would be "kick azz" enough for my liking. LOL!

She asked at the beginning if anyone wanted to work on any particular body parts or moves. One of the ladies asked for core, and the lone gentleman asked for shoulders. The newbie didn't request anything, and I had no preferences. And so it began.

I need to have a talk with that woman who asked for core work. We started out the class with boat and canoe. Not just lowering from boat to canoe and back up, but after doing that a few times, she had us "row the boat" - which meant balancing in boat and then taking the prayer hands going from side to side as if we were rowing, literally. My abs were ON FIRE! (I almost want to erase this, 'cause Stacy is probably taking notes...)

I didn't realize it until Alexandra pointed it out at the end of class, but we did no warrior poses except for airplane/warrior 3. We came out of down dog and stepped into low crescent lunges. That was different. I liked it. We even got to flip our dogs.

The yoga gods apparently are determined that I will have open hips and shoulders. Yesterday in deep stretch, we went into Eka Bhuja Swastikasana. What is that, you say? Why, this here:

(If you want to see the video of how to get into this pose, click
here. )

This morning, we went into this pose again. It was actually good to get back into it. With the 95 degree heat, I had an easier time. Of course, with my T-Rex arms (lol!), I cannot get into the bind without a strap. We were given the option of taking the other hand back to the smalls of our backs, so I did that.

I had forgotten all about Erica until I was in a forward fold, and she appeared like a ninja and pressed my back down. She caught me off guard for a second, 'cause I forgot she was there. LOL! It was nice that she had someone to assist, because we got lots of yummy assists during class to help us stretch. Someone came and pressed my shoulders down during savasana...not sure who, but it felt great! After class, Erica told me she felt me "melt" into my forward fold after she came and pushed on my back. Good stuff.

Overall, I enjoyed the class very much. I loved the assists, but I don't mind being touched. It definitely wasn't as kick azz as Stacy's class, but that's ok. Sometimes you need to try something different, to bring some balance to your life. I wonder if she took it easy because she knew the one student was new to yoga. I'll have to try the class again to see what else she has to offer.

The studio is a good size. The bigger room has storage cubbies for whatever you lug along with you, and there is also a storage bench in the lobby area. I definitely loved being able to take a shower right there after class. It almost felt like taking a shower at home. I did ask if they wanted me to spray the showers down with anything, but Alexandra let me know they have someone come in to clean the showers.

I have 15 more classes to take, so I will definitely make my way back there! :)

I Wanna Try Yoga - Now What?

2011-05-13T20:02:00.004-04:00

Several people have seen my Curvy Girl Yoga post, and now they want to try yoga! I'm so excited! That is awesome news. No matter your age or athletic ability, you can do yoga. Just remember that.

Now - you've decided that you want to try yoga. What's the next step? I realize that everyone is not blessed to have a Rockstar Stacy in their lives. Which is a real shame. LOL! Yoga studios were opening all around me and I was convinced, after watching "Namaste" on Oxygen channel, that there was no way I was contorting my body like that. I didn't know anything about modifications. Stacy convinced me to give her class a try, and the rest was history! But since you probably don't have a Rockstar Stacy, I'll give you my 2 cents on what I think you should do to get started.

READING IS FUNDAMENTAL...SOMETIMES. Normally, if I was going to try something new, the first thing I would do is read and research. You CAN do that, but there is soooooo much information out here on yoga, I think it would be confusing. There is a Yoga for Dummies book out there (there's a "for Dummies" book on everything, isn't there? LOL) that really breaks down the basics, the types of yoga, takes you into some beginning breathing exercises, and talks about some of the poses. Honestly? If I had read that book first, I think my mind would have been doing too much, and I wouldn't have tried a class. Your mileage may vary. You might decide that you need your brain to be full. That said...

HOME VS STUDIO: The next thing you need to decide on is, will I start at home or start in a studio? Maybe you live in the boonies and don't have access to a studio. Or maybe you are intimidated by the studio environment - which, that's ok if you are. In that case, you may want to start with an at home video for beginners. Make sure you have a big enough space to practice. You don't want to be banging into furniture while you're trying to move. No bueno. The disadvantage to starting at home is that you don't have anyone to provide guidance to make sure you aren't going to injure yourself in a pose, or to provide modifications. I would just say that you should make sure your videos are geared to beginners.

If you want to make the leap to a studio, then check around your city. Do you know anybody who already does yoga? Ask them which studio they are going to. Check out the websites of the potential studios. What type of vibe are you feeling? In this case, you need to know what you want, in terms of environment. Some people just want their azz kicked, physically. They want some power yoga classes, they're not interested in the spiritual aspect or the meditation. They want to leave dripping in sweat, physically challenged, and good to go. Other people need a studio with a family environment, such as Charlotte Family Yoga Center. The provide Family Yoga classes on Sundays, where you can bring children 4 years and up to participate in yoga with you. They also provide child care during many of the classes, for a nominal fee. If you have young kids, this type of studio is for you. But you also have to be ready to possibly hear kids playing while you're down in savasana. If that's not for you, skip the family environment.

YOGA FASHION: Many of us are fashionistas outside of the studio, but might not know what to wear IN the studio. First things first - you need comfortable, light weight clothing. It's going to be warm in the studio. As you (and the rest of the bodies) start building heat, it's going to get even warmer. Don't go in there with sweats or UnderArmor on - recipe for disaster! You don't want to go in there with clothing that's too baggy, either. Oversized t-shirts will be falling all over the place as you try to move and get into poses. You'll want to get some clothes specifically geared to working out. At the same time, if you don't know how well you're going to take to yoga, or how often you're going to be practicing, you may not be ready for the likes of Lululemon or Prana. I know I'm not. LOL! Not yet, anyway. You can find clothing for yoga at Old Navy, Gap, Target, WalMart...lots of options. I tend to wear crop pants a lot. Something that's fitted and sometimes has the wicking fabric to get the sweat away from my body. I found some cute tops at WalMart, but they don't always stay put when I'm in down dog or inverted poses. That's the advantage of the more expensive brands. Just do what works within your budget. If you find yourself getting deeper and more involved in your practice, then you can upgrade your wardrobe.

TO MAT...OR NOT TO MAT? You don't HAVE to start with your own mat. Most of the studios have mats that you can borrow or rent for a nominal fee. If you are squeamish and need to know that only your "stuff" (LOL) has been on your mat, then check out retailers like Target and WalMart. If you decide that you want to continue you're practice, you'll likely find that those mats don't give you the stability or resistance you need, and you'll end up going for an upgrade. I personally use a Manduka eKO Mat (in the denim color, of course!). I use their mat sling to carry it to and fro.

WHICH CLASS DO I CHOOSE? Your first studio class will depend on what the studio has to offer. Hopefully they will have some kind of beginners series. Each class in the series will focus on certain movements.One class you may learn the sun salutations (Sun A and Sun B). Pretty much every flow class I've taken has started with these to build heat. In another class you may focus on the warrior poses, or triangles and forward bends. If you are fortunate enough to start with a beginners series of classes, you'll be well versed on the poses when you move on to the next level.

My first class was a slow flow vinyasa class. That means that your movements will be done in conjunction with an inhale and an exhale. In a slow flow class, you will hold poses for several breaths before moving on to the next one. In a power flow class, you do a lot more moving. I've been on several yoga studio websites and almost all of them recommend that people transition from beginners classes into slow flow. If there's no beginners series, have no fear. You can make it through a slow flow class. Just make sure to let the instructor know that you're new and may need a bit more guidance. :)

I'M READY FOR MY FIRST IN-STUDIO CLASS. WHAT DO I BRING? HOW DO I PREPARE? If you've bought a mat, bring that with you. You may also want to bring a water bottle, and a small towel to wipe the sweat from your brow or from your hands. You may want a small bag to carry your personal items like your wallet, keys, phone, etc. Most of the studios I've been to have little "cubbies" outside for you to store your things.

You'll be practicing in your bare feet, so if you are OCD about your footsies looking good, then get a pedi. However, do NOT lotion your feet or hands before class. You'll just slide all over the mat and it'll be an exercise in futility. Honestly, most people are not going to be paying attention to your feet. And your yoga instructor has seen every kind of foot there is.

EXTRAS: Most flow classes end with savasana - you lie flat on the mat (or on a bolster if you choose), with your eyes closed. There's soft music playing in the background and everyone is quiet. We're usually given cool lavender cloths to put on our forehead/eyes during savasana. Lavender is calming, and also very few people seem to be allergic to it. However, if you are very sensitive to smells, you may want to decline the towel.

Many teachers like to give you a little extra nurturing at the end of class. They may come around and give each student a small foot rub, or a shoulder rub. They may press your shoulders and/or hips down to help your relax and release during savasana. I took a slow flow class today and she came and rubbed our foreheads. If you don't like to be touched, you may want to let the instructor know at the beginning of class.

Most of all, just come in with an open mind, and a willingness to leave the rest of the world outside the class room for an hour, so you can treat yourself to something yummy.

I hope I hit the highlights for you. If you have any specific questions, just ask! Happy Yoga!

Back in Stride

2011-05-10T10:25:00.002-04:00

As most of you know, after the weight gain, the issue with my knee, and then the broken toe (ouch!), I got back into stride with doing Couch to 5K. This has probably been the hardest time for me to get back to running again. It's not so much the injury as the weight gain. I'm trying to move 20 extra pounds and it's just not that cute. I will work it out, but it's going to take some time. I hate this weight gain and I feel like I've let myself down (and others, too), but I know it's not healthy for my joints and I'm taking the steps to get it gone the right way, so it's just a matter of time and effort.

Today I started back with physical therapy again. I don't know if I blogged about it, but the previous provider said that I had osteo-arthritis. When I tried to go back to CardioFunkytown and my knee started hurting again, his response was pretty much well, you're always going to have problems with your knees, etc. Huh? Nah. I need something better than that!

When I went to my PCP to follow up on the broken toe, I talked to her about the weight gain and also about my issues with my knee. I felt really comfortable talking to her because, in addition to being my PCP, she also does sports medicine, and she is a runner herself. She asked me if I'd be ok with doing another set of x-rays, just so she could take a look at my knees. She went over them with me thoroughly and did NOT see evidence of osteoarthritis. From the symptoms I described (pain and clicking in my knee, feeling like maybe it wasn't tracking properly), she felt that I had patella femoral syndrome. Finally - there's a name for it!

She referred me for PT with a new provider, and today was my first day. I really like my therapist. He was very thorough. He really read through my history and the notes from my doctor - I didn't have to rehash everything because he knew it already. He says that the problem with my knee is two fold:

1. like a lot of runners, I have tightness in my IT band. I never thought about it, but he pressed on it and it was tender/sore. That tightness is pulling my knee cap to track outward, when it should be tracking inward.

2. my inner thigh muscles are not strong enough to support my knee cap and sort of pull it back to where it needs to be.

Therapy is going to be 2x a week for 4 weeks to begin. I have exercises I can do at home, particularly some IT band stretches that should help. I chuckled because one of the stretches is something that we do at the end of yoga class sometimes. We are also going to do strengthening exercises like leg extensions, squats on the wall, and straight leg lifts. But for all of these I have to squeeze either a ball or a rolled up towels between my thighs, to keep my knees from sounding like a bowl of Rice Krispies (snap, crackle, pop!). I am looking forward to it because I like lifting weights and I wouldn't mind getting stronger.

One of the things he tried today, which I didn't have at the previous provider, was electrical muscle stimulation. Now, as a claims rep, I've seen this coded on bills many times, from PT providers and from chiropractors. I never thought much about it and didn't really know how it would work.

He hooked up the electrodes to my inner thigh. I was lying down on a table. He said that if I could tolerate it, he'd want to get it up to a level where it caused the inner thigh muscle to actually twitch. I told him to go for it. He turned it up and the level where he stopped was a bit too much for me to tolerate for 10 minutes, so he turned it down a notch. Then he added in the kicker - every time the stim kicked in, I was to flex my leg and tighten up my quad.

Let me just say that EMS is no joke! About halfway in that machine kicked in and I tightened up my thigh and I think I made a noise out loud...lol! The longer you sit the more intense it gets. I had to do some yoga breathing for the last 4 minutes or so. Whoo! BUT, afterwards it felt really good. I was able to get up from the table without much pain. It's feeling pretty good as I sit here and type this. I definitely want to continue with that as part of my treatment.

The best news was that neither he nor my PCP want me to stop yoga or running. I was really hoping they would say that. I made sure to ask about that, because I don't want to derail my healing/therapy, but I don't want to derail my fitness goals, either. Depending on how late I work tonight, I want to hit the greenway and start week 7 of C25K, since I went to PT instead of running this morning.

Hope you all are having a healthy, injury-free week! :)

Show Me Love

2011-05-09T14:24:00.003-04:00

I was just reading on another blog, and the commenter said, "we all do not show love in the same way." Hmmmm. Yes, I guess this is true. Countless things can affect the way you show your love and affection for one another. Your background, when/where/how you grew up, and the people that you've met in this lifetime.

Me personally? I'm a "hugger." If I can give and receive a hug, that's the best. Some of the best moments with LDR are when he just hugs me and holds me. We don't talk or anything. We just hold on to each other. Or my sister...the one who retired from the military. She squeezes the LIVING BREATH out of me every time she hugs me. Like, I probably need a CT scan for cracked ribs, but I wouldn't have it any other way! In my family, we don't get off the phone with each other without saying "I love you." I know some people just aren't that vocal. I'm actually trying to think back to how many times my ex actually said that he loved me, and it wasn't in an email.. :::crickets chirping:::

Annnnnnywho (lol), I think part of showing people love is knowing what they like and HOW they like to be shown love/appreciated. Which I guess really only works if they reciprocate. For instance, I have a friend who just does not like to hug people. It's just not her thing. We would be at get togethers and people would try to hug her and then they'd remember, oh yeah, Y doesn't hug folks. I haven't seen her in quite a few months, but the last time I did she actually hugged me! I was like, "huh?" and it must have shown on my face, because she said, "I'm trying to do better with this." But I think she was ok with hugging me because I never tried to force her to hug me. Once she told me she didn't "do" hugging (lol), then I respected that. Others would be like, "well girl you need to get over that, I'ma hug you anyway." Um...no. That's not the way to approach that. Not if you want those same people to respect how YOU feel!

I think that people just want you to KNOW them. Know what's important to them and then act accordingly. People get tired of giving and getting nothing in return. So maybe what they're expecting is not what YOU would do. So what! If you LOVE them, then sometimes you suck it up and you give them what THEY need. Especially if they'd do the same for you.

As Tamar Braxton would say, "point blank period." :)

Yoga Off the Mat: Flexibility

2011-05-05T15:35:00.002-04:00

This week's yoga principle is flexibility.

According to Merriam-Webster, definiteion #3 of flexible is the following: "characterized by a ready capability to adapt to new, different, or changing requirements (a flexible foreign policy) (a flexible schedule)"

I was sleepy on Wednesday morning and a bit out of sorts. I really should have blogged this that day, so I'd remember more. Oops. LOL!

The first thing that came to my mind when Stacy mentioned flexibility was the physical act of being flexible. I mean, we're sitting on yoga mats and she's about to take us into a 1 hour routine that will most definitely require flexibility (don't even get me going on the crow push ups - whole 'nother post all together). Right?

But really, it was about you being flexible with what the world throws at you. If you're on the mat that day, and a pose just isn't coming to you, or you can't get it quite right, how do you react? Do you get frustrated with yourself and lose concentration for the rest of the class? Or do you continue to go with the flow (literally) and just do what you can?

The same applies in life. I like schedules and plans. And checklists. I get excited when I can check something off of a list. I feel like I've gotten something done. When I set a schedule/plan, that's what I want to go by. I get flustered if you (or life) come along changing the plan. In the past, I would let that throw my entire day off. I'd carry the pissivity (yeah, probably not a word but it is for the purpose of this blog, lol) into the rest of the day. At 4:00pm, still mad about what I didn't get to do at 9:00am and how it threw off my entire day. So that leads to stress and anxiety, and none of those are good for my health. See how that sucks?

I told Stacy about my initial thoughts in regard to flexibility...how I wasn't ready for all those push ups she had us doing in class - isn't that strength? What's that got to do with flexibility? I've been hoodwinked and bamboozled. Plymouth Rock landed on ME, man.

Her response: "I clearly stated that flexibility and strength are not mutually exclusive."

Oh. LOL! (well yeah, she probably didsay that, but it was 5:35am. Cut me some slack!)

There is strength in being flexible. We shouldn't feel like we're being weak or being defeated if we have to veer from the plan. It's ok. That's life! Duly noted.

So, take this lesson out into the world, my fellow yogis, yoginis and aspiring yogis and yoginis. Be flexible!

Fashion Find

2011-05-05T15:25:00.005-04:00

I found this at Cato for $15.99 - you can't beat that, man!

I wore it with a white tank top, indigo colored crop pants, and some pewter colored shoes.

What are your latest finds?

Curvy Girl Yoga

2011-04-26T20:27:00.006-04:00

I've made a few posts about the meditative and spiritual aspects of yoga, but what about the physical? Well Stacy is definitely helping me to develop my muscles. I got some triceps coming in! Here are some photos:

High crescent lunge: When I started yoga, I couldn't do this move with the right foot back, because I had broken my toe shortly after starting my yoga practice. So glad I can do it now! The alternative is a low crescent lunge where the knee comes to the mat.

Half moon: some days, this is just not a good one for me. I usually have to use a block under the hand at the bottom. I'm surprised I was able to hold this long enough for the picture. LOL! I probably fell out like a ninja right after the flash went off.

Down dog: this is a pose a lot of people are familiar with. When you first start doing yoga this may seem like a pose that takes a lot of work, but after a while you'll come to appreciate it as a resting pose. :)

Dancer: In this pose, you start out with the leg bent and the opposite arm up in the air. You reach back and grab your ankle, and then slowly bend forward. You really have to find a focus point so that you don't fall over.

Crow/Crane: This is one of my favorite poses. I think because I can vividly remember crashing and burning the first time I tried it. I was up for all of one second - if that. Then bam! Hit the mat. LOL! Sometimes after holding this for 5 breaths, we will kick out into a high push up. That took me a minute to learn as well. I had the bruised knee to prove it. :)

Tripod: I have an easier time going into this pose from crow...but I'm sure there are folks who can just get right into it with no issue. The next step from here is to try to use my abs to get my legs up into the air for a headstand. I've tried...I can get them up, but then I roll right over like a weeble-wobble. FAIL! LOL!

Chair pose, with an extra kick: up on the toes! Always have to keep it interesting!

Bow: not my favorite...it's hard for me to keep my knees in close, and I can't lift very high, but it's a work in progress!

Canoe pose: It works the abs. We lower our torso and legs and hold, then bring them back up and hold. Rinse, repeat. Whoo!

Crescent twist: after getting into the aforementioned crescent lunge, we may hold for one or two breaths before twisting and holding.

Warrior 3 aka Airplane: We were trying to do this in class the other day, but instead of prayer hands, we had our hands out to the side...like the wings of an airplane. Then we were supposed to move our arms down/together, and then back up. I couldn't hold my balance and was apparently flailing everywhere...which sent my classmate Kiesha into a fit of laughter...gotta love 5:30am yoga!

Triangle: This is actually a triangle with a twist. If this were a regular triangle I would have had my left hand on my left shin, and my right arm straight up in the air (I'd have been facing the camera). Twists are good for the spine, so I don't mind doing them.

Toe hold: Some days, I have to use a strap for this. Especially after I've already been in class for 20 -30 minutes working. It's something else to try and muster balance that early in the morning. LOL!

Three point: We will usually go into this and then bring our leg down and through to the top of the mat, to get into a warrior pose. For some reason, I didn't taken any Warrior 1/Warrior 2 poses.

Wheel: Sometimes we used to do this in high school, as part of track practice. I never knew it was a yoga move. Go figure! And lemme tell you, it was much easier at age 18. LOL! The first time I tried this with Stacy, it was all I could do just to lift myself up. Now, I can get up there pretty easily, so we may hold for 5-10 breaths.

Supported wheel: When coming into wheel, we push up and first rest on the crown of our heads. But if you're comfy there, you can stay there by bringing the hands behind the head and clasping them, and bringing the elbows in. The idea is to rest on your forearms, not your head. This also took some getting use to, but I'm much better at it now. Especially when my mat cooperates and my feet aren't sliding!

Supported wheel with leg up: This one here? I thought Stacy was CRAZY when she introduced this. I was just trying to get used to being in wheel, and now she's talking about bringing a leg up? What?!? It really requires focus and a mind-body connection. In the beginning, my mind was telling my leg to go up, but my leg surely was NOT listening. I could get my knee up for a few seconds, and then right back down. I can't tell you how happy I am that (on a good day) I can get my leg up there. Whoo hoo!

Happy Baby: This is one of several inversion poses - feet are up above the heart. We always come into an inversion at the end of class, before going into savasana. I usually chose this one.

So, that's what I've been doing! We don't do every pose in every class. It depends on what we're focusing on for that week. I am really loving yoga. I love learning new things, and challenging my body to do new things. I especially love that I'm achieving it at THIS size. Curvy girls most definitely CAN do yoga!

Three Things Thursday

2011-04-14T19:29:00.004-04:00

1. Yesterday, our claims system went down at work. From about 11:00am to 4:30pm, NOTHING got done. Zip! Except maybe answering calls to tell folks the system was down and we couldn't assist them. The blessings and curses of having everything on the computer. Today, the system came back up. I made sure to focus on getting things done today, and I'm happy to say I got caught up! :score:

2. It's great to be back with the journaling. I can't post everything on the innanets. LOL! I found an app for the iPad called My Journal. You can add photos to the entries, little sticky notes, etc. Only thing I don't like is that you only get one page per day. I won't complain too much, 'cause it's a free app, but I wish they'd change that. I plan to do my journaling on there for now, including the gratitude entries. I'll figure out how to work within the scope, until I find another app I like better.

3. The other day I was lamenting about how I felt like my workout completely SUCKED. I was talking to LDR over the phone. He said, "babe...everything you've been through in the last 6 months...the workout was NOT horrible. It was great." It's always nice to have someone to grab you by the shoulders and shake some sense into you, verbally. Love that man!

Loss

2011-04-13T18:02:00.004-04:00

Loss. It's a part of life. No one is going to stay on this earth forever. We know it's going to happen, but we don't necessarily know when and how. When you experience that loss, it's like your life gets thrown into this chaotic state. If you're lucky, you come out the other side with a better appreciation for life itself, and a better appreciation for WHY we need to do better at being present and focusing on the good things.

Last night, I woke up out of a dead sleep at 3:00am. I was dreaming about my dad. He was laying in the bed, like he was in the hospital when I last saw him. He kept trying to talk to me, and I was the only one who noticed that he was trying to talk. But I couldn't understand what he was saying. For whatever reason I woke up scared.

Today, an online friend posted today that she lost her son yesterday. He took his own life. I don't know her personally, but when I found out it felt like somebody gut punched me. Brought back some memories of when a family member attempted to take his own life. Thankfully, he didn't succeed. I can only imagine the pain this woman is feeling; her son was only 18. I hope that she can recover.

I feel like the universe is trying to tell me something. I'm trying to listen and be mindful.

I hope that everyone who reads this is having a better day than my friend who lost her son.

Brothers

2011-04-12T20:54:00.004-04:00

"Our brothers and sisters are there with us from the dawn of our personal stories to the inevitable dusk."~Susan Scarf Merrell

That's me, my dad, and my brothers - about 9 weeks into my life here in this world! My brothers were about 11 and 12. My dad would have been 34. That's crazy to me...at age 34 he had 5 kids and had been married for about 13 years!

Anywho, my brothers are coming to visit in May. I can't wait! There's something about having big brothers. It's definitely a different relationship than the one you have with big sisters...but you know your brothers have your back.

I was thinking the other day, whenever I finally DO get married, my dad won't be here to walk me down the aisle. But my brothers will be. I'll have one on each side, just like in this photo. I'll most certainly miss having my dad there, but the thought of having my brothers there makes me smile.

Do you have brothers? If so, are you close?

Asteya

2011-04-11T14:30:00.004-04:00

If you don't practice yoga, just bear with me. I promise you this is something that can be incorporated into every day life, for pretty much anyone.

This morning, I was at my usual 5:30am Monday hot yoga class with none other than RockstarStacy. She said that this week's yoga principle was "asteya" - the principle of non-stealing. She touched on it briefly, and I didn't have a chance to really come back to it until I read Serenity's blog on contentment, as well as a post at Yoga With Amey Matthews about asteya.

From Amy's website:
Asteya: Non-stealing, Non-greediness, Not coveting that which does not belong to us.

I read the whole page, and this is one of the sections that stuck out to me: "...most of us still feel an occasional impulse to have something that belongs to another person, or something that is financially out of reach, and we are a bit less skilled at controlling these thoughts. To long after something activates a sense of "not-having-enough." When we foster this sense, we divert our awareness from the abundance of what we already have." (emphasis mine).

So, let's see. If I had to take a sheet of paper and take a note every time I felt myself wanting something that someone else has, or wanting something out of my reach financially, I could probably fill up an entire notebook. I think even if I kept track of that just for this week alone, I'd be overwhelmed. Then again, maybe I DO need to keep track of that. Then I can reflect on the why's of it all. WHY do I want that thing? Is it really something that a need and that would be worthwhile for me to pursue? There really are some things that aren't worth the time to covet. Like, I could really want Serenity's hair type to be growing out of my head, but guess what? Not happening! LOL! I'm only gonna grow the hair that my body is genetically programmed to grow. So I need to concentrate on appreciating and cultivating that - it's a much better use of time and energy.

Is there anything that you've found yourself really wanting lately, that has blocked your ability to focus on what you have and are blessed with RIGHT NOW? Do you keep a Gratitude Journal or some other means of helping you to focus on the things you're grateful for?

I had a gratitude journal, and I let it fall by the wayside. I'm going to pick it back up this week and focus on incorporating asteya into my life. Hopefully, it's just going to become more natural as time goes on.

This Week in Yoga

2011-04-10T18:41:00.003-04:00

This week I decided to activate my Living Social deal: 1 month of unlimited yoga at Charlotte Family Yoga Center for $39. Considering what they charge for a month of unlimited yoga, there's no way I could NOT buy that special!

On Tuesday, Stacy called to let me know she was under the weather and would have to cancel our usual Wednesday morning flow class at her home studio. I got to sleep in on a Wednesday! LOL! But I knew I wanted to get my yoga on, so that's when I decided I'd get started with CFYC.

I decided to take advantage of the Hot Fusion class. Here is the description from the website:

"Release and unwind from with our hot fusion yoga class .This class combines our invigorating hot flow class and the opening and releasing of our deep stretch class. In addition the heated environment helps promote sweating, which helps flush toxins from the body. You will leave feeling cleansed, refreshed and relaxed for a good night's rest."

This class was taught by an instructor named Tony Hill. The room was heated to 95 degrees. I was sweating bullets! I mean, I went into warrior 3 and sweat just went pouring off my head onto the floor. Embarrassing much? LOL! Great class...I will definitely go back again. I cheated on my pigeon and went into deer, though. Next time I'll actually go into pigeon.

I took my usual Friday morning flow class with Stacy, and then on Saturday afternoon, after I went on my run, I went to Slow Flow class, which was taught by Susan McMurray. When I walked in, she looked so familiar to me, and then I realized: we had taken a hot flow class together at Balance Wellness Center, when they had their Spring Fling (a Saturday of free classes). I had no idea she was an instructor as well. But that explains how well she was moving in that hot flow class. She really took us through the moves slowly and with intent, with a focus on our breath. It was the perfect way to get a stretch in after my run.

Today I went to Harmony Yoga. An hour and fifteen minutes of yumminess and stretches. It's not a deep stretch class, but you will definitely stretch more than a regular flow class. The instructor was Shanna Small. She was great! We even got a neck rub at the end.

This week was a great yoga week for me: three new teachers, first ever yoga class taught by a male instructor, and first time taking a harmony class.

Good stuff!

I Forgot

2011-04-09T21:56:00.003-04:00

Today was a good fitness day for me. I ran Week 4/Day 3 of C25K outside today. I also went to a slow flow class this afternoon at Charlotte Family Yoga Center.

I forgot how GOOD it feels to run outside! I loved seeing all the other Charlotteans on the greenway, walking/running/biking their way into better health. I forgot how great it feels to have the sun on your face or on your back, as you inhale and exhale that (relatively) fresh air as you give your lungs a workout.

I also forgot how drastically different it is to run outside versus running on the treadmill.

Whoo! Week 4/Day 3 kicked my butt! The 5 minute segments felt like they took forever to complete. Especially the last one. But I got through all the running and I didn't stop not one time. Granted it was a sum total of 16 minutes of running (broken up into two 3 minute segments and two 5 minute segments), during the running time I averaged a 10:59 pace.

Not bad for someone who is a year older and 15-20 lbs heavier than when she could avearge a 9:45 pace.

This is my first week getting back to running on a regular basis. I wanted to be somewhere between 11:00 - 11:30, so I hit that mark. But I also realize that was really pushing and not a "comfortable" run. Definitely NOT a conversational pace.

Thanks to yoga, I am definitely learning to extend myself more grace - on and off the mat. I could be frustrated with my weight gain, frustrated with my injuries (which really - I still am many times), but today I was grateful that I was actually able to run. Albeit with a knee brace on, but I was able to run. And for that, I'm grateful. :)

Smoothie Diaries

2011-04-08T09:41:00.005-04:00

Some Twitter friends asked that I document my smoothie experiences as I try out different fruits and veggies, so here we go!

TODAY'S VEGGIE: ROMAINE
Today's green veggie of choice was romaine. Specifically, a romaine heart. When I saw that on the list (see previous blog post, Column A), I just glanced at and thought, who uses a romaine heart in a smoothie? And where would one find a romaine heart? Like do I need to buy a bag of romaine and figure out where the heart is? LOL!

Trader Joe's to the rescue!

Who knew?

TODAY'S FRUIT: MANGO AND PEAR
I still have frozen mango chunks left over from my purchase from Trader Joe's. I did note that Healthy Home Market has fresh mangos and I think I will give those a try next time I'm there. I think frozen works just as well, and then you can add less ice if your fruit is frozen.

I'm not big on pears...as in, me sitting down, grabbing a pear and munching on it for a snack. Never has been my thing. But I like the FLAVOR of pears, if that makes sense. I figured I could deal with it after the VitaMix pulverizes it to shreds...LOL!

Since I wasn't sure what the romaine would be like, I figured these two fruit choices would have a strong enough flavor to overpower it, if need be.

ADDITIONS:
Honey: I think I'm allergic to everything that grows in Charlotte. I was talking to a friend and she mentioned reading about how locally grown honey can help people build up an immunity to the allergens that are native to the area. I have to read up on it some more, but I'm sure it couldn't hurt. This morning, I added 1 tablespoon of locally grown honey to give the smoothie some extra sweetness.

Supplements: I have referenced supplements a couple of times as well. When I say "supplements," this is what I'm referring to:

THE FINISHED PRODUCT!

(it made a lot more than this, more than my 20 oz insulated bottle can hold, but I just poured some into this glass so I could share the pic.)

This came out pretty good! Sweeter than I thought it would be. I think I mostly taste pear...but it could be some of the mango as well. Romaine is clearly not as strongly flavored as kale. I think romaine would pretty much work with whatever fruits you put with it, so play around with the ones you like.

I think I want to try a carrot & apple combo next...just need to decide which green veggie to put with it.

VitaMix!

2011-03-30T09:26:00.004-04:00

Gotta love eBay. I had to do it in the last 30 seconds, but I was able to win myself a VitaMix for about $200 less than it would have cost to get a new one at retail. I am trying to do much better with healthy eating; it really is the key to feeling better and doing better. One of the ways I can do that is with smoothies and homemade soups.

While regular blenders are ok, they just don't cut it when it comes to making up really good smoothies. The VitaMix is superior because it is able to "rupture the cell walls of raw foods to make the enzymes more bioavailable." In other words, you're going to get the maximum nutrition you can get when you mix up that smoothie. Score!

Today, I decided to make a green smoothie for breakfast. Never made one before? Well VitaMix offers this handy chart to help you choose ingredients:

COLUMN A:
2 cups spinach
1 cup kale
1/2 head of romaine
1 romaine heart
3/4 cup raw broccoli
1 small head of bibb or Boston lettuce

COLUMN B:
1 cup grapes
1 apple
1 orange, peeled
1 cup melon, peeled
1 cup pineapple
1 cup berries
1 banana, peeled
1/2 cup cucumber, peeled or unpeeled
1 kiwi, peeled
1 carrot
1 cup peaches
1 cup mango, peeled
1/2 cup papaya, peeled
2 stalks celery
1 pear

COLUMN C:
1 cup soy milk (plain or vanilla)
1 cup yogurt (plain or flavored)
1 cup fruit juice
1 cup water

DIRECTIONS: Pick 1 from Column A, 2 from Column B, 1 from Column C, and add 1 cup of ice. Blend accordingly.

Now - I can't guarantee that this will work on a regular blender, but for the Vitamix it was no problem. This morning I used 2 cups baby spinach, 1 cup frozen strawberries, 1 cup frozen peaches, and 1 cup of orange-peach-mango juice. I also added some Chia fiber and a scoop of Amazing Grass Green SuperFood. You don't need those, but they were on sale at my local store and I picked them up yesterday, so I just thought I'd add them.

I forgot to add the ice, but I didn't really need it. The VitaMix blended all of this up to a smooth mixture. I used the tamper a bit to push everything down, but it made quick work of the frozen fruit.

It is most definitely green. Like, baby food strained peas. Actually, it was a little darker than that. So, if you are squeamish about how food LOOKS, this probably isn't for you. The taste was great! I just tasted the fruit and the fruit juice, and probably the lemon/lime flavoring from the SuperFood supplement. Didn't taste any spinach at all. If it wasn't for the color, I wouldn't have known it was there.

I have some kale and some broccoli at home. I think the next smoothie will have kale, and some blueberries. I believe with that chart above you have over 300 options (it's been so long since I did a factorial multiplication - who knew you'd need that as an adult? LOL!).

If you decide to give it a whirl, let me know how it goes.

Out of The Blue

2011-03-02T10:48:00.002-05:00

My yoga class has been moved to a 5:30am start instead of a 5:45 start. Which is cool...it just means I really have to get up at 4:30 and not hit the "snooze" button.

One of the reasons I appreciate yoga (among the MANY), is that it does help me focus my mind. On the drive over my mind is constantly going; what I have to do that day, what bills need to be paid, what's going on with so-and-so. When I get to class, that is my "me" time to turn my brain off and focus on my spirit and my body.

We talk about how sometimes thoughts will sneak in, and you have to just acknowledge them and then move on. I've been trying to do that outside of class - if it's what I deem an inopportune time for my mind to be wandering, I acknowledge the thought - maybe jot a note to myself - and then send it on its way.

For some reason, this morning I was thinking about my Dad's funeral. I can't even tell you how my train of thoughts got to that point. I know it was a train of random thoughts that somehow led to me thinking about when my dad's neighbors came to the wake. I can't remember his name, but one neighbor gave me a hug and told me how much they would miss my dad and how everyone in the building really liked him. I just started crying. Now like, burst into ugly sobs crying...but just tears running down my face.

And then, it was over.

I got to yog and went on with class. I guess I was just surprised. My auntie told me that I would probably have some random moments, but I just wasn't expecting it at 5:15am.

Food For Thought

2011-03-01T10:29:00.002-05:00

This morning, while I was on the elliptical, I started reading "Yoga For Dummies" - the book I showed in yesterday's blog post. I came across a few passages that I think provide some food for thought, whether you're doing yoga or not, so I thought I'd share.

"Most people are aware of how fast time flies in the 24 hours they're give each day. Yet if you look more closely at how you spend your days, you may find that not everything you do is necessary, and that in idle moments, you may miss the opportunity to recharge yourself or tap into your inner well of joy."

Gosh, if I had a nickel for every time somebody told me they didn't have time to do something. Shoot...if I had a nickel for every time I said that. We make time for the things we want to do. Period. There really is no gray area. When you really make up your mind to do something, you'll get it done!

"...what you get out of any endeavor is only as good as what you put in it. In other words, don't expect health from junk food. Don't expect happiness from miserable attitudes. Don't expect good results from shoddy Yoga practice. Don't expect something from nothing."

So true. No matter what it is in life, very few things happen instantaneously. Especially when it comes to matters of health. What you put in is what you get out. If you eat junk all the time, your digestive system will be jacked up, and I don't need to list all the results of that...you know how you feel. Garbage in, garbage out!

The next time you're feeling down, try focusing on positive thoughts and not dwelling on the negative. And if someone comes into your personal space/time with the negative, gently shoo them away. :)

"Most people tend to be passive in health matters. They wait until something goes wrong, and then rely on a pill or a physician to fix the problem."

I think this is just how we were raised. I don't recall my parents specifically focusing on preventative health. While I've managed to klutz myself into injuries, I haven't had a cold in quite a while. Last year I spent all of January sick with a cold/bronchitis. Once I got that cleared up, and started eating more healthy and working on prevention, I haven't been sick since. I know my EENT doctor is probably wondering where I've been. I haven't had to go in for allergies. I know when it's that time, I need to reduce dairy intake, and take other measures. It seems like such a "duh" idea, but it's really not something I started focusing on until last year.

If there's a health issue that you've been planning to tackle, take it on now. Make small changes and eventually you will get there. If you know your blood pressure was elevated at your last doctor's appointment, what are some things you can do on your own to lower it, before they have to intervene with medication?

That's all I have for now. As I come across more juicy tidbits in the book, I'll be sure to give you my thoughts.

NOOK-ing For Love...

2011-02-28T10:41:00.007-05:00

Did I mention that I downloaded the Nook app for my iPad? I've found some $0.99 books and there are a lot under $5.00. I spent a little bit more this weekend and will be perusing the following books over the next few weeks:

I'm just trying to get a better understanding of what I'm doing every morning. ANd I want to start learning the Sanskrit names of the poses we're doing. Yoga fascinates me...I love the challenge of it. Might as well stimulate my mind while I'm getting my body in better shape.

What are you reading?

Revolution EGO, baby!

2011-02-25T09:56:00.004-05:00

If you're not in the Charlotte area, and/or you don't have natural hair, you're probably wondering, what the heck is she talking about?

I'm talking about none other than Revolution EGO, a new salon that just opened this month, catering to ladies with natural hair. Owned/operated by three beautiful and talented stylists: Tinesha, Kelley and Jessica. I'm not a professional writer, but bear with me as I write up this review. (At least I knew the difference between "bear" and "bare," right?)

LOCATION:The salon is actually located inside of Sola Salons - an old mill building that has been separated into different "suites." Their suite is big enough for the stylists' chairs, the hair dryers, a table and chairs for waiting, and also the sinks and supplies. It's just the right size. I can see why they say, don't roll up in there with your chaps unless they're getting their hair done. There is not room for little Johnny to be acting a fool. And let's face it - sometimes, y'alls kids are only cute to YOU - especially when they get to cutting a fool. Anywho...

Upon my arrival, the salon was full of beautiful ladies getting their hair done. Ladies under the dryer, at the sink, in the chair...but not that "overcrowded-my-stylist-is-2-hours-behind" feeling. And the heat was on! (LOL! That's an inside joke for the ladies.) R & B was being played from one of the iPads and everyone was hard at work. I was offered a glass of wine, and I happily indulged. What claim rep wouldn't take a glass of wine, after dealing with foolery all day at work? Note that there is no outside food or drink allowed in the salon. Some of y'all are just Messy Marvins and they don't have time for critters and what not. Eat before you arrive.

TECHNOLOGY: Speaking of the iPads - as you know, I just purchased one, which I LOVE. Revolution EGO is an Apple Concept salon. They do everything with their iPads and iPhones. I love gadgets, so this is right up my alley. Never used an iPad before? While you're sitting under the dryer, you are free to use one of theirs to browse the net, play games, etc. When it's time to pay, if you pay by debit/credit card, your card will be run through an attachment to the iPad! You sign your signature with your finger (well, as best you can - I'm sure mine looked alien) and it doesn't print a receipt. You can choose to have the receipt emailed to you or sent via text message. Innovating and saving the environment, because they don't have to purchase/use paper. LOVES IT!

Another thing I love is that you can make your reservations online. The link is on their website. I am on the phone all day at my job...I'm all about anything I can do on the computer vs. having to pick up the phone and call. Lazy. I know. Whatever! I made my appointment online and received appointment reminders via email.

THE APPOINTMENT: Back to the salon. I made my appointment with Tinesha to get my locs groomed. Why did I pick her? Well, long ago, in a far, far away land, I used to, uh, fraternize with this dude. He wore coils in his hair and Tinesha used to do them. In fact, once he offered to pay for me to have a visit with her. Still new to the natural game, I didn't have a clue and I never did take him up on that offer. My loss! You'll be ok with any of the ladies taking care of your 'do, though.

Tinesha shampooed my hair with a sulfate-free shampoo from the Jane Carter line. I know this because she took the time to explain everything to me, and showed me the products before she put them in my hair/on my scalp. I love that. Some salons just put you in the chair, spin you away from the mirror, and go to town. At the end you feel like, what just happened? Not the case at RevolutionEGO.

I don't know what kind of super-bionic fingers/hands she has, but it seemed like she was finished with my re-twist in no time! I was under the dryer with my iPad, surfing the net, and thoroughly entertained by the musical stylings of Kelley. Service AND entertainment, man.

THE END RESULT:

(Photos courtesy of RevolutionEGO)

And there you have it, sports fans! There's my hair. Check out their fan page on Facebook if you want to see more client photos. Also, you should "like" their page for yummy surprises like, 5% off your service of $40 or more if you "check in" to the salon on Facebook. I'm all about FourSquare, but specials like this will entice me to check in on Facebook from now on.

I give the salon 5 out of 5 stars. And really, I expected nothing less. The appointment met, and sometimes exceeded, my expectations. Last night, my brother posted on my Facebook wall: "Looking good sis. I see you got blessed hands in your head."

He's right!

Three Things Thursday

2011-02-24T15:10:00.002-05:00

And three REALLY RANDOM things, at that. LOL!

This morning, I officially kicked TWC to the curb, and ordered ATT's U-Verse. Anyone out there in blog land have their service? I figure it can't be worse than TWC. We'll have to see how the internet stacks up. Road Runner is mighty fast. Of course, when I called to cancel, the rep went into her "we're trying to keep you" speech about how, if I'm further away from ATT's servers, my internet will be slower. OK. Listen. If I wanted to stay, I'd stay. And if you can lower my bill now, why don't you just do that through the year? Jackwagons.

This evening at 5:30, I get to have my locs groomed by the beautiful and talented Tinesha at RevolutionEGO! I can't tell you how happy I have for the three ladies who opened this shop. It's new to the QC, but the ladies are not. I'll have photos and a review for you tomorrow.

Still loving my iPad! Been playing "Words With Friends" like it's going out of style. And how about Barista scored 90 points on me with ONE WORD this morning? Da heezy? Clearly, I need to step up my game. LOL!

And those are my randomly random Three Things. :)

Toe-tally Awesome!

2011-02-22T19:35:00.003-05:00

Today's installment of the Broke Toe Chronicles:

Today, I decided to try out the elliptical. I need some more cardio in my life. I love yoga, but I need some extra stuff, too. Instead of wearing my sneakers, I wore my sport flops. Like those Ni.ke ones that all the soccer players where. I wore them with socks. It was looking maaaaad country. But, it worked! Right now the broken toe is NOT liking sneakers or any other shoe that is too snug in the toe area.

Now that I know I CAN elliptical with minimal impact on my toe, I plan to add that three times a week, for now. I know I'm supposed to be making sure to pay attention to every day and enjoying the transition, but I really want to get to week six and be able to move the toe without pain.

Yoga: Off The Mat

2011-02-21T10:18:00.002-05:00

When I'm in class, Stacy often talks about taking our yoga practice "off the mat" - using what you learn in yoga and applying it to life. That is something I'm really trying to do. I went into this thinking that the yoga would just be physical - a good way to get my muscles in shape, and improve my flexibility, and work on deeper breathing. It's all that, but it's a bit more as well.

Sometimes, it just takes hearing an encouraging word or thought during class, and then I try to take that with me throughout the day. Last Wednesday, Stacy asked me how I was feeling. Usually the answer is "good" or "fine," whenever anyone asks me that. But that day, I just launched into my frustrations about gaining weight since I stopped running, despite my attempts at dietary changes. I was being extra hard on myself, 'cause...that's what we do! It's human nature. She told me I should treat myself as I would a best friend. I thought, hmmm. If Snoop came to me and she was beating herself up about weight gain, what would I say to her? Probably not, "well you shouldn't have ate those Late July cookies" or "you need to get your broken toe healed ASAP so you can get back to running." LOL!

So then, I did take a moment to reflect on the good that has come out of not running:

My left knee (well, both my knees) feels better already, from the therapy/reinjury in January. I had gone to therapy for the tendonitis and was doing well. All it took was ONE cardio funk class to take my left knee back to where it was before I started therapy (well, pretty close, anyway). I was kicking myself for taking that class. Since I started concentrating on yoga, I don't have any problems with my knees. Child's Pose used to be a stress on my knee. I don't even feel it now.

I can tell that my strength/flexibility has most definitely increased. And that's a good thing! It will help whenever I do start running again.

My take away from that class, which I posted on my FB status, was that it is what it is, things aren't going to change overnight, and I have to be more forgiving of myself. I've been doing that and I feel better.

Today's class was all about transitions. Merriam-Webster defines "transition" as the following:

a : passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another : change
b : a movement, development, or evolution from one form, stage, or style to another

With respect to our yoga practice that day, it was all about using your core muscles to help you move from one yoga position to the next. Stacy had taken a workshop over the weekend that focused on that, and she was eager to ~~torture me~~ share her new knowledge with me. Yay!

With every move, we focused on our core; squeezing pelvic muscles and breathing. She told me to pretend like I was holding onto an egg with my muscles, and that I didn't want to drop it. At one point during class, I told her that egg was cracked on the ground. LOL! We do a lot of laughing in class.

Anywho, focusing on the core brought new meaning, focus, and muscle tension to moves I had done several times before. It changes things up. As LDR would say, I was sweating like a sistah in a klan meeting, by the time we went to the mat! Whew! :::wipes brow:::

At the beginning of class we talked about how we go through life without paying attention to the transition. In yoga, if you don't engage your core and pay attention to the transition from one move to another, you don't get the full benefit of the movement. You have to use your inner core to get those arms and legs where you want them to go.

That's the same thing with life. Sometimes we need to slow down and pay attention to the transition. I KNOW I need to. My mind is constantly racing about what is the next thing I have to accomplish. What's my next financial goal, when's my next trip, what do I need to get done at work, when do I see LDR/my family again...meanwhile, back at the ranch, days are floating by and I haven't paid a bit of attention. Sigh.

Like I said on the book of faces this morning: It's good to move from A to B, but did you think about how you got there, or did you just move?

It's time that I start focusing on my inner strengths while I'm "making moves" out here in the world. :)

Blog Hibernation

2011-02-21T09:00:00.004-05:00

::::yawn:::: ::::stretch::::

I feel like I've been in blog hibernation! I'm waking up now, I promise. I've just been dealing with and living life...and I wasn't much inclined to blog about any of it. Sometimes you just need to take a break!

Anywho, I'm going to try and catch you up really fast because I have a lot of work to do today. That was a #FAIL on my part, as to how I planned my "to do" list today. *facepalm*

So...

LDR and I are still together. His company still hasn't opened up any comparable positions down here. Grrrrrr. We are dealing with it and taking it one month at a time. He came down to celebrate my birthday and we had a great time. We ate like we were going into hibernation, and that just won't do. I know they say being happy, you tend to gain weight. We've got to STOP THE INSANITY! <--in my Su.san Pow.ter voice.

At the end of said birthday celebration, LDR was to head home on 2/1. The northeast weather had other plans, so he got to stay for an extra day. And on that day I broke the middle toe on my right foot. Ugh! If it's not one thing, it's another. That slowed down my cardio progress. Well - let's be real. It stopped it completely. Which leads to my next update.

I've started taking yoga! Yay! Always something I wanted to try. Then my lovely friend Stacy invited me to try out one of her classes. I love it! I now get up with the roosters, and take her 5:45am flow class on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I learn something new each class, and I learn things that can be applied to life, and not just class. If you've never done yoga, you should try it. Find a beginners course in your area. I took LDR to a Twilight Yoga class when he came down for my birthday. Pretty much a flow class, but all done by candle light. I don't think he realized how much work it is. At the end of our sun salutations, it went something like this:

LDR: Am I supposed to be sweating in yoga? (at this point we're all down in Child's Pose)

Stacy: Yes...we're getting your blood flowing, building heat.

LDR: Oh. OK. 'Cause I'm over here sweatin' like a brotha at a Klan meeting!

Me: *facepalm* *slayed*

Can't do nothin' but love him! LOL!

The job transition with my company is flowing smoothly. We officially become part of the new entity on 3/1. It should actually create more opportunities in management, etc. I'm excited about it.

I got an iPad! Yay! I love this thing. I got the 3G 64GB version. The other day, I took my car to Aut.oBe.ll to take advantage of the beautiful weather. Thanks to the 3G I was able to sit there and post while waiting for my car. Did I mention that I love this thing? 'Cause...yeah.

Still moving forward on my plans to pay down debt, increase savings and life insurance. I should be able to pay off another lump sum in a few weeks, and then after that it's slow and steady to pay off the remaining balances. Definitely a work in progress! But I've noticed I've been more conscious about my spending. Like, I only got that iPad because I'm getting a bonus at work, and as soon as the bonus $ is deposited, the iPad will be PIF'd!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-12-22T10:36:00.003-05:00

Say What?!?

2010-12-21T19:01:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was a busy day at work. Mondays are generally our heaviest volume days. Lots of people are out of the office due to the holidays. One of my co-workers (who just got engaged - yay!) is out for the week. Another one, who works remotely, has been a butt and taken off every Monday this month (except next week, and only 'cause it wasn't available). She has done this several times this year, along with taking other heavy volume days off. She took today, too. *I* was supposed to have today off...but, I digress. Not the point of this post. ::side eye:: to her azz, anyway.

Some time after lunch, we all got an email. Something to the effect of, please join us for a conference call at 1pm. Umm hmm. It's Monday - I got 6 new claims, my phone is ringing off the hook, I ain't even leave for lunch. Oh - and you haven't told us what this little call is about. Yeah, ok. Next!

I promise you, of the skeleton crew that WAS in the office, 90% of us were not on that call. LOL! That's so bootleg, I know. But given that the email had no subject, and we weren't told what the call was about, we all kind of thought, "whatever!" Usually, if something is really important, our office manager will send out an email telling us that attendance is mandatory.

While that very short conference call was progressing, I was on the phone with a customer. I began to hear rumblings and grumblings around me, but I couldn't really focus on what they were saying. I couldn't wait to get off the phone with that man. Especially because, while I was on with him, we got an office wide email that we should meet at 1:30 to discuss The Call in more detail.

Uh oh.

I got him off the phone about 4 minutes before the meeting was to begin. I said to my co-workers, "OK - what happened now?"

Her reply? "They sold us to (name of competitor)."

::blink::

Um. I'm sorry. What??? I think I just hallucinated. Mind you, less than 6 months ago, we were fighting to keep this competitor from taking our account. The only account we work on in my office. If we had lost the account to them, I wouldn't have had a job. So...yeah. This sale is akin to Dunkin' Donuts saying, "we got into this coffee thing, and it was great. But now we just want to focus on our bread and butter - our donuts. So, we're selling our coffee operations to Starbucks."

Usually, when something this big happens in my industry, you hear rumblings of it WELL before it goes down. Trade publications, rumors from management at other companies, etc. We heard NOTHING. And judging by his reaction in the meeting, I don't think our office manager knew it was going down, either. Might be why we didn't get that "mandatory" meeting email.

When we walked in the meeting, my stomach dropped, 'cause the Grim Reaper was in there. Who's the Grim Reaper, you ask? Well, he's the HR Manager who handled the layoffs when this same company laid me off in 2005. You don't want to see him, 'cause that usually means somebody's gettin the ax. Well, I guess if he's the Grim Reaper, somebody would be getting the scythe. Anywho, whatchu doin' here, Grimmy? I need my job, man!

Long story short: we've been sold, but we're all going to be offered comparable jobs. That was part of the sale deal (insert sigh of relief here). All of this will be in place by the end of 1st quarter 2011. Grimmy is just there to help us with the HR questions of it all. How will benefits terminate, what happens to 401Ks, cash balance pensions, PTO, etc. Oh. A'ight. Good lookin' out, GR. Don't touch me, though. I choose corporate life, I promise!

My new year is starting out crazy, and it's still December! Word? Word.

My take aways:

1. When you get an email telling you to get on a conference call, get on the dang call. :lol:
2. Expect the unexpected!
3. Change is inevitable.

That's the ball game! Thanks for comin' out. It's been real. Tip your waiter on your way out.

Getting Ready for 2011

2010-12-14T11:21:00.003-05:00

I don't make "resolutions." I never really have. I think about things that I want to do, figure out what I need to do, and then make the plans accordingly. I have some friends who are really detailed about what they are going to do. They journal, make vision boards, and sometimes blog about their plans. I like to read and then watch them accomplish what they set out to do.

Me, personally? I don't do all of that. I already know what I need to do next year, and it revolves around 2 things: my finances and my fitness. I've already met with the financial planner to get the ball rolling. As soon as my physical therapy eval is done today, I'll have a better idea of what types of work outs I can do over the next week. I've already done my research about alkaline diets. As much as it pains me to give up my beloved sweet tooth, I will have to drastically cut back.

So, those are the things I'll be working on for next year. We have our family reunion in July (on my mom's side), and I think we're going to try and take my mom on a cruise. She doesn't know that yet. :) The problem is, figuring out which cruise, how long to go, etc. She's always wanted to go to Hawaii, but with her back problems, I can't forsee her making it through the 8+ hour flight to get there. I really wish she could. We could get a travel agent to plan it for us.

My biggest wish for 2011 is for LDR to get his job transfer here. Good employers are hard to come by, so we both would rather he get a transfer, then have to start all over somewhere else. We're just gonna keep hope alive on that one.

So how do you get ready for the next calendar year? Are you very detail-oriented, or do you go with the flow? Or somewhere in the middle?

Dear Messiness

2010-12-08T13:55:00.002-05:00

Dear Messiness:

I have seen a lot of you over the past 2 weeks. First, you pop up as a crazy chick spending way too much time worrying about what's going on with me and LDR. She called herself wanting to tell me about somebody that LDR talked to briefly IN THE PAST, that we both know and speak with now. We're all cool. It was in the past, not a serious relationship, and we all have our own lives. So...exactly what did you do by revealing that info - that I already knew, other than make us laugh at you and officially check you off on the list as certifiable?

This afternoon, Messiness, you made two appearances. First, in the form of a co-worker who just FINALLY realized, that another co-worker has been smiling in his face, but talking smack behind his back. Um...if she spent so much time talking to you about others, why wouldn't you think she was talking about you TO others? Oh well, I tried to break it down to him so that it could forever and consistently be broken. Maybe he listened. But probably not. My guess is that he will let you jump all into the middle of the situation. I wash my hands of it. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: we're here to do a job. We don't have to be friends. We don't even have to speak outside of hi and bye. You gotta know who to exchange pleasantries with vs. who you can talk to. That last group of people is very small. Sometimes it doesn't exist at all.

The second appearance involved a complete IDIOT disparaging the mother of his child via his blog. Really, dude? Really? So...what are you going to do when your child gets older, and is able to Google and see this mess? And really, you're going to put somebody's FULL GOVERNMENT NAME out there for the world to see? And their job info? I just can't. If that wasn't the Spirit of Messiness Past taking over someone's body, I don't know what is. Just sad. What kind of example are you really setting? Not to mention, you've really just made yourself look like an azz, in an attempt to make her look like one. Good job! Messy begets messy, but I hope she stays on the high road.

Verily I say unto you, Messiness: GET THEE BEHIND ME! I don't wanna see you no more this week or this month. Shoot, I don't wanna see you for the next calendar year! I've done my best to remove some of your influences from my life, but it's inevitable that you'll pop back up. But I just simply CANNOT with you. Stress is not good for the health. I don't need any more gray hairs or facial wrinkles from the Whiskey Tango Foxtrot frown that comes with you. GO AWAY.

That is all.

Signed,

Marilie

Wordless Wednesday

2010-12-08T08:56:00.004-05:00

Is This How It's Gonna Be?

2010-12-07T09:12:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I had a great cardio workout on the elliptical. I wore a ACE bandage on my knee, and it seemed to be ok. Later that afternoon, I did have a little bit of pain and stiffness when walking around. I chalked it up to the normal aches and pains associated with exercise.

This morning, I wanted to hit the treadmill. I figured I'd do one of the Couch to 5K type work outs, with intervals of jogging for 2 minutes and walking for 1 minute. I always start with a 5 minute warm up walk. I tried to jog the first interval, and it was a no-go 10 seconds into it. With every step I felt a sharp pain in my left knee. I had to slow the treadmill back down to walking pace, and actually was hopping on my right foot at one point because it wasn't slowing down fast enough and the knee was hurting.

I have no idea what I did to it, but it happened the night we went bowling in NY. Luckily, OrthoCarolina had an opening today at 11:20. This is the same doctor who saw me for my Achilles tendonitis, and his P.A. saw me for my plantar fasciitis. They should be very well versed on my chart of aches and pains.

It seems like the more I try to exercise and do right, the more injuries crop up. I see people who run miles and miles and miles with no issues. Why can't I be one of those people? Is this just part of gaining another year of life? I'm going to be 36 next month. I'm not trying to be crippled by 40. This is getting ridiculous!

I guess I'm bummed because all through my 20s, exercise came easily. Even times when I wouldjust abandon it, I could pick right back up like nothing happened. I've been trying to run consistently, but have been sidelined since June. What's funny is that last year, I didn't know what the hell I was doing, and managed to successfully run a half marathon. Now that I'm actually trying to be cognizant of my training and what I do, injuries are jumping up like the 1-2 punch.

Sigh. I can't win with my joints right now. We'll see what Dr. McBride has to say. :(

Back on the Grind

2010-12-06T11:21:00.005-05:00

This morning was my first morning workout in quite a while. Probably since early October, at least. I did work out a few times while I was home, but all of that was negated with LDR feeding me biscuits/eggs/turkey bacon/grits with cheese/etc every morning when he got home from work. We won't even get into the snack food.

Needless to say, I need to get back on the grind. I refuse to wait until January 1 to do it. So this morning, I ~~struggled~~ got out of bed at 5:00am, and made my way to the small gym at my job for a morning work out. I got here later than I expected, so in turn I got to my desk later than I expected. None the less, I got my elliptical work out in.

I had some slight pain in my left knee, but I wore the ACE bandage brace, and that seemed to keep it in check. Tomorrow, I would like to try and alternate walking/jogging on the treadmill, but that might be a smidge ambitious. I'll stop if I feel any significant pain.

I'm also looking into joining Lifestyle Family Fitness here in Charlotte. I looked into the Gold's in Cornelius, but I didn't hear any favorable reviews from people I know. That, coupled with the fact that I'd have to fight rush hour traffic to get there, meant that was not an option. I really enjoyed my workouts in NY. Although I didn't need the gym when I was running regularly, I miss that atmosphere. I really enjoyed the classes I took with LDR, and I want something like that here.

I really miss running. This weekend is the annual Thunder Road 5K/half marathon/marathon. This is the one I ran last December. I really, really, really was looking forward to running it this year. I was psyched to beat my time from last year. Then I got sidelined with the plantar fasciitis. I've been dealing with the PF since June. JUNE. I can't even explain to you how sad I am that I won't be running on Saturday. :(

What's your fitness plan? Do you have any specific goals you're trying to reach? Are you a member of a gym? What keeps you motivated, when really you just want to sit on the couch and eat a cookie? Or maybe that's just me who wants to sit on the couch and eat Wegmans cookies... :lol:

Where's Our Snow?

2010-12-06T10:01:00.003-05:00

Over the past few days, parts of Buffalo (the south towns) has been killed with snow. It started snowing yesterday in Syracuse. I keep seeing all kinds of updates on FB. Apparently, they are having a snow day today. Uh, that NEVER happened when I was growing up. OK once. During the Blizzard of '93. We rarely missed school because of snow. We missed it once in elementary school, because the entire city was covered in ice. For the most part, we were going to school. Suck it up and put on your Moon Boots and your Freaky Freezies gloves.

It's been cold here, but no snow. When I got up this morning, it was about 28 degrees. I had to sit in the car and warm it up for 5 or 6 minutes, so that was always nice. I was sleepy when I left the house, but once I stepped out into that cold air, it was on!

I just wanna know, where's our snow? It's been a minute since Charlotte had a good snow storm. I'm ready. Mostly because everything will just shut completely down here...lol.

What's the weather like in your neck of the woods?

'Tis The Season...But Not For Me

2010-12-04T11:57:00.004-05:00

I haven't celebrated Christmas since 2007. I didn't do much in 2008 because I had just moved into my apartment, and I had thrown my tree out because it was broken. And I just frankly wasn't in the "spirit" of Christmas. I was still very hurt and upset over everything that went down with E. Wanted no parts of it.

Then in 2009, I met Roll Bounce. I've talked about him before. Anywho, he asked me one day at the skating rink if I went to church. I told him I did not, because while I believe in God, there's just too much foolery going on in the churches. Stuff I've seen up close and personal, and just frankly don't want to be bothered with. Not to mention, I just never felt totally comfortable in church anyway.

So, he started telling me about Siniatic congregation he attended. They speak Hebrew, and really concentrate on studying what it says in the Bible (especially the Old Testament)- no more, no less. No extra interpretation, etc. He told me how he initially was a 7th Day Adventist, but then someone introduced him to the Tabernacle and he's been there ever since.

Of course, I was just sitting there listening to him like, "yeah, ok." I'm not going there either, dang it. But then, he had more of my attention. Why? He started talking about all the RESEARCH he had done. Everyone who knows me knows I'm a stickler for the facts/research. I love numbers and sources and all of that.

I need to go back a moment. The Mason didn't celebrate Christmas, either. When I was dating him, I still did. He started telling me all these things about Christmas and its history and I just refused to listen to him. But it always stuck in the back of my mind. I refused to research it then, because I didn't want him to be right.

So, when RB started talking to me and giving me some things to look up - both in the Bible and throughout history - it started to jibe with what The Mason had said. Well, dang. I did not want that fool to be correct. But it turns out he was. Ugh!

I'm not going to get into all the details here, but if you want some things to look up, start looking at the history of the Christmas tree. Or start combing through the Bible for specific references to the date of Christ's birth. Or you can just read here.

I spent a lot of years just doing things because, "that's how we always did them." I never questioned the reasons or the origins of anything. Don't get me wrong - I'll always have warm memories of the times I spent with my family during the Christmas holiday. Honestly, our focus was not on the religious aspect of the holiday, anyway. It's just not for me anymore.

I don't write this to try and come down on anybody who celebrates the holiday. We all have our own beliefs, and we have to do what's best for us. This is just what I choose to do for me. I know a lot of people seem put off when I tell them I don't celebrate Christmas. They assume I'm Muslim now, or who knows what.

This is just me. And Lord knows I am NOT perfect. So, now you have a little deeper glimpse into how I think.

Loc It Up

2010-12-02T13:25:00.009-05:00

So Lee told me I need to write about hair. LOL! Guess she got tired of me and S23 reminiscing about the crazy folks we've dated in the past.

If you follow me on the other "social networks," then you know that I made the decision a couple of months ago to loc my hair. While I was in NY, I decided to go ahead and get the process started. The hairdresser who started/maintains my brother's locs put in some comb coils for me.

I was concerned about starting with comb coils, because of the loose texture of my hair in the front. When I had them done in 2006, the front ones did not stay in very well. But this time, they seem to be pretty tight. Maybe it's because the ones I got in 2006, weren't meant to be locs.

Anywho, here they are:

I don't have to do much with these, and I like it. I had kind of gotten into that mode once I got to NY. I'd wash my hair, twist it up, untwist for a chunky fro and then every night I just put my scarf on, got up in the morning, fluffed it out and went.

Now I just spray with my Oyin Handmade "Juices and Berries" and I tie up at night before I go to bed. So far, so good. We'll see what it's looking like at the end of week 2. I still need to determine how often I'll have them maintained, and I also need to figure out who will do the maintaining. Likely, Lockstar - a salon here in Charlotte.

I've been reading up and watching YouTube videos...and everyone seems to mention this stage where the hair first starts to actually loc. It gets frizzy and starts acting crazy. I've armed myself with plenty of headwraps, and I will slap them on during this time, if need be! :lol:

Wordless Wednesday

2010-12-01T17:01:00.003-05:00

Feelings

2010-12-01T16:31:00.003-05:00

That dang S23...always got me thinking about stuff. LOL!

Today, she wrote a post about how something someone says to you in your past, can continue to haunt you. You're conscious about it, but not sure what to do to break the thoughts.

I used to date this guy - I'll call him, The Mason. The Mason had some insecurities of his own. Which I knew about, and tried my best to assure him that those things he was worried about were not an issue with me. It didn't really matter.

Anywho, one of the commenters at S23's spot mentioned that she had dated someone in the past who said that she was overly-emotional. So that made me think of The Mason. He really didn't show his emotions that much.

One day, shortly after I got the Max-initi, I was driving through the countryside of Henry County, on my way to the WalMart in Stockbridge. I hit this &^%$*! pothole and it took out my right front tire. I mean, took it OUT. Bent the ($900) rim and messed up the tire. I pulled to the side of the road and into this church parking lot. People were coming out of this church, but no one really offered to help. Finally, the pastor himself came out and he offered to help me change the tire.

Problem? We couldn't find the key for the wheel locks. Why someone would want to steal some factory rims off a Maxima I do not know (oh wait - 'cause they cost $900 to replace!)...but all the wheels have a lock. We searched the trunk, the glove compartment, everywhere - we could not find that dang lock.

I thanked him for his help, and told him I'd just figure out something else to do. Now this was a Sunday. The Mason always used Sundays as his veg out days. So he'd go to the movies or do whatever. Fine. No biggie. I enjoy my alone time. When I first hit the hole, I called him and left a message to the affect of, "hey...you're probably at the movies so you may not hear the phone, but I just hit a pothole..." I didn't expressly say, "call me back because I need help" - but whatever I said (this was 2006 so I don't remember exactly) conveyed that I clearly needed help.

By the time we finished trying to change the tire, he STILL hadn't called. I call him, get voice mail, hang up. Call back. Rinse, repeat. I had to call my friend D and have him look up towing companies for me (I didn't have a smart phone back then), and I called one and had them come en route to tow the car to the Nissan dealership.

Finally, this BAMA calls me back. I'm like, dude - really? When have I ever just called and hung up, called and hung up? Why didn't you call me back?? His answer was, that I didn't say I needed him to call back.

*crickets chirping*

Then he's telling me how I need to take down his dad's number, because his dad lived the next town over and could have helped. Fool, I called YOU! I don't care about your Dad's number! What the deuce?!?

So the whole way back to his house I'm just steaming. Like, I can't believe I'm calling you and calling you, and I guess you called yourself ignoring me. What if I was on the side of the road in Klan Country? Then what? By the time we get to the house I'm just livid. I'm not speaking at all.

He goes in the room, and he's watching tv. I come to the door. I think he asked me about where the car was towed to, or something. I don't even remember. Eventually, I tried to talk in a calm, even manner and ask him WHY he would just be ignoring my calls, etc. I started crying. I cry when I'm sad, but I also cry when I'm angry. This was one of those angry times. Meanwhile, this jackwagon is looking at me like I've sprouted a 3rd eye on my forehead, and his response to this is, "well why are you crying? You just get so emotional and it's not anything to cry about."

Really?

OK. Needless to say, he was fired shortly after this. The next day, he had to leave out of town on a trip. I woke up feeling like crap and called in to work. I couldn't go anyway, 'cause Nissan had my car. When they called me, I just told them to go ahead and replace the rim. Now, I work in insurance. I know all about refurbished wheels. But I didn't have time to be calling around to find one, and I just needed my car back. You can't live on the outskirts of ATL without a vehicle, man.

He calls later that day, and I tell him they're replacing the rim and the tire and it will cost $X. He's like, "well you just do stuff without thinking. That's a lot of money. You could have gotten a used wheel...blah blah blah." I cut him off. Um, are you here? You got all this advice, did YOU call and try to find me a wheel? No? OK. Get off my phone. I'M PAYING FOR IT. I haven't asked you for anything. Peace out."

Before this whole thing, I never felt like I had to hold in emotions or keep them in check. After that, I was leery of a guy thinking I was too emotional. Even with E, the last person I was serious with before LDR, same thing. And like S23 said, "why?" Why should we have to censor who we are? I'm mad that I even entertained that fools thoughts about how *I* should feel about things and how I should react.

Just another reason to be thankful for LDR. He just gets it, and he gets me. Like, the whole mini-meltdown. Who knows what The Mason and E would have said/done in that situation. LDR just took it in stride and let me be me. And I've realized that I don't have to worry about hiding my emotions with him, and he doesn't hide his with me.

I am really going to sit back and think if I'm letting myself be affected by anything else that any of these prior jackwagons have said. I don't want to be bringing excess baggage into my current relationship. I'm glad S23 wrote about this today.

Happy

2010-11-30T19:31:00.002-05:00

So, it's been pretty sad over here in this corner, for about a month or so. Earlier this afternoon, I read this, and decided that I needed some "happy" in my life. So, here's my list:

Things That Make ME Happy (in no particular order):

Being with all my siblings

Big hugs from my nephew Khari

My mom's feigned incredulity at the fact that I drank the rest of her tea (I do this EVERY time I'm home. Every time. LOL)

Giggle fits with LDR

Meeting/exceeding goals

Wegmans shortbread cookies

Starbucks

Looking at old photos of my family, before I was born

My hair

The GEICO "jackwagon" commercial

A clean, de-cluttered apartment

Being Erica (when I remember to watch it)

"Meeting" new folks on Twitter

Rainbows

Playing Phase 10

Scalp massages

FBP's posts, and the responses to them

Making a list, and then checking off everything as "done"

Running (when I'm not hurt)

Breaking out old photo albums every time we go home, and laughing with my sisters like we're seeing the pics for the first time

Glee

Family Guy

The funny things that people's kids say

Finding crazy photos on google

Laughing until my stomach hurts

Exercise

Vegging out on my loveseat

Old school cartoons

Morningstar riblets

Spongebob Squarepants

iCarly

When LDR makes breakfast and the turkey bacon is perfectly crispy

"Scrooged" (the Bill Murray movie)

Learning something new

Old school music

Roller skating to old school music

Making it through a week without incurring a new injury

Recognizing that I'm getting more like my parents every year

Thinking about the future

Reading

Playing word games

Solving puzzles

Cuddling with LDR

Watching my nieces and nephews play together

Smooth road trips

Shoes!

I'm sure I could think of more. But the list has accomplished it's purpose - I'm in a better mood now. :)

And Just Like That...

2010-11-20T20:48:00.004-05:00

...it's over.

Well, maybe not "just." I spent a week making decisions, taking care of financial matters, calling the funeral home when they weren't calling me like they were supposed to, getting Dad's suit outta the cleaners, stressing, not sleeping, etc. I still have a few things left to do in relation to his final checks from his pension and SSA, and then one more piece of paperwork related to letting life insurance pay the funeral home directly.

Everyone said the service was beautiful. My aunt bought her flowers yesterday, and we chuckled because she picked the same color theme that I picked for the flowers from us kids and the grandkids. We had so many cards and flowers from people that I haven't talked to or seen in years. My eFriends from Twitter sent a beautiful bouquet, but the florist was on CP time and didn't deliver until after the service. How that happened, I don't know. But they made sure to bring the flowers to me at the repast. We have so many cards! We'll be sending out "thank you" cards for a minute.

Not that I wasn't proud of my dad before, but in the midst of all the tears and sadness, it was nice to hear people get up and talk about the impact of his life. How he had one of the first black owned grocery stores in Syracuse. There was another business owner there, who talked about how he'd known my dad since he moved to Syracuse...and how way back when, they both talked about starting their own businesses. And they both went on to do it. Choir members talked about how much they would miss singing with him. How they would see him walking to choir rehearsal and they'd offer a ride, but he'd refuse.

If you recall, I mentioned that my dad sang "In The Garden" at my grandma's funeral just 3 weeks ago. I had mentioned to the deacon that I'd like for the choir to do that song. Unfortunately, he never passed along that message. When the head musician came up and asked me if we'd mind if the Men's Chorus (my dad sang with them, too) did a number, I told him that would be fine. Then I asked him about the song. He said he didn't know. Instead of singing, he played it as a prelude before the first prayer. That was ok with me. I could hear my dad singing along, anyway.

And apparently, the Men's Chorus has not sung together in years (they made changes to all the choir line ups) and decided to get back together to honor my dad. The last song they sang was one that he used to lead. Well, apparently he just started leading it recently. The head musician told me a story about how my dad told HIM that he auditioned to sing lead on the song 20 years ago, and the keyboardist told him he couldn't sing it because he had a "tremble" in his voice. LOL! Robert (keyboardist) said he didn't remember telling him that, but that Dad remembered it 20 years later. He had a sharp mind - so I'm betting the story is true. After all, remember the previous blog about his ring. :)

The pastor preached about Dad having his own business and the struggles that business owners go through, and how sometimes the only thing they have to cling to is their faith. Maybe they make a decision that they're not sure of, and they start to doubt. But they have to have faith that it was the right thing and that their business is meant to be. I believe my dad had that faith. Unfortunately, a bunch of factors in the 80s (including Reagan-omics) lead to the demise of his second store (the first one burned in a fire).

People ask me all the time, why don't you sell your body butter mixtures full time, or start a natural hair care business. Having earned my MBA, I'm aware of the size of that undertaking, and it scares me. Not to mention, needing to have a better grip on my finances. And then I think, "my dad did it with a high school diploma. And he did it twice." Something to mull on, I guess.

We had a nice turn out for the repast, and an abundance of food. So much, that we have pans of food that we've had to stuff into my mom's 2nd fridge in the basement. Somebody needs to come help us eat this stuff. I feel really blessed that my aunts came up from Savannah. I feel closer to them somehow. Which seems sort of backwards, but in 2011 I need to do a better job of keeping in touch with them. We are my dad's legacy, and we need to keep the family connected.

Everyone is home, or on their way home, now. I think we're all reflecting on the day in our own way. It's hard to believe I've only been here for 13 days. It seems like much longer. A lot has gone on in the past 3 weeks. I'm sure there will be a lot more tears, but also laughter and smiles as we reminisce about Dad. LDR even got up and told the story about Dad and his ring at the hospital. That made me smile. They had some kind of connection in that short time they knew each other. I can tell that Dad really liked him.

I think now, Dad is smiling down on us. I think he's proud of all 5 of his kids. And I don't think we said anything about him today, that we hadn't told him before he passed. Just like with my grandma, we are his legacy. We're going to do our best to carry on.

Getting Back On Track

2010-11-18T11:13:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, I got to do something I haven't done in about 2 weeks: work out. Those 4 little pounds I lost a few weeks ago have made their way back. I completely abandoned all healthy eating habits when I got here. I have to do a better job of taking care of me.

Our plan was to hit up a Group Power class and a Group Spin class at Gold's Gym. LDR paid for me to have a week's access while I'm here. When we got to the gym yesterday, we realized we had the days mixed up and there was no Group Power class. So we decided on Group Step at 5:30 and Group Spin at 6:30. Very ambitious. Not quite sure what we were thinking.

Since we were early for Group Step, we decided to do some cardio on our own. He got on the stair stepper, and I got on my trusty Precor EFX 546 elliptical. I can tell it's been a while, because I was only able to do resistance level 7. I was sweating like crazy, huffing and puffing. I'm mad that I let myself stop working out.

I did 25 minutes and he did about 33 on the stepper. Then he tortured me with sit ups and push ups before we headed into step class. I'm still not familiar with all those moves. This is the second time I've taken class with this instructor, and he always manages to mess up part of the routine. The people who attend class regularly know it better than he does.

It probably wasn't a good idea to do cardio ahead of time. Like I said - ambitious. I didn't have as much energy in the step class, as I did the last time we attended. About halfway through class, LDR looked at me and said, "uh...I don't know about that spinning class..." LOL!

By the time Step was over we literally had 5 minutes to move to the next room for spinning class. We both looked at each other and said, "nah!" He suggested that we go sit in the sauna and then head to BFF's house to pick up the programs she had printed out for me.

Now, I've never sat in the sauna before. I imagine it's somewhat akin to when you first step into hell. Or maybe if you just stuck your head into a furnace and tried to breathe. After 3 minutes, I told him it was ludicrous and who in their right mind would sit in this 200 degree heat for 20 minutes? His suggestion was to just sit back, relax, and breathe through my nose. Well, that would be fine if my nasal passages were not ON FIRE. I just kept drinking water. My nose and lips felt so dry. I made it about 12 minutes before I cried uncle. Detox, my foot. If that's what it takes to detox, I will just have to be toxic! :lol: That is not something I need to try again any time soon. I'd rather try a steam room.

One of my high school classmates teaches a Group Groove class on Friday mornings at 8:15. She was in the step class and invited me to come to her class on Friday if I have time. I think I'm going to check it out.

We stopped by the store and got salad fixin's for dinner, and then LDR had to jump in the bed to take a nap before work. All in all, not a bad attempt at getting back to some normalcy.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-17T08:28:00.005-05:00

And Time Marches On

2010-11-16T17:35:00.004-05:00

The past few days have been filled with "arrangements." And phone calls. And returned phone calls, and FB and Twitter posts and everything else. Sometimes you don't realize how many people you know and touch, until they start reaching back out to you. My family and I really appreciate everything.

So, aside from the SNAFU in which the church wanted us to pay $300 for the repast food...never mind that my daddy been a member there since the 60s, on the trustee board and in the choir (that's a whole rant that I won't get into - but I reached out to someone and the choir is going to take care of the repast for us)...everything else has been pretty smooth. Today I went to the florist and picked out an arrangement from us kids, and also one from the grandkids. Did y'all know how expensive flowers are?

Anywho, let's get down to the point of this post: the ring pictured above. That's my dad's ring. It's on my hand now, but he wore it quite a bit.

Some time last week, during one of our visits with him, he started talking to me and my brother and asking where was his ring. :::insert BBM confused face here::: I wasn't there when he was admitted to the hospital, so I had no clue what he was talking about. My brother couldn't remember if he had it on or not. Mind you, his dentures were missing also. Gotta love hospitals.

I think I said before, he was pretty weak. Most times, you had to lean in close to him to hear what he had to say. Right after he asked us about the ring, we checked his bag of belongings and it wasn't in there (neither were his teeth, dang it). But he was adamant that he had this ring on. We told him we'd try to find it.

The nurse came in, and was trying to talk to us about something - I don't even know what it was. All of a sudden Dad says, "well, I'm tryna find out about MY RING!" This was the loudest I'd heard him the whole time I was there. My brother and I chuckled about it later. We said, he is really serious about this ring!

The next few days, we got wrapped up in the Francis House arrangement, DNR, and everything else. I'll be the first to admit - I forgot about the ring. I did not, however, forget about his "teefuses." Thursday night, I inquired as to if they had found them, and indeed they had. They were sitting on the table by his bed. He didn't ask about the ring that night.

Friday morning, when they called us up to the hospital to see him, my brother J and I were in the hallway talking to one of the palliative care nurses. LDR, T and my Uncle G were all in Dad's room. One of the nurses walked by and went in the room, and handed something to LDR. He held it up - it was a plastic bag with Dad's ring.

LDR exclaimed, "I told y'all Pops knew what he was talking about!"

I was laughing and crying at the same time. If you knew my dad, and knew how he is...it takes a minute for him to get worked up, but when he does - watch out. We knew he was serious about that ring. We also know he was in and out of being lucid, so we just really weren't sure if he had it on when he was admitted.

I wish I had the story behind this ring. I don't know when he got it, why he got it, and we don't know what he wants us to do with it, because he never said. I went to hand it to T, and he said, "give it to J." I went to hand it to J, and he shook his head. So, I wear it now. If either of them ever decides they want it, I'll gladly hand it over.

We found your ring, Dad!

Checking In

2010-11-13T16:12:00.003-05:00

I know there might be one or two folks who don't participate in all the "social networking" I do. So in case you haven't heard, my dad passed away yesterday morning. He never made it to Francis House. I think he wanted someone else to have that bed.

We've started making arrangements. Sometimes, when I'm sitting and discussing the "business" of his death (funeral arrangements, insurance policy, payments, etc) I feel like I've sort of stepped outside my body. Like, I'm there...but am I really talking about my Dad? Weird. But I am happy to help and take the lead on some things. Glad my brothers and sisters trust me and know that I have Dad's interests at heart, and I would never make a big decision without their input.

My grandma (Dad's mom) really has a great outlook on this. Maybe because she's been through it before...this will be the 4th child to precede her in death. I talked to her yesterday on the phone, and she said, "as long as I know he was at peace, and he knew we all loved him, then I'm ok. I'm not going to hoot and holler and scream; God gave him to me, and he saw fit to take him now."

And even my Dad...days before, he told my brother J, "well son...we all gotta go some day."

I didn't get that "strong in the face of death" gene. I cried my eyes out. Off and on all day yesterday. I would be doing good, and then one of my aunts would call. Or, I was at his apartment trying to pick out a suit, and I just burst into tears, standing at the foot of his bed. He's never coming back to this space.

Thursday evening, LDR and I had a "date night." He came and picked me up from work. But first, we went to the hospital. I got there and they had a suction machine set up, because Dad was coughing more, and they needed to clear his mouth. He could still talk, though. So I called both my sisters and my mom, and he was able to talk to them. I'm so happy I did that. What if I had waited and said, "they can talk to him after we get him transferred to Francis House?"

Maybe Dad felt like it was ok to go. He had talked to his daughters...he talked to my mom. My brothers and I have been up sitting with him all week. He saw my Aunt Betty last weekend. I hope he left knowing that we all loved him and he was a great father. He taught us a lot, even when he wasn't trying to.

I had been chatting with Serenity and she suggested that I make sure to say whatever I wanted my Dad to know before he left this earth. I totally agreed with that. Before I left on Thursday night, I gave him a kiss on the forehead and I said, "I love you, Dad. I couldn't have asked for or been blessed with a better father." He said, "I love you, too" - and then he mustered up the energy to lean up and give me a kiss on the cheek.

I walked to the chair to get my purse and my coat, and I turned around and said, "we're all gonna see you tomorrow at 9:00 a.m., ok?" He nodded and I walked out of the room. And that was the last time I saw my dad alive.

I'm not going to sit here and act like everything was perfect and our entire father-daughter time on this earth was perfection. It wasn't. Whose is? That was my daddy and I loved him, and he loved me. That "dash" in the middle of his sunrise and sunset is filled with a lot of memories.

RIP, Dad.
7/6/1940 - 11/12/2010

Guilt...And Other Randomness

2010-11-12T00:23:00.003-05:00

Sometimes, when I leave the hospital after seeing my dad, I feel guilty. Guilty that life is just going on. I'm talking and laughing with friends who are trying to cheer me up. Chatting it up on FB and Twitter. Shouldn't I be focused on him and what's going on?

But to see him like he is now, it's just draining. I mean, he was JUST at my grandma's funeral, singing and talking about when he asked her if it was ok to marry my mom...waaaaaaaay back yonder around 1961 or so. Now, he can barely talk. The smallest movements, like lifting his hand for something, or turning his head to talk to you, take so much energy. I can see him shaking from the exertion.

It's 12:25am and I'm wide awake. Partly because of some indigestion (my eating patterns have been very "off" since I've been here), and mostly because every time I close my eyes, I see him. Every time my phone rings, and it's my brother, I catch my breath 'cause I don't know if it's "the call." The more days that pass, I know we're getting closer to that call. I'm just trying to focus on the now, like getting him transferred tomorrow. But I know that every day that passes, we get closer to "that day."

I guess this is all part of death and grief. Just gotta work through it. It's normal. I think most people who have been through this would tell me that it is part of the process. And I don't think Dad expects our lives outside the hospital to just stop.

Knowing all that doesn't make it easier, though.

What Light Through Yonder Window Breaks?

2010-11-11T12:44:00.005-05:00

Why, it's not a train coming to run me over. It's the hospital, calling to tell us that Francis House has a bed for Dad.

Finally, some tears of joy!

He will be transported tomorrow morning at 9:00 a.m. This really is the best thing ever and the best facility available in the city for him. It's not his apartment (home), but it's the next best thing.

And really, that's all I can ask for. You can check Francis House out here.

Mini-Meltdown

2010-11-11T08:52:00.003-05:00

If you read last night's post, then you're up to date on everything that's going on. Except I left out the details of yesterday's mini-meltdown.

I went back to work after we went to Francis House. I worked until about 4:45 and then LDR came and picked me up. He had to go to a parent/teacher conference for his son, so I decided I'd have some "me time," and headed to Shoppingtown Mall to get a pedicure.

When she was almost done, the girl asked if I wanted my eyebrows cleaned up. I should have gone with my gut and said "no." But when she said "cleaned up," I assumed she actually KNEW what that meant. That means, do not make them thin. I clearly stated, "I don't want them made thinner, I just want them cleaned up. She said she understood.

Sigh.

Clearly, she did not. While the inside portion of the eyebrows are ok, the outer portion is too thin. Exactly what I DID NOT want. I guess they think everyone wants to get their eyebrows scalped off, and then draw them back on later. Uh, no.

So, I hereby declare that no one else will touch my &^%$# eyebrows except my girl at JV Nails in Charlotte. I mean, Jesus.

I left there and went home, and ranted to LDR about my eyebrows. He said they looked fine...but he knew that's not what I asked for, and so he knew why I was upset. He just let me rant, and then it was over. :lol: He was eating when I got there, and I didn't want leftovers. He offered to go to the store and get me some fish, but I knew he needed to get some rest before he went in to work. I told him I'd go, and he should go ahead and get in bed.

I rolled down the street to the Price Chopper, but then I didn't want the fried fish. So now I'm tired, stressed, cranky and hungry - and I don't know what I want. NOT A GOOD COMBO, folks. Not at all.

I'm walking through the store, just getting more pissed off by the minute, 'cause I'm used to shopping in the Teeter or the Food Lion and I know where stuff is. We have some different product offerings up North than we do down South. I finally decided - screw it - I'm just gonna go to the frozen food section and get some Morning Star Riblets, and some broccoli or green beans to steam, and take it to the house. I also decided to pick up a couple of Lean Cuisines just in case we're in a pinch and I just need something quick. We don't really need to be eating out a lot.

Up and down the frozen food aisle...I get to the Lean Cuisines and they don't have the Lasagna with Meat Sauce. What the deuce? Why don't you have the lasagna with meat sauce? I don't want the frickin' 5 cheese lasagna? Are you kidding me? <-- and so the meltdown begins.

I finally decided on two other choices and then I'm just up and down this aisle and I can't find the Morning Star. I'm getting more and more frustrated. This older man in the aisle has clearly forgotten how to use his inside voice, and he's talking on volume 99. His voice is grating my nerves. Inner rant starting in 5...4...3...2...

"Is Syracuse REALLY this bootleg that the store doesn't sell Morning Star? I mean, Jesus. I just want to get something to eat and go home! Why does it have to be this hard? This chick done messed up my eyebrows, and now I can't find any frickin' food! I'm so sick of this place! It's cold and I just want to go back to Charlotte! I can't take this anymore!"

Yeah. Also, by this time, I'm crying. In the middle of Price Chopper. In the frozen food aisle. Crazy, much?

Logic kicked in and said, "please get yourself in gear." I wiped the tears away, and sent LDR a text: "Price Chopper doesn't have Morning Star stuff?!?"

His reply: "It's on the last aisle, across from the dairy section."

Oh.

Because, yeah - there's another aisle after this. One I have not bothered to walk down, because I've been having this mini-meltdown. This aisle also has a freezer section. Lo and behold, the Morning Star is there.

I got checked out and got in the car. I was thinking, "that was just really stupid." I had a combo laugh/cry and drove back to the apartment. LDR was already in the bed, so I checked in on him and then closed the bedroom door so I wouldn't wake him up. Warmed up my cheese ravioli, and called my sisters to give them a rundown on the day's events for Dad.

LDR got up a little after 10:00. I was sitting in the kitchen, with a cold tray of ravioli, just looking at my laptop. I had just finished up last night's blog, shortly before he got up, and I had been crying. I'm sure my eyes were a hot puffy mess.

He came in the kitchen and sat down. He asked me what was wrong. I started telling him about my mini-meltdown, and just how stupid it really was, but then the flood gates opened and I just started bawling. This was that good cry that Serenity told me to go ahead and have. He just grabbed me and hugged me, and let me cry it out.

Man was she right. I needed that cry. :)

Brought To You By The Letter "S" and the number "0..."

2010-11-10T21:34:00.005-05:00

Why? Well, "S" is for stressed, and "0" is the number of Starbucks readily accessible to me on my way to work in the morning.

Bear with me - this is bound to be a rambling post that's all over the place.

Some of you follow me on Twitter and some on FB. I've said more on Twitter than on FB, because my niece and nephews are on my FB page, and I don't know how much my sister has told them yet, as far as my dad.

The stomach cancer has spread. Because of his weakened state, they simply cannot treat the cancer. Chemo is poison; it kills off the bad cells, but it kills the good ones, too. Not to mention the surgeries he's had on his stomach (the first one in 2008, when we found the cancer - and then the latest for the ruptured ulcer last month). His GI system is just not in tact enough to take anymore. Whereas your stomach or my stomach could take a jejunostomy feeding tube (also known as a J-tube), his stomach cannot.

The other more pressing issue, is that he is continuing to aspirate. The little bit of food that he does try to eat, his stomach is not processing very well. When he aspirates, it goes into his lungs, causing aspiration pneumonia. He has it in the left lung already. They gave him a course of antibiotics, but the recent chest x-rays showed that it's in his right lung now. The doctor told us today that it is this pneumonia that will likely cause his death, not so much the actual cancer.

My brother T and I have been the information gateway for my siblings and my mom. We get the info from the doctors, and then we pass it on. J has been to some of the meetings, but not all. He's got a crazy work schedule and two kids, so it's hard with shuttling them back and forth to after school activities, etc. I know that T has been keeping J informed...but I think it just really hit him today when the doctor, the palliative care nurse, and the Hospice coordinator pretty much all said the same thing: Dad is dying. He's not going to get better.

Both my brothers are the ultimate "big brothers." They would do whatever they needed to do to protect me and my sisters, and they care about our family. J especially. He also is the closest to my dad and - ironically - the most like him. Which means he is the worrier and he is not that good in the stressful situations. I love him to death, but it's just not his thing. It isn't/wasn't my dad's thing either. I knew that he would take it the hardest.

I don't think I've ever seen him cry. And I was just not prepared to see it in the meeting today with Hospice. When we walked into the small meeting room, there were 5 chairs in an L shape. The hospice rep sat where there were two chairs, and then we occupied the other three chairs with T in the middle of both of us.

When she started talking about the info in my dad's chart, I just sort of nodded and followed along. T and I had already gone through this info with the palliative care nurse. I guess J had not heard a lot of it. Or, like I said before, I guess it was just really kicking in for him. When I looked over and saw my big brother crying...I just lost all focus. So I'm listening to her (or trying to listen), but I can't stop myself from crying, because my brother is hurting and there's nothing I can do to change it.

I'm trying to be incog-negro and dab at the tears with a tissue, but they're just coming down too fast. T's rubbing my back and rubbing J's back, and the hospice rep is trying to just give us a moment. Eventually, we got it together and decided on some options, discussed getting him on Medicaid, etc.

When we got out of the meeting, and went back up to the room, LDR was still in the room with dad, and the palliative care nurse. That's too long to keep typing, so I'm just going to tell you her name is Kelly.

Kelly had been in talking with dad, regarding appointing my brothers as his health care proxy, should he be unable to make decisions. Then they were talking to him about the hospice care, and the fact that you have to be on DNR status once you go in to hospice.

Dad has been in and out of lucidity, and because he's so weak and it takes him a minute to respond sometimes, it's hard to know if he really understand what you're saying at that moment. He could start talking about something totally different. Kelly told us she'd been talking to him about hospice care and whether or not he wanted to come back to the hospital should any difficulties arrive. But it seemed like he kept wavering, so she asked us all to come in the room so we could be sure we understood what dad's wishes were.

So you have his doctor, me, J, T, Kelly and LDR all in the room. Kelly is kneeling down so she's on eye level with him, explaining that resuscitating him would involve chest compressions that could possibly fracture his ribs, and that even if they intubated him and had him on a ventilator, ultimately at some point, the outcome is all going to be the same...

In my rational mind, I KNOW that she has to say all of this. He has to know what's going on. But knowing that someone is terminally ill and that they will die is one thing. Having someone speak it out loud into existence is another. I tried to just stand back from the bed some, and keep dabbing my tears. I really wanted to just burst into sobs, but not in front of my dad. So I just tried really hard to focus in on what Kelly was saying, and just make sure that dad understood. And he did. He agreed that if he is in hospice care, and something should just happen, that he would want nature to take its course.

That sounds so crazy. Let nature take it's course. I mean, really...we're all dying, if you really want to think about it. But I guess Kelly was trying to break it down into the simplest terms, and I think that ultimately helped Dad really understand what was what.

Mind you, in the middle of all of this, we were asked to make the decision as to whether or not he should receive more antibiotics for the aspiration pneumonia. Because more antibiotics meant more chest x-rays, and more poking and prodding and taking blood samples...and then being on more antibiotics could mean more distressing side effects. But...I don't know. It's just something about having to make decisions about HOW someone else's life is going to end...it's just like a surreal moment. I can hear myself talking, and conferring with my brothers, but I feel horrible that WE have to make this decision. You could tell that none of us wanted to decide that. I'm sure I had the same pained look on my face that my brothers had. But we did what we had to do.

We left the hospital and, per Kelly's recommendation, took a trip over to Francis House. This is a 16 bed hospice facility that's literally a house. They have volunteers who help with cooking and cleaning, and there are always 2 nurses on staff. They rotate 8 hour shifts. The problem is, it's a 16 bed facility. And EVERYONE with a terminally ill family member would love for them to be there, as opposed to a nursing home. They admit based on medical need, and cost/ability to pay is considered on a separate basis. I loved it; I wonder if we have some place like this in Charlotte where I can volunteer. Chances are that he will NOT end up here, because of the lack of beds...but I know we're all hoping that he can get in.

In the mean time, J and I will visit nursing homes over the next couple of days, to tour the facilities and see if we feel they are up to par for Dad. My job has been really great on flexibility. My supervisor knows what's going on; she's been through it with her own family members. I know that they do NOT have to be this flexible, and I will be forever grateful that they are.

So, these are my days right now. I make plans. We clean out his apartment. We look through important papers, and not-so-important papers, and find out little interesting things about Dad that we really didn't know about him.

LDR told me that while he was in the room with Dad, he saw him sort of staring off like he was thinking. He asked him, "what are you thinking about?"

Dad said, "life."

Yep. Me too.

Heading Home

2010-11-06T18:52:00.002-04:00

If you've been reading, you know I just got home on Tuesday, from a trip to NY for my grandmother's funeral. The same day I got home, is the same day my dad went into the hospital. He was going in to have some fluid drained, but then some complications arose, and they decided to admit him. He was in ICU, but was moved to a regular room yesterday.

In any event, he is not doing that well. I really just want to be home so I can see him, and help my brothers out in any way I can. Right now, it's just not feasible for me to take FMLA, because it's unpaid leave. One day, my finances will be in better order for that. But anywho...

My supervisor actually asked me a few days ago if I wanted to take my token and work from NY. Unfortunately, IT has not been able to get my remote connection working properly, because they are ~~retarded~~ unable to figure out why my laptop and my desktop won't connect. They keep saying it's because the desk top is not on, but I leave it on every night. I shut down and restart, or I simply choose "log off." Either way, the crap ain't working. ::side eye::

I remembered that we have an office in my home town. On a whim, I sent my supervisor a BBIM today and asked her if I could work in that office for the next couple of weeks. I expected that maybe she'd let me know the deal on Monday, but she responded within a couple of hours and said that our operations manager told her we could make it happen, and that I should go on and go. She'd just get with me later on the details.

Insert tears of joy here.

I've been running around my apartment for the last few hours, packing up all my stuff and cleaning up. My friend Steph is going to house sit/cat sit while I'm gone. I'm quite sure I've overpacked, but oh well. I shoved everything I thought I would need into my biggest suitcase. Chuckle along with me as I write (and you read) that I have a completely separate bag for shoes. I know. Just work with me.

I've never driven more than 6-7 hours by myself. This trip will probably take 11 hours and some change. Just send up some prayers and traveling mercies for me. The iPod is charged up, and tomorrow morning a venti latte from Starbucks will be in my cupholder.

I'm ready to see my Daddy.

Friday's Fro

2010-11-05T09:16:00.003-04:00

Wednesday night I put my hair into some tiny two strand twists. I took them out on Thursday morning and wore a twist out that had an interesting shape to it. Last night, I just put my scarf on and went to bed. This morning, I just fluffed and pulled out the 'fro with my fingers, and this is the result:

This is my first time wearing these earrings. I "stole" them from my mom's jewelry box. She doesn't really wear big earrings like this, but they were given to her with a bunch of other jewerly. I got 2 other pairs as well. A trip home would not be complete if I didn't leave with something.

I'm about ready to start this loc process. I will be making a call to Lockstar in the near future to see how they recommend starting them, and how much it's going to cost.

Three Things Thursday

2010-11-04T19:36:00.002-04:00

I've seen this on several blogs, so what the heck. I'll give it a try.

THREE THINGS THURSDAY:

My plantar fasciitis is not getting better. And I'm not willing to give up my shoes. Clearly, we're at the cross roads. It's a show down between my common sense and my wants. Perhaps another visit to OrthoCarolina is in order. I just can't see living with this for the rest of my life. I want to run again, and at this point it's looking like I won't even be able to start in January. I look around and see people who started after me, making leaps and bounds in their training, and I can't even run on a treadmill for 15 minutes. No bueno.

Just when you start to feel like things are just inherently turned against you and everyone is stupid, one or two people come along and make you feel better. I really would like to be home for a little while, given the situation with my dad. Unfortunately, I'm not in a position to take an unpaid leave of absence from work. My supervisor told me today that it's possible for me to go to NY and work from home. I am going to sit down and try to work out the issues/logistics this weekend.

I think I have the best family in the world. There's not too much I can really add to that. I hope we always remain this close.

Ornery

2010-11-03T11:36:00.003-04:00

I feel generally ornery this morning. I'm not sure why. I just want to tell everyone to pound sand. I think my brain is just overloaded from the last 5 days. I need a vacation. But I don't get one for another 16 days, so I need to just deal. Sigh.

How's everybody else doing today? Good, I hope. Anyone got any funny stories to share? I need some laughter. Maybe I'll peruse blogs at lunch.

Home Sweet Home

2010-11-02T17:09:00.003-04:00

I'm back in the QC. Had a flight SNAFU and I ended up coming home this morning, instead of last night like the initial plan. Bogey meowed my head off as soon as I got in the door. Unfortunately for her, I just came home to drop off my suitcase. I had to clear up an issue with the temporary tag on my car. After trips to the DMV and the dealership it is finally taken care of, and I have my permanent tag. Also had my 1K mile free service to make sure there are no problems and everything is a-OK. Shouldn't have to see the dealer again until my first oil change at 3,750 mi. I need Nissan to get on the Honda kick and get these oil changes up to every 5K mi. Anywho...even though I could have just taken the day, I decided to go in for a few hours of work.

On the "not-so-good" news front, Dad is back in the hospital. He has been retaining a lot of fluid due to the cancerous cells in his abdomen. Apparently this first course of chemo was not aggressive enough. So the cells/fluid have just been building up. He cannot keep any food down, so he's just literally wasting away. But his stomach and his legs are all swollen from the fluid retention. I mean, to watch him walk to the microphone at Grandma's funeral, it just broke my heart. He walked every so slowly; he was out of breath when he was singing, but because the congregation joined in, it was hard to tell unless you really listened.

Today he was supposed to go to the hospital to get a tube put in, that they would use to drain the fluid. Because of the fluid he has a hard time breathing as well as keeping the food down. Well, they went to put the tube in and his heart rate shot up. So now he's in intensive care. He also had a high level of CO2 in his blood - probably because he's had a hard time breathing. They have him on an oxygen mask now and that seems to be helping. I'm just concerned that now they STILL can't drain the fluid until his heart rate is more stable. I imagine he'll be in the ICU for a few days. My brother left the hospital to grab a quick bite to eat, and gave me this quick update while he was out. He DID say that Dad was awake and taking the mask off to talk when he left, so that's a good sign.

It just seems like, when it rains, it POURS and HAILS! Granted, my parents are divorced, but they still care about one another. On Sunday, my mom and I went over and cleaned up his kitchen, washed dishes, and took the trash out. I went to the grocery store and got some things he needed. My mom went back over yesterday to make him some soup to see if he could keep that down. I can tell that she's very worried. We all are. We JUST left from my grandma's funeral; we don't want to go back up there for another one. I really need him to go ahead and pull through this.

If they can get the fluid levels in check and get his nutrition in check, then I think we can move on to more aggressive chemo.

I'm not hugely religious, but I am spiritual. I do believe Yahweh and I do pray. So whether you want to pray, meditate, or send positive vibes, I think my Dad could use all of that. And then some.

Tired

2010-10-31T09:43:00.002-04:00

This has been one lonnnnnnnnnnnnnng weeekend. Saying goodbye to Grandma was a little harder than I thought it would be. I think because my mom had a hard time with it. She was at the nursing home with her pretty much every day before she passed. It was hard to watch her reaction.

Lemme tell you, my granny did NOT look like she was 99. She looked so pretty in her white outfit, with her white gloves and her hat. She had a white casket, too. Everything was beautiful.

It was nice to hear all of the comments from the people at her church. How she always had a kind word to say, and she would encourage people and always tell them to pray. All the activities she was involved in. That helped me to round out the picture I had of my grandma. Our families went to different churches (she went to the same church as my aunt), so I didn't know a lot about all her involvement and how many lives she touched.

My dad got up and told the story about how he went to my grandma to ask her if it was ok to marry my mom. He said he asked her, and my grandma said, "well did you talk to her yet?" We all chuckled. My mom is notoriously stubborn and sassy. He talked about how when Grandma lived with us, if they had a disagreement, she wouldn't take sides with mom all the time.

Then he messed us all up when he broke out with a verse from "In The Garden." Thank goodness LDR was there with me. He's been a great support system. Even got me to work out twice while I was here. Which is good, considering all the junk I've been eating.

The preacher told us during the eulogy that we were her legacy and that we should make sure we continue on passing down what she taught us.

I hope we can. :)

Le PEW!

2010-10-27T22:35:00.003-04:00

So, tonight was Cardio Funk night. Somebody in class took the "funk" literally. If you smell like 7 skunks BEFORE class starts, that is a problem! Handle that! If you got to take a shower before you come to class, so be it! And then on top of that, your breath smells like 4 cloves of garlic. When Vincent Price said, "...the funk of forty thousand years..." this is what he was talking about. No. No, no, no, no, no.

I have burned her image into my head for future reference. I will never stand next to her again in class.

I will take two showers in her honor tonight. O_o

In other news, my co-worker came to class tonight. Bless her heart, she had a time keeping up. But I kept telling her not to worry about it. That was me in my first class. But 4 weeks into it, I know most of the routines. Although he did pull out some I hadn't done before tonight. I hope she's not intimidated and that she will come back. She said she had a lot of fun.

Andre said that he is going to have a class on New Year's Eve. I will soooooooo be there. He told us, even if there are only 10 people, we WILL work out. I have a feeling there will be WAY more than 10. I'll be sure to get there early to get my coveted spot in the back.

I'm almost finished packing. I did most of it yesterday. Working on toiletries, etc. The airline cancelled my flight. I got home from work and had an automated message: "your flight has been cancelled." Nothing else. Uh, I need some more info?!? I called and they got me on a different one. At least now I don't have to be at the airport at the butt crack of dawn. More like the arm pit of dawn now. But its cool. Time to go home and celebrate grandma's life. :)

Not Quite

2010-10-27T07:43:00.007-04:00

Last night, I was catching up on some blog archive posts, and I started grabbing at my hair and randomly twisting. I definitely need another inch or so before I think they could really start some locs. I'll probably wait until after the new year.

I had no intentions of twisting my whole head. Next thing you know:

So, I threw my scarf on and went to bed. They didn't look half bad this morning. I decided not to conditioner wash in the shower like I normally do. Instead I just took them out and fluffed with my fingers.

Had I actually been PLANNING this, I would have used a hair butter and would have done them all on damp hair. I just started haphazardly doing this after I did my scalp massage with oil. I had oil in my hair, and eventually did dampen and re-twist some of them, but I prefer the results from butters. I also would have deep conditioned.

Anywho, this is how we look going to work today:

One More Thing

2010-10-26T06:05:00.003-04:00

Just had to share this. Bogey last night, sleeping on her "bed" - which is a towel that she has commandeered and made her own. Once she started that kneading crap and tore up the towel, it became hers. I'm ok with parting with it. :lol:

Look at that "woe is me face." Really? You just eat, play, sleep, poop, beg for treats, beg to go out on the balcony, and wake me up too early on weekends. But it's a hard knock life, huh.

Oh, and she's scared of the ceiling fan in my bedroom. This cat is just weird! But she's mine.

Hidden Treasures

2010-10-26T05:45:00.003-04:00

When I know I'm going to work out in the morning (or, at least, I've PLANNED to work out in the morning), I have to get my work outfit ready the night before. It's a wonder that this self-proclaimed non-morning person has been getting up for the past 4-5 months and hitting the gym in the morning as it is! Definitely don't have time to be fooling around with ironing, matching, and making sure stuff is actually fitting at 5:30am.

I pulled out a pair of black NY & Co slacks I purchased this summer. We'll have to talk about my love affair with NY & Co in another post...sigh. I was trying to decide what to wear with them, and finally settled on a top. Now, the shoes.

Would I go with the t-strap shoes I've been LOVING? Or another pair? This is where that whole shoe organization thing came in handy. And also where I realized that idea of the pics on the outside of the boxes would really come in handy.

Anywho, as I was perusing the boxes, I settled on these:

I haven't worn these shoes in ages. They pretty much got tossed to the side for newer shoes. I remember buying them, too. Well, not the date or anything, but I know I was in Atlanta at that time. I was obsessed with stacked loafers. I had found a brown pair, and pulled out a box that was SUPPOSED to be a black pair. I opened it up, and this pair was sitting inside.

The rest, as they say, is history. I thought they were cute so I made the purchase. I used to wear them quite a bit when I lived down there. I guess I need to do better about shopping my own closet.

So, those babies will make their re-debute (is that a word?) later today. As I was sitting here writing this, my right foot started throbbing. I swear, if I was just sitting on my butt eating bon-bons every day, there'd be nothing wrong with my foot. Absolutely nothing. But nooooooooo. I try to get up and get active at least 5-6 times a week and this is the thanks my body gives me. Shenanigans.

Lemme go hit this workout. Clearly, this will be a light workout day. Happy Tuesday!

Carolina Balloon Festival

2010-10-25T20:56:00.006-04:00

I've been talking about going to the Carolina Balloon Fest in Statesville for 2 years now. The closest I got was seeing some balloons floating over I-77 as I returned from the Rack Room Shoe Outlet up in Statesville (somehow shoes HAD to be involved).

The festival was this past Saturday. I went to my workout class, drove all over hell's half acre to find a Planet Smoothie in Charlotte (I prefer them over Smoothie King). Finally got my smoothie and came home. Then my sis called with the news about my grandma. At that point, I just got kind of tired and lost all my energy. I was going to call my friend and tell her that I wasn't coming, but then I changed my mind.

The website indicated that balloon ascension would be between 4:30 and 5:30. I planned to get there around 4:00 or so. Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans! I guess me and everyone else decided to try and get here at that same time. And we ALL followed the directions that said to take Route 70. I literally sat on Route 70 for 45 - 60 minutes! Frustrated, tired, sad, mad...alla that. I called my friend S and told her I was going home because I was sitting in traffic and CLEARLY was not going to make it in. She told me she had turned down a side street, and she could already see a balloon in the air. She was there with her little daughter and her mom, who had come down from MD. I pulled over to a field, where some folks were already parked, and looked around. I couldn't see jack!

Luckily, I remembered passing the street where she had pulled off. I got there in time to see all 34 balloons take off. It was beautiful. I really wanted to get closer, because I wanted to get photos of the different colors up close, but it was still beautiful to watch them taking off and rising into the air. My camera sucks, but here is a little bit of video:

I wish you all could have been there in person with me. Once I saw those balloons, I knew that was right where I was supposed to be. Grandma would've approved. :)

I Am Free

2010-10-23T20:56:00.003-04:00

I AM FREE

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free
I'm following the path God laid for me
I took His hand when I heard Him call
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day, to laugh,
to love, to work or play.
Tasks undone must stay that way
I've found that peace at the close of the day.

If parting has left a void, then fill it
with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Ah, yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish for you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much
Good friends, good times,
a loved one's touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all to brief,
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts and share with me,
God wants me now, He set me free.
--Author Unknown

Grandma passed today. And I'm trying to remember that most importantly, she is not suffering or in pain any more. She put in 99 good years on this earth. She baked the best lemon merengue and sweet potato pies ever. She taught me how to sit in my rocking chair, cross my chubby legs, and watch The Young and The Restless. If I wanted hot chocolate in the middle of the night, she got up and fixed it, with milk - the old fashioned way on the stove...and Hershey's Cocoa, not Nestle Quik.

She didn't want for anything. Her three daughters took care of her. She outlived all of her brothers and she (unfortunately) outlived two of her six children. She may have had dementia but she knew she was loved. My mom was at the nursing home every day, along with my uncle and my aunt. My mom was with her when she took her last breath. She died peacefully, in her sleep.

I don't know what happens now. I would like to think she's reunited with Uncle Rafe and Aunt Lennie, and she's smiling down on us.

RIP Grandma Rosa... 5/9/1911 - 10/23/2010

Yes, No, Maybe...

2010-10-22T20:29:00.003-04:00

This afternoon, I got a bit of sad news. I don't remember if I ever posted about my maternal grandma on here. She's 99. She had a stroke recently and has taken a turn for the worse.

I don't know how/why, but my mom and I have some kind of ESP type connection. And EVERY time she has called to tell me something that's not-so-good, I always get this feeling when the phone rings. I got that feeling today. I was at lunch with my friends, but I didn't take the call. I listened to her message on the way back to work, and like I thought, it was not good info.

It's a wonder I got any work done this afternoon, because my mind was all over the place. I talked to LDR and let him know what was going on. He was his usual supportive self, and once again I counted my blessings in regard to him.

I left work around 5:20, as I promised a co-worker that she could have some of the boxes I still had in my storage area from when I moved 2 years ago. (Yeah. The storage area is not as organized as my closet.) She followed me home and I gave her the boxes. We chatted for a bit, and then she left.

I came in the apartment and it was just silent. I set about straightening up the kitchen and trying to keep myself occupied. Then I hear the phone. A text message. Gotta love Blackberry with the difference in the tones.

I pick it up and it's LDR. It says:
Will you "go with me?" Yes, No, or Maybe? *wink*

That made me chuckle. Yesterday we were talking about how folks used to say that back in elementary and junior high, and how we used to 'quit' each other. What the heck did we know about going with and quitting each other back then? Not a darn thing!

I sent him back a reply and said "YES!" He replied, "Figured you could use a smile."

Sigh.

I definitely needed a smile. And he provided it. And I didn't even have to ask.

In The Spirit of Organization

2010-10-21T18:34:00.003-04:00

Why stop with the shoes. Let's get the purses in order, too:

(Ignore the junk in the corner. We're still organizing! :lol:)

Set of two purse racks that can be hung over the door, or they can be mounted on the wall. I chose the door, because this is an apartment. If this was a house, I would have mounted on the closet wall.

The price? $9.99 at BedBathandBeyond. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

Yes, There ARE Dumb Questions

2010-10-21T16:12:00.005-04:00

Are we just getting sillier by the minute? I mean the country as a whole. Or maybe it's just the cross-section I deal with on a daily basis. Phone conversation I just finished up:

Me: May I speak with John Smith?
Female on the phone: He was supposed to leave at 4:00 but let me check if he's still here.

:::places me on hold:::

Female: Nope. He's gone for the day.
Me: OK, may I leave a message?
Female: Hold on.

:::places me on hold again:::

Male pics up: How can I help you?
Me: I was holding so I can leave a message for John Smith

:::gives him all my contact info:::

Male: So...you want him to call you back?

:::crickets chirping:::

Me, in my head:

No. I want him to take the note and wipe his butt with it. Of COURSE I want him to call me back! Really? Are you really asking me this? Why do you think I'm leaving the message??

Honest to God. I simply CANNOT with people sometimes!

Shoe Organization

2010-10-20T22:07:00.004-04:00

I keep the boxes for my shoes. It makes for easy stacking and organization. I can pretty much recognize my shoes by the box, before looking inside. It helps that the manufacturers have started putting the name of the shoe and a small drawing on the outside.

But thanks to several trips to the Rack Room Outlet in Statesville, I had several shoes that did not have boxes. They are no-frills up there. The shoes are in boxes, but the tops are not included, and many times they're in the wrong box anyway.

At first, I was keeping all those shoes thrown into a big legal tote box that I had leftover from moving. But it was truly a pain to dig through there, and then the box started to fall apart. I took them all out, sent some shoes to MzInspiredMind, and then the rest were just kinda in there on the floor. Haphazardly. Time for a new solution!

Enter Wally World, and the $0.97 clear shoe tote. Sweet! $20.97 brought organization and peace of mind this evening. I can walk into my closet without tripping over shoes!

The totes:

The other shoes:

Granted, this collection comes nowhere NEAR the exquisite collection kept by the one and only Serenity_23, but I do what I can. :)

I've already noticed some culling that can be done. There are 2-3 pairs that I really have not been wearing. I remember buying them when I was living in GA. Will probably take those to Goodwill. I also saw another pair that needs some repair to the heel.

Well, at least the shoes are in order. The rest of the closet? Yeah...no. Gotta do something about the purses and my collection of fabric that I use for head wraps. And my box of shea butter and black soap is in there. I guess I could move that to the other closet. I just don't want to take up too much space in there, 'cause that'll be LDR's closet when he gets here. :)

I also plan on taking pics of each pair of shoes in the clear totes, and putting the pic on the outside. That might be a project for this weekend.

Assumptions

2010-10-20T14:00:00.005-04:00

In the car, on the way back from lunch, I turned the channel to XM 70s on 7. What can I say - I love old school music.

They were in the middle of this song:

I love this song. Always have. And although some re-makes should be avoided, I think Intro did a good job with it, before Kenny Greene's untimely death:

For the longest time, I never knew who sang the song. I always heard it played on R & B stations, so I just assumed it was some random Black, R & B artist. Later, I learned his name was Bobby Caldwell.

Imagine my surprise when I looked him up this year, and this was him:

Uh. Yeah. Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha! That's what I get for assuming!

Outside The Box

2010-10-20T09:56:00.006-04:00

Some things, I generally do like everyone else. Other things, I like to step outside of the box and do my own way.

Yesterday, LDR and I were talking about about weddings again. More specifically, what we would want to do. Now, my favorite color is blue. Has been forever. For some reason he is stuck on fall colors. I DO like fall colors. It's my favorite season. There's nothing like a decor with burgundy, green, yellow, and burnt orange, put together in the right combination. But would I want that for my wedding?

At one point he emailed me this blog link. I'm not sure which dress or outfit he was looking at, but this one caught my eye:

I thought the color combo was really pretty. I started looking up other Indian wedding attire and really liked what I saw. Of course, their traditional wedding color is red. I don't know that I'd want red, but I guess it would depend on the shade of red.

I thought this website had some pretty things as well, such as this dress:

I don't want my belly out, though. I guess I'd have to learn how to wrap the sari.

Anywho, just some things I was thinking about. I just know I'm not wearing white.

Speaking of, do you know why people started wearing white dresses? It's probably not what you think. Unless you're a history major/history buff, then you probably already know the answer. If not, read here.

Happy Wednesday!

ETA: I forgot to mention, LDR said he would wear sherwani if I went this route. Sweeeeeeeeeeeet. :)

Is It Monday?

2010-10-19T10:02:00.003-04:00

I see it's going to be one of THOSE mornings.

Tossed and turned last night in my sleep. No restful sleep = bad start to my day.

I get to work and hang up my clothes in the locker room, preparing for my work out. I look over into the shower and the shower head is hanging down. Someone has broken the plastic piece that holds it up. Later, this was problematic when I actually tried to take a shower. I was knocking bottles down and it was just a calamity of errors trying to get out of there without wetting up the whole locker room floor.

I get into the workout room and I can't get the TV remote to work. The batteries are dead. The TV is up on the wall where only the Jolly Green Giant can reach it. Thankfully the remote for the DVD player works the TV.

I jump on the treadmill, realize I'm thirsty. I look around - no water bottle. Why? Because when I took all my breakfast food up to my desk, I left it there. So I had to jump off the treadmill, run up there and get it, and didn't get started on my workout until about 6:35 - 6:40am. I had planned to get started at 6:15.

The Blackberry is doing a remote software update and this thing has yet to get fully updated. I promise you it's been at it for about 2 hours now. Hurry up!

Look here, Tuesday. This is NOT COOL. I'm gonna need this day to be back in order by lunch time!

Kohl's - You Got Some 'Splainin' To Do!

2010-10-18T16:17:00.005-04:00

Matter of fact, don't even bother. This is just maaaaaad ridiculous. And obviously the people in your marketing department don't have the sense God gave a nanny goat.

There were posts today from Curly Nikki and Black Girl With Long Hair about this today:

::::crickets chirping::::

For real? It's like that now? Obviously you have no clue, because wearing an Afro is about the furthest thing from "ghetto" that I can think of. Maybe if this was a rainbow weave or something. Why not call it "disco" or "Afro" wig? That's all you had to do, man. And if there's a wig of long, stringy, greasy hair that looks like it hasn't been washed in 2 weeks, are you gonna call it "Trailer Park Trash" wig?

Why are we still dealing with this ignorance in 2010? It's dang near 2011. What the deuce?

Foolery.